


Tough Luck & Tough Love

by kylebiased



Category: South Park
Genre: ...but so does kyle though?, Aged-Up Character(s), Background Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Bebe's Instagram, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Bisexual, Bottom Eric Cartman, Dialogue Heavy, Enemies to Lovers, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Eric Cartman Being Gay, Foe Yay, Gay, Gay Sex, Hate Sex, High School, Kyman - Freeform, LITERALLY, LOTS of build-up to the sex, Light Angst, Love/Hate, M/M, Making Out, Mention of Therapy, Mild Sexual Content, Oral Sex, Pansexual, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rough Kissing, SUCK IT, Sexual Tension, Top Kyle Broflovski, Valentine's Day, and stan has top???, but both have bottom tags, but like when isn't he angry lol, cartman being gay as HELL for kyle, cartman finds love, cartman's the cancer, cartyle, gemini/cancer, have a nice day y'all, have u watched the show, he just like, he's actually less rude in this one, he's like angry 24/7, i switched it up, idk he's mad, in control, it's implied - Freeform, kenny obviously seeing right through cartman, kyle is just angry, kyle isn't rly a top he's just like, kyle's the gemini, like hella sexual tension, m/m - Freeform, more like, not like crazy angst, question for y'all...why is kyle always the bottom, really wants kyle to, shut-up ok, there will be more characters in part ii ok, there's no top eric or top kyle tag, top material js, ummm - Freeform, y'all think eric and kyle are both bottoms i'm, yeah there's a school dance trope, yeah thots, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-24 08:12:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 40,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylebiased/pseuds/kylebiased
Summary: Cartman bets he can break his previous bike-jumping record. Kyle bets he cannot. Cartman bets that if he can make said jump, Kyle will have to own-up to his end of their old fourth grade bet, and give him head. Kyle accepts this bet, since he obviously, cannot lose.Cartman wins and now Kyle, is totally, screwed....Only thing Cartman never betted on, however? Finally realizing he's got actual feelings for Kyle.Now, they're both screwed.





	1. It Hits the Fan (It All Comes to a...Head)

It all started on a boring Saturday. Three weeks before the annual Valentine’s Day Dance. The four boys sat, lazing around on Stan’s couch, aimlessly alternating between playing the few video games they hadn’t become totally bored of lately and simultaneously complaining about how bored they were.

“Can’t we do something else?” asked Kyle. “I feel like we’ve been playing the same shit over and over again for days.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do, Kyle?” asked Stan, toying around with the joystick. “We’ve already seen every movie out, there’s nothing on TV and no new game releases.”

“We could actually go outside and do something.”

“That’s gay,” said Cartman. His avatar shot down Stan’s.

“We’re on the same team, _asshole!_ ” Stan glared. Cartman snickered.

“Shut-up, Cartman, maybe if you ever bothered to spend any time outdoors, you wouldn’t be so fucking fat.” snapped Kyle.

“I’m not fucking fat, _Kyle_ , fuck you!” It was true, Cartman had grown into his body, as they were 16 by then. He was still chubby, just not extremely overweight, like before.

“Tell that to the dent in my couch that you’ve been warping over the past 12 or so years.”

“Have you seen your fucking mother lately?”

Kenny laughed, whilst Kyle fumed. “Don’t you _dare_ call my mom a “fat bitch”, ever again, or I swear to god—“

“—I didn’t, Kyle, _you_ did!”

Stan turned the TV off.

“Hey!” glared Cartman. “What the fuck, Stan?!”

“Kyle’s right,” said Stan. “We _seriously_ need to go outside.”

The four made their way to the little basketball court in their neighbourhood. Kyle brought a ball with them and they all took turns shooting hoops, until Cartman got bored and sat on the bench, playing on his phone.

“I told you going outside would be totally gay,” he said, eyes averted from the court.

“ _You’re_ the one choosing to be on his phone,” replied Kyle.

“We play basketball all the time!” Cartman glared. “I’m bored!”

“No. _We_ play basketball all the time. You just sit on your ass and complain.”

“If there’s something you’d rather do, then tell us instead of just bitching about it,” said Stan. He aimed for the hoop, missing by a sliver.

Cartman pondered this. He watched as Kyle swooped-in, taking the ball from Kenny, and shot the ball right through the net, all the way from the back of the court. He was good at that. “Hmm…”

“What?” Kyle glared, turning to face him. “What do you want, Cartman?”

 _“Nothing.”_ He smirked. “I just bet you couldn’t make that shot again.”

“Of course I can.” Kyle grabbed the ball from Stan, stepping back and aiming for the hoop again. The ball swished through, bouncing off the pavement.

“Yeah, but you couldn’t do it a third time.”

Kyle swiped the ball off the ground, running backwards and then taking another shot. Yet again, he made a perfect shot.

“Well, you definitely can’t do it a fourth time.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, grabbing the ball from Kenny.

_“Hey!”_

He stepped back and aimed, but this time, the ball rolled off the edge of the net, bouncing back onto the court.

“Ha!” laughed Cartman. “I was right! Jews can’t play basketball!”

“Fuck-off, _fatass!_ ” yelled Kyle. “I know for a fact you couldn’t even get one ball in the net.”

“Basketball is for pussies!”

“You’re only saying that because you can’t play basketball, Cartman,” said Stan. He and Kenny were passing the ball back and forth.

“So?! I can do way cooler things than something gay like basketball.”

“Oh, really?” Kyle glared. “What can you do, that is _so_ much cooler than basketball?”

“Remember that time I jumped all those homeless people on my bike?” bragged Cartman. “That was way cooler than Kyle playing basketball.”

“HA!” sneered Kyle. “You got lucky.”

“NO I DIDN’T, YOU _STUPID ASSHOLE!_ ” Cartman insisted, angrily hopping off the bench. _“I could do it all over again!”_

“Yeah right!”

“I could do it, Kyle, you’re just jealous!”

“What you did was totally insensitive and stupid,” said Kyle, grabbing the ball from Stan, and taking another missed shot. _“Fuck!”_

_“HA!”_

Kyle stepped off the court, going face-to-face with Cartman. “You really think you could make that jump again? _Prove it._ ”

“ _Prove_ it?!”

“Yeah!” said Kyle, pushing Cartman back. _“Prove it!”_

“I will, Kyle!” he said, pushing him back. “In fact, let’s make this a little more interesting.”

“Oh no,” said Stan, face-palming. “Guys, can we just _not_ do this today?”

“How so?” asked Kyle, narrowing his eyes at Cartman.

“It just occured to me, that you still owe me a little favour, Jew-boy.”

“What favour?”

“Fourth grade. You were supposed to suck my balls. I’m still waiting on that...”

“Oh, no, no, no. Forget it!” glared Kyle.

“Oh, I get it, Kyle.” Cartman smirked. “You know I can make that jump and you’re afraid you’re gonna have to suck my balls. Just admit it.”

“No, I’m not!” Kyle yelled. “I know for a fact, you’re gonna fall on your big fat ass! This is just immature.”

“Yeah. Exactly. This is immature. So let’s move on.” Stan insisted.

“You know what, Kyle, I bet I could jump even _further_. Beat my record. And that would be _so_ much cooler than your gay little basketball shit.”

Kyle fumed. “You could not!”

“Oh yeah?!” exclaimed Cartman. “If I can beat my own record, you have to suck my dick!”

“Your _dick?_ I thought it was balls!”

“It’ll feel better if you suck my dick.”

“Wow. Glad you’ve been reading-up on sexual anatomy over the last seven years.” Kyle rolled his eyes.

“Guys, I am begging you, to just drop it,” said Stan. “This can’t possibly end well.”

 _“I dunno, I kinda wanna see this,”_ said Kenny.

“Well, Kyle? Ready to admit I’m right?” smirked Cartman.

Kyle glared in his direction. “No. But I’m not _sucking_ your _dick_.” He took another shot at the hoop, failing again and kicking himself for it.

“HA!” Cartman sneered. “Because you know I’m right. And Jews still can’t even play basketball. Weak.”

“That’s it!” Kyle threw the ball aside. “You’re on! Bet’s on!”

Stan rolled his eyes. _“Kyle!”_

 _“Ooooooh-hoo-hoo!”_ cheered Kenny.

“Tomorrow. We’re setting up the ramp at my house, so there’ll be no fucking funny business.” Kyle shoved Cartman in the chest.

“Wonderful.” Cartman grinned, evilly. “I’ll bring my bike. Do you have a preferred lube-flavour, Kyle? I like to be nice and lubed-up before I get my _dick_ sucked.”

“I am _not_ sucking your _dick_ , Cartman.” Kyle insisted. “Prepare to eat your words, fat-boy.”

“Prepare to eat my _cock_ , Jew-boy.”

“You’re so on.”

 

* * *

 

“This is so retarded.” shouted Stan.

The boys, and nearly all their classmates, stood in Kyle’s front yard, as he and Kenny set-up the two ramps. Kyle didn’t trust Cartman to set it up himself.

“No dude, this is gonna be hilarious,” said Kyle. “Cartman is finally gonna have to shut-up about his fucking jump. He’s been going on about it for years.”

“Well, well, well.” Cartman pulled-up on his bike. “Setting-up a bike ramp for me _and_ sucking my dick? What _won’t_ Kyle do for me?”

Kyle turned around, facing his rival with a glare. “The only reason I’m setting it up myself, is so that you can’t fuck around with it and cheat, and you know it!”

“Just keep telling yourself that, Kyle.”

The ramp was actually meant for skateboarding, but the boys figured it would do the trick. It was tall and looked a little unstable, but Kenny insisted it would work. To pull off the jump, Cartman would have to ride his bike, as fast as possible, hit the ramp, and then land past a marker on the other side. No less. Of course, there were no homeless people involved this time and though Cartman begged people to take their places as land-markers, no one would do it. After all, the distance was all that actually mattered.

“There’s no way he can make that distance,” said Wendy, approaching Stan. She thought the whole thing was stupid too, but they had dinner with her parents afterwards and Stan had invited her. “I don’t even think it’s mathematically possible.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what Kyle’s betting on,” said Stan. “Otherwise, he’s in deep shit.”

“Why?” asked Wendy. “What are they betting?”

“If Cartman can make that jump, Kyle has to suck his dick.”

 _“Wow.”_ Wendy shook her head. “So glad I moved the dance committee meeting back to Monday for this.”

“You prepared to eat your words, Kyle?” Cartman asked, sizing-up the ramp.

“Shut-up,” replied Kyle. “There is no way in _hell_ , you can make a jump that far.”

“What does Kyle get if he wins?” asked Stan. “You never decided on that.”

 _“If Kyle wins, Cartman has to suck_ his _dick.”_ Kenny snickered.

“I don’t want Cartman to suck my dick!” Kyle turned red. “If…no, _when_ , I win, Cartman has to be _my_ slave for a week.”

“I gotta be honest dude, that doesn’t sound any less gay than sucking Cartman’s dick.”

 _“IT’S NOT GAY!”_ Cartman. Kyle gave him a weird look.

 _“It’s pretty gay,”_ said Kenny.

“Whatever,” said Cartman. “I’m ready.”

Kyle approached the ramp, once more, feeling at the supporting pillars. They felt a little weak. Yeah, Cartman annoyed him to no extent, but he didn’t want to see him die or anything. Maybe this was too dangerous.

“Um…Cartman…” Kyle started. “Stan’s right…this is retarded. Maybe we should call it off.”

“Aw.” smiled Cartman, pinching Kyle’s cheek. “Kyle is _worried_ about me. How precious.”

Kyle slapped his hand away, glaring. “You really wanna end-up in a hospital over this?”

“Fine. I’ll wear my helmet, god.” Cartman said, reaching for his backpack. “But don’t think you’re getting out of this, Kyle. _Ever_. I _will_ win. I _will_ win and you _will_ suck my dick. It could be _tonight_. It could be _tomorrow_. It could be ten years from now. But mark my words, Kyle, you _will_ suck my dick.”

“Let’s just get this over with, fatass.”

“I hope you don’t rush me this badly when you’re sucking my _dick, Kyle._ ”

“QUIT STALLING!” Kyle yelled. _“GO!”_

“Fine.” Cartman grumbled, hopping on his bike and making his way down the street, to gain momentum for the jump.

He was fast.

The ramp didn’t break. It wasn’t very sturdy, but no breakage.

And then he jumped.

It must have been the angle. The speed. The timing. And yeah, he crashed his bike hard, falling off, and tangling his legs around it.

But somehow…

_Somehow._

Somehow, even though it _never_ , in a _million_ years, should have worked… _Cartman made it way past the marker._

Kyle’s mouth dropped wide open, and didn’t shut. If he wasn’t lying on the ground, in writhing pain, Cartman totally would have made some sexual innuendo out of that. The crowd rushed over.

 _“Cartman!”_ Kyle exclaimed. His… _frenemy_ , was lying on the ground, face down-turned to the pavement. “Are you _okay?!_ ” He grabbed at his back, flipping him over.

He had a scrape on his right cheek and holes in both the knees of his pants. His ankle was wrapped around his bike. Cartman moaned in pain.

“Cartman? _Cartman?_ ” Kyle felt panic wash over him. Was he okay? Yeah, they… _kind of_ hated each other, but once again, he didn’t want him to die. He held his neck for support. “Can you hear me?”

 _“Kyle…”_ said Cartman, faintly reaching his hand up, to his face. “Kyle…I…”

“Dude…” said Stan, shaking his head. “Is he okay?”

_“Kyle…”_

Kyle blinked widely. “What is it?! Do you need a doctor? Oh, god, why did I _agree_ to this?! I knew someone was gonna get hurt.”

 _“Kyle…”_ said Cartman, dramatically shielding his eyes. “…You… _you_ …”

“What? _What?_ ”

“… _You_ have to _suck my DIII-ICK!_ ” Cartman sat up, cackling loudly. “ _HAHAHA!_ I _got_ you!”

Kyle glared, pushing him back onto the ground. “What the _fuck_ , Cartman?! You had me worried, you fat fucking _asshole!_ ”

“What the _fuck?!_ ” blinked Stan. “How are you _okay_ after that?” The crowd began to part, leaving the scene.

“Oh, believe me, I’m in _so_ much pain, dude,” said Cartman. “But I can't even feel it, over the _sweeeeeet_ feeling of _defeating Kyle!_ ”

“Oh, no, no, _no_.” fumed Kyle. “I am _not_ sucking your dick.”

“You have to!” insisted Cartman. “I beat my record.”

“You fucked-up your landing and nearly killed yourself!”

“That wasn’t part of the bet!”

“I am _not_ sucking your _dick!_ ” Kyle was infuriated. “Stan, Kenny, back me up on this!”

Stan rubbed his neck, awkwardly. “Well…I mean…”

Kyle’s expression dropped. “What are you _saying_ , Stan?”

“I mean…” Stan shrugged. “You _did_ agree to the bet, dude…”

 _“What?!”_ Kyle gasped. “Of _all_ the people to take _his_ side…”

 _“Well?!”_ said Stan. “I told you guys this was a retarded idea! _You’re_ the one who agreed to suck Cartman’s dick if he could complete that bike jump and he _did_ do it!”

“Kenny, please, back me up!” begged Kyle.

_“No way dude, this is way too fucking funny.”_

“For _fuck’s_ sake!” screamed Kyle.

“Fear not, Kyle, I even did you a favour,” said Cartman, weakly standing-up and reaching into his bag. “This lube is _kosher_.”

Kyle stomped his foot against the ground. “You don’t even need lube for a blowjob, _R-tard!_ ”

“Your room or mine, Kyle?” Cartman smirked.

“I hate you…so… _so_ , much.”

The front door of Kyle’s house slammed open. _“Kyle! Dinner!”_ shouted his mother. “Oh my! What have you boys been up to?”

Cartman cleared his throat, grinning widely. “Well, you see, Mrs. Broflovski, your son, Kyle, has agreed to—"

Kyle slammed a hand over Cartman’s mouth. _“Coming!”_

His mother gave them a weird look. “Eric, is there something on your face?”

“He’s _fine_.” Kyle glared, covering Cartman’s scrape. If she noticed he was injured, she’d ask why and then that would get into _way_ too many details he _definitely_ didn’t want his mom hearing about.

“You need to come inside, get cleaned-up and have dinner with us, Kyle.” His mother closed the door behind her, and he took a breath of relief.

“So…when are you gonna—“

“That is _not_ happening,” said Kyle, jabbing at Cartman’s chest. “Not in a million _fucking_ years. I don’t care if I lost our bet. Keep dreaming, Cartman. because I’m never, ever, _ever_ , sucking your dick.”

“Hey!” Cartman glared. “What the fuck, Kyle, that’s not fair! This is the second _fucking_ time!”

“I don’t really give a _fuck!_ ” Kyle stormed-up to his front door, slamming it shut behind him, before anyone could say anything else to him. Suck _Cartman’s dick?_ Yeah, right.

 _“Goddammit!”_ screamed Cartman. “He _will_ , suck my dick!”

“Dude, why do you want Kyle to suck your balls or whatever, so badly?” asked Stan. “It’s really, fucking weird.”

“Fuck you, Stan! Kyle will suck my dick and that’s _final!_ ”

 

* * *

 

Kyle stormed into school the next day, staring down at his feet, as he made his way to class.

“Oh, _Kyahhhhh-le_.”

He’d recognize that obnoxious. singsong voice just about anywhere.

“I know you have a free period later today…perhaps you could spend that time…sucking my _dick?_ ”

Kyle sank lower into his seat. Kenny giggled nearby and Stan raised an eyebrow. The previous night, after everyone had gone home, Cartman had called him.

_“Hey Kyle. Are you done eating dinner?”_

_“Yes,”_ said Kyle into the phone, irritated but too tired to really fight back. _“What the fuck do you want?”_

 _“Well, I was thinking, if you still have any room left for dessert…maybe you’d like to_ eat my dick! HAHAHA!”

 _“Fuck you.”_ He’d hung-up and buried his face into his pillow. _How did I get sucked into the same fucking bet again?_ he asked himself. _Why would I ever agree to this a_ second _time?_

Kyle figured his best option at this point would be to just ignore him…but it was difficult for him to ignore Cartman. He was obnoxious, annoying and obsessed with seeking _any_ form of attention he _possibly_ could from Kyle.

And it was true. Cartman really did seek any form of attention he could from Kyle. That same night, after Kyle slammed the phone down, Cartman cackled to himself. Boy, did he _love_ to get on his nerves…there was something so… _pleasurable_ , about seeing Kyle squirm. Every time Kyle yelled at him, he could feel his heart pound faster and faster…the frustrated expression, flushed cheeks, balled fists…was there something, maybe, _sexy_ , about it?

 _Definitely_. Cartman thought about Kyle sexually _all the time_. Often, it was uncontrollable…dreams where the sun was setting over a field, the wind blowing dramatically, Kyle standing in the distance. Cartman would make his way over, fantasizing about pulling his pants down, getting on his knees, and… _hmm_ …

Dreams like that had started materializing ever since he was a kid, and the first few times he woke-up in a confused sweat. _“What the fuck?”_

He’d had that same dream once after his first “suck-my-balls” bet with Kyle, but in that dream, Kyle turned around and his mouth was gone…so he _couldn’t_ suck Cartman’s balls. Horrifying.

But sometimes he thought about Kyle that way…when he was _awake_ too…he had lots of fantasies. Most about Kyle sucking his dick. Sometimes the dreams were a little too romantic for his taste…that was his subconscious that maybe viewed Kyle as _more_ than just a sexual object. Wide-awake, he’d prefer Kyle to sit on his knees and open wide and take it.

And now Kyle had to do it… _finally_ …Cartman had him right where he wanted him: he’d (basically) weaselled his way out of it the first time, back in the fourth grade. But they were in the eleventh grade now. Kyle knew the implications and he’d still gotten overly confident and taken the bet. And Cartman intended on making sure he followed through.

“Oh, _Kyahhhhh-le_.”

Kyle tried to focus on his notebook. Their teacher had started the lesson already, but he wasn’t hearing a thing she said.

 _“Kyahhhhh-le_.”

Kyle pressed so roughly into his paper, that it poked a hole right through. He grumbled, still refusing to acknowledge Cartman’s existence.

“Kenny, could you _pretty please_ pass this note to Kyle for me?”

Kenny snickered under his hoodie, tapping Kyle’s shoulder.

 _“What?!”_ he quietly snapped. “Is that from Cartman?”

_“Yeah.”_

“I don’t want it.”

“Oh, you’re gonna _want_ it.” Cartman sneered.

Kyle snatched the note from Kenny’s hand. He opened it to reveal what looked like a lewd drawing of Kyle (complete with his favourite green ushanka-hat and all), sucking Cartman’s dick. Hearts swarmed around the border of the doodle.

Kyle turned to the right, facing Cartman. _“Seriously?!”_

“I was worried,” whispered Cartman. “That maybe, you’re so hesitant about sucking my dick, because…you’re a Jew, and don’t know _how_. So I created… _mmph_ …instructions.”

“Are those supposed to be _muscles?_ Have you looked in a mirror recently, fatass?!”

Kenny laughed harder.

_“Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman!”_

The two turned their heads, as their teacher crossed her arms.

“You two are _completely_ disturbing my class.”

“I’m sorry, but please, Cartman is—“

“What is that?”

“What?”

 _“What,”_ she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Is _that?”_

“Um…” Kyle blinked, then realizing he was holding Cartman’s insane blowjob drawing. “It’s…nothing.”

She approached his desk, snatching the note out of his hand. Her face twisted in shock. _“Seriously?”_

“Yeah, that’s what _I_ said!”

“Both of you. To the office. _Now_. I won’t tolerate this type of lewd behaviour. Keep your personal relationships out of my class.”

Stan rolled his eyes, but Kenny giggled a little and Cartman was tearing-up from laughter.

 _“What?!”_ glared Kyle. “Personal _relationships?_ I didn’t even _draw_ that, it was—“

“I don’t wanna hear it. _Out_. Go see the counselour.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello, boys.”

The two sat next to each other in the guidance office. Mr. Mackey, like many of their other teachers, had moved-up with them to South Park High School, as younger teachers took over elementary. It was a small town.

“So…you were passing notes…well, passing notes in class is b—“

“You don’t have to tell _me_ , it’s “bad”!” glared Kyle. “ _I’m_ not the one who was passing notes. That was _Cartman!_ ”

“I was only trying to help Kyle!” Cartman feigned innocence. “I _swear_ , Mr. Mackey.”

“What exactly is this note of? I mean, what does it say?”

Kyle unfolded his arms, passing the note to Mr. Mackey. Their guidance counselour took one look, narrowing his eyes and adjusting his glasses. Then, he realized what it was. “Oh my god!” he exclaimed. “Is this _pornographic?!_ ”

 _“Yes!”_ said Kyle. “He drew it and passed it to me, but somehow I’m getting—“

“Listen boys. It is okay to be gay, m’kay? But you have to keep, um, personal things like this _outside_ of the classroom.”

Kyle just gave him a blank stare and Cartman burst out in a fit of laughter.

 _“WHAT?!”_ exclaimed Kyle.

“Now, Kyle, please don’t yell, m’kay? That kind of behaviour will not be tolerated. You and Eric need to keep your relationship out of the classroom. This drawing is…completely inappropriate. And not because it’s _gay_ , m’kay, um, because it’s pornographic.”

 _“WHAT?!”_ Kyle was still in complete shock.

“I mean, I actually think it’s great that you two have put aside your differences and formed a-a romantic or, um, _sexual_ relationship, but we cannot tolerate this sort of lewd behaviour…m’kay?” Mackey blinked. “Eric, quit laughing, this is serious!”

“I am _not_ in a relationship with Cartman!” Kyle fumed.

“Okay, Kyle, let’s not say or do anything drastic.” Mr. Mackey cleared his throat. “We’re here to resolve your relationship problems, not create any more.”

Cartman tried to stop laughing, but he burst out again, nudging Kyle’s hand. “Yeah, Kyle, babe, let’s not fight anymore… _m’okay?_ ” He continued laughing, to Kyle’s annoyance.

“I’m out,” said Kyle. “Just give me the detention.”

“No, Kyle, that’s not a-a proactive way to solve our problems, m’kay?”

“I don’t care,” he said, with a straight face. “Just give me detention.”

“If you boys aren’t going to take this seriously, I cannot help you!”

“I’m done.” Kyle grabbed his bag, making his way to the door and slamming it behind him.

Cartman continued laughing, nearly falling off his chair. Mr. Mackey sighed, looking over the drawing again.

“So Eric, I guess you finally came to terms with your homosexual feelings towards Kyle?”

_“WHAT?!”_

 

* * *

 

The next day was no better. Kyle thought he was going to _lose his shit_ on Cartman. He was still super persistent: absolutely fucking _set_ on having his dick sucked. He, Stan and Kenny were sitting together at lunch, Kyle picking at his food. He only ate kosher if his mom packed it for him, and it was one of those kinds of days.

“So.” Stan started. “Are you bringing anyone to the Valentine’s Day shit?”

 _“Probably,”_ said Kenny. _“I wanna get fucking_ laid.”

“Kyle?”

 _“What?”_ he blinked, staring at his food. “Oh. I dunno.”

“Why not?” asked Stan. “Dude, it’s in like…less than three weeks.”

“Why are you suddenly so invested in this?”

“I’m not.” Stan defended himself. “But Wendy wants to go, obviously, and she wants to rent a limo or something, so she needs dates for her friends.”

 _“Kyle will be too busy sucking Carman’s balls.”_ Kenny laughed.

“Oh god, not you too!” Kyle glared. “I will _never_ suck Cartman’s dick.”

“What did I just hear?” asked Cartman, sliding next to Kenny. “Kyle _will_ …be sucking my dick?”

 _“NO!”_ said Kyle, pointing towards the door of the cafeteria. “Cartman, get out of here.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk…breaking promises, harassing his closest friends…Kyle really is on a downward spiral, isn’t he, you guys?”

“Cartman, I swear to _god_ …”

“I was thinking, Kyle…we should pick a date soon…how does tonight sound? My place, obviously, I don’t want your Jew parents walking in and ruining the moment…bring candles. I want the lighting to be _just_ right…I’m gonna take pictures, obviously. I don’t want to _ever_ forget the _very moment_ you open wide, and—“

“I hate you. So. _Much_.” Kyle grabbed his lunch, stuffing it into his bag and making his way out of the cafeteria.  
“Yeah, well, you better not bring that attitude to my _dick-sucking_ , tonight!” Cartman called after him, just a little too loud, as a few people looked over and snickered. Kyle ignored it, slamming the door open and leaving.

“Dude,” said Stan. “This is getting so weird.”

“Hey, fuck you, Stan, whatever. I won the bet and Kyle _will_ suck my dick. Let it be known.”

“But why do you want him to suck your dick so much?” Stan narrowed his eyes. “You really don’t see _anything_ weird about that at all?”

“I _know why he wants Kyle to suck his dick.”_ Kenny snickered.

Cartman’s cheeks turned bright red. “It’s for the fucking _principle!_ ” he exclaimed. “We made a bet that Kyle had to suck my balls and he never followed through, so now he has to suck my dick! I won _fair and square!_ ”

“Yeah, but you could have picked anything and you picked… _that_ ,” said Stan, picking at his sandwhich. “Why didn’t you just pick money or something?”

Cartman was flustered. “Be…because…’cause it’s way fucking funnier, Stan, _god_ , you guys have no sense of humour!”

“It sounds pretty gay to—“

 _“IT’S NOT GAY!”_ Cartman insisted.

But breaking-out in a sweat, Cartman recalled his dream from the night before: He was running in a field, as usual, the sunset illuminating Kyle’s figure before him. Dream-Kyle would turn around, dramatically removing his favourite green ushanka. Dream-Cartman would blush. He thought about Kyle’s wild red curls, piercing green eyes, soft complexion…he’d been having those dreams a lot more often lately, _especially_ leading-up to their lewd-bet.

Still, he lied.

“Goddammit, it’s not _gay!_ It’s the _principle!_ ”

“Whatever, dude,” said Stan. “But if I were you, I’d just let it go. You’re really pissing-off Kyle.”

“HA! _GOOD!_ ” Cartman said, pounding the table. “Fuck Kyle!”

 _“I bet you’d like to.”_ Kenny laughed.

_“SHUT-UP, KENNY!”_

 

* * *

  

Kyle sat-up in bed that night, still fuming about that day. Who the fuck did Cartman think he was, ordering him around like that? Yeah, he’d lost their bet, but he couldn’t _actually_ expect him to suck his dick? _Right?_

Kyle thought about it. He’d never sucked a dick before, obviously. He’d only ever dated girls, and casually too…so there wasn’t much dick-sucking involved in that. Plus, he hadn’t even had actual sex yet…he wasn’t really sure he wanted his first, _real_ , sexual encounter to be sucking Cartman’s dick. He _really_ didn’t want that.

But if he just agreed to do it, would that be the end of all Cartman’s constant begging? Kyle was beginning to get the feeling that it was about a lot more than just a blowjob out of _principle_ …

His cell phone rang. Kyle turned it over. _FATASS is calling._ “Oh, great.” he moaned, rejecting Cartman’s call and tossing his phone onto the other side of the bed.

The phone rang again. Kyle clenched his teeth, grabbing his phone and rejecting the call again.

…And it rang _again_.

 _“Kyle, it’s late!”_ his mother knocked on the door of his bedroom. _“No phone calls!”_

Kyle knew Cartman wouldn’t stop calling until he received some form of attention, so he ignored his mother’s order and answered.

_“What?!”_

_“I’ve been waiting all night, Jew-boy.”_ He could tell Cartman was smirking on the other end. _“Where were you?”_

“What are you talking about?”  
  
_“You were supposed to come over tonight and_ suck my dick!”

“We never agreed on that and I will, once again, never, ever, ever, ever, _ever_ suck your dick.”

 _“Yes, Kyle…_ you will.”

 _“NO, I WON’T!”_ Kyle hung-up and just turned his phone off. His mom would wake him up for breakfast anyway, so he wouldn’t need his alarm. It was easier this way.

Once again, before drifting off to sleep, Kyle wondered if just getting it over with and sucking Cartman’s dick would be the best possible solution at that point. _No fucking way,_ he thought. _Never, in a million years._

 

* * *

  

The next day, on Wednesday, shit hit the fan.

“Did you study for this algebra bullshit?” asked Stan. He and Kyle were at Kyle’s locker, while he grabbed a textbook.

“I…tried,” Kyle replied. “But I’ve been a little preoccupied lately.”

“Well…have you thought about the dance yet? Because Wendy keeps asking me if you have a date and it’s pissing me off.”

“Stan, I don’t have—"

“Kyle, Kyle, _Kyle_.”

Kyle turned his head. It was Cartman, of course.

“Great.” he glared. “ _Now_ what do you want?”

“You never showed-up last night!” At that point, a few passerby were watching.

“Cartman, shut- _up_ …”

“How could you do that to me, Kyle? Bail on me? When all I wanted was a special, intimate, night between the two of us?”

“Shut your _fucking_ mouth, _Cartman!_ ”

“Kyle, we had a…deal…you made me a _promise!_ ” Cartman fake-sniffled. “I thought we had something special, but then you, just…”

“Shut the fuck up, fat—“

“You leave me high and dry, _Kyle!_ ” said Cartman, dramatically as ever. “You left me with blue balls! Kyle, my balls are _dry!_ They’ve dried- _out!_ How could you do that to me?”

_“CARTMAN!”_

“Kyle, you _broke_ me!” he exclaimed. “Why won’t you just live up to the end of our bet and suck my—“

 _“That does it!”_ Stan tried to hold him back, but Kyle had already grabbed Cartman by the collar, pushing him up against a few lockers. “Cartman, I swear to fucking _god_ , if you ask me to suck your dick one more time, I will…”

“You’ll _what_ , Kyle?” Cartman smirked. His cheeks were noticeably flushed. He looked a little… _too_ pleased with himself. “Please, _do_ go on.”

There was a weird energy forming between the two of them, and Kyle felt his own cheeks getting hot. He shook his head, snapping back to reality. “I’m gonna—“

_“Kyle Broflovski!”_

Kyle let go of Cartman. It was Mr. Garrison.

“What in the _hell,_ are you doing to Eric?”

 _“It’s just a lover’s quarrel.”_ Kenny laughed. Kyle hadn’t even noticed he was there.

“Now boys, I know from personal experience that relationships are tough, but you can’t just go acting-out any of your rough, gay BDSM foreplay in the middle of the hallways!”

Cartman burst into tears of laughter. Kyle felt his own fist balling-up tightly. “WE ARE _NOT_ A _GAY COUPLE!”_

“Oh. Then go to the office and get a detention slip for fighting in school.”

Kyle banged his head up against his locker in frustration, as Cartman laughed on and on. He just couldn’t win this week.

“We  _are_  a couple, Mr Garrison.” Cartman insisted through laughs. “Kyle’s just…on his _period_ this week.”

“Quiet, Eric, you and Kyle need to stop disturbing my hallways with your gay little fight!”

“Oh my _god_ , this is the best week of my life.” Cartman wiped away a tear, as Kyle silently fumed at his locker.

When Garrison was out of site, Kyle grabbed Cartman by the collar again, the fabric of his jacket bunching-up in his clenched fist. “Cartman, I’m gonna fucking—“

Stan pulled Kyle off of him, Kenny grabbing Cartman. “Dude, it’s not worth the detention, just stop.”

Kyle tried harder, clawing at Cartman, who was still in hysterics. “I’ll see you later, Kyle. My place, 9 PM. Bring lipgloss.”

“I _HATE_ YOU!” If Stan wasn’t holding him back, Kyle knew he could’ve killed Cartman, right where he stood. His heart was pounding and his face, flushed. He hated Cartman _so much_ in that very moment, he almost felt… _aroused_. He shoved the thought out of his mind.

Once he was out of site, Stan let him go. Kyle slammed his locker shut, as Kenny returned.

“Dude.”

“I know, _I KNOW_.” Kyle clenched his teeth. “He drives me _insane_.” Kenny raised an eyebrow, snickering, and setting Kyle off again. “Oh, that’s another thing, what’s your problem, Kenny? You think this is so _funny?!_ ”

 _“Yeah,_ ” said Kenny. _“Pretty much.”_

“It _isn’t!_ ”

“Kyle, _you’re_ the one who agreed to this bet with him.” glared Stan. “This is your own fault. You did this to yourself. I even told you _not_ to do it.”

“How would I know he could complete that jump?!” exclaimed Kyle. “That was totally, fucking _insane!_ ”

“Still.”

“I don’t know what to do,” said Kyle. “I’m seriously at the end of my rope, here. You know _Cartman_. He won’t fucking shut-up until he gets his way. And I can’t _...suck his dick._ So what am I supposed to _do?_ ”

Stan hesitated. “Well…I mean…there is _one_ thing you could do.”

“What is it?” Kyle turned his head.

“Look, dude, you’re really not gonna like this, but just hear me out…” said Stan. “Say _‘yes’._ ”

Kyle blinked, not knowing what to say. _“What?”_

“Tell Cartman…” said Stan. “You’ll suck his dick.”

Kyle blinked again. “…Have you lost your fucking _mind?!_ ”

“Look,” said Stan, glaring. “Cartman is all talk. You’ll say, _“Yes, I’ll suck you dick”_ or whatever, and I guarantee you, he’ll back down.”

“Why would you think _that?!_ ”

“Because dude, he probably doesn’t _actually_ want you to suck his dick!” exclaimed Stan. “He just loves pissing you off and watching you squirm every time he mentions it. All Cartman wants, is to see you get pissed off. So if you _actually agree_ to suck his dick…”

“…He won’t go through with it,” said Kyle. Stan was a genius.

“Exactly,” said Stan, moving his backpack further up on his shoulder. “He’ll be surprised. And he won’t go through with it. And then it’ll be over.”

Kyle bit his lip. “I dunno…I’m still really, _really_ , morally objected even to _saying_ , I’ll suck Cartman’s dick.”

“Well, that’s probably the only way you’re gonna get out of it.”

 _“That won’t fucking_ work.” Kenny disagreed.

“Why not?” asked Kyle.

 _“Because Cartman_ actually wants _you to suck his dick!”_

Kyle narrowed his eyes. He knew exactly what Kenny was getting at…he’d always kind of… _suspected_ Cartman’s obsession with him might lean a little bit on the sexual side, but he didn’t like to think about it much. “What do you mean?”

_“You know what I mean.”_

“Look, Kyle, this is probably your best bet if you wanna get him to leave you alone.” insisted Stan. “Because this whole thing is annoying the rest of us too.”

 _“No, Cartman totally actually_ wants _to fuck Kyle, are you fucking kidding me?! He’s been at this shit since we were—”_

 _“STOP!”_ Kyle sighed. “Ugh…I never should have agreed to that bet in the first place.”

“No shit.”

“Let’s just go to class,” said Kyle, head spinning. “I’m exhausted.”

 

* * *

 

That night, Kyle thought about what Stan had told him to do. He figured he was right. Cartman just wanted the satisfaction of hearing him _finally_ agree to do the deed. He couldn’t _actually_ want him to suck his dick… _right?_ That was way too weird.

He tossed and turned, remembering what Kenny said: _“Cartman_ actually wants _you to suck his dick!…You know what I mean.”_

That night he had a dream, A weirdly erotic dream…he hadn’t felt like it was really that erotic, but the dream was of Cartman, pushed-up against his locker like he’d done that day, and when Kyle woke-up, he noticed his sheets were drenched in sweat and his pants felt tight.

“Oh, god.” Kyle groaned. Was he seriously getting aroused by the tension between him and his childhood enemy? Cartman had taken this too far. He was in his fucking head now; at least he must have been, for Kyle to be having _erotic fantasies_ about him pressed-up against a locker. _Ugh,_ he shuddered.

He decided Stan’s suggestion was his absolute best bet if he finally wanted to end things.

 

* * *

 

Kyle stormed into school the next day. He swallowed the lump in his throat, prepared for a spectacle…anything to end their twisted bet.

When he approached Cartman’s locker, he was already standing around with Stan and Kenny. The moment Cartman saw Kyle approach, he smirked widely.

“Kyle,” said Cartman, rubbing his hands together. “How nice of you to show-up.”

“Hi, Cartman.” Kyle glared.

“Have you finally picked a date to suck my dick?” asked Cartman. “‘Cause I was thinking…could you bring scented candles? I want my room to smell like roses and vanilla when you suck my cock.”

“Okay. Tonight. 9 PM. _My_ place.”

Stan’s jaw dropped and Kenny raised his eyebrows. Neither of them really expected Kyle to go along with Stan’s idea.

“Wait… _what?_ ” blinked Cartman.

“Yeah.” glared Kyle. “I said tonight. And bring your own fucking candles.”

“You’re gonna do… _what_ , tonight?”

“Suck your dick,” said Kyle, taking a step closer to Cartman. “I’m gonna _suck your dick._ ”

Cartman looked both ways. “You’re gonna…come over, and…wait, you’re—“

“No, _you’re_ gonna come over, and I’ll suck your dick, Cartman.” Kyle stepped even closer, now face to face with him. “Isn’t that what you wanted? For me, to _suck_ your _dick?”_

Cartman swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He could feel his pants tightening around the crotch, and beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He had never really expected Kyle to finally say _‘yes’_. “Um, yes.”

“Because that’s what you wanted, right, Cartman?” asked Kyle, digging his finger into Cartman’s chest. He was a bit shorter than Cartman, but his unshaken confidence was intimidating. “You want me to suck your dick to romantic music and candlelight?”

Cartman looked away. “Wh-What are you saying, Kyle?”

“I’m saying, you’re gonna come over tonight and I’ll _suck your dick_ ,” said Kyle. “I’m putting an end to our bet, once and for all.”

 _“Oh,”_ said Cartman. He bit his lip, hands hovering over his crotch. “Okay, Kyle.”

“We have a deal, fat-boy?”

“Yeah,” said Cartman, face a bright shade of red. He tugged at his hat, crossing his legs over to hide his growing erection. “Sounds good, Kyle.” He closed his locker, nervously shuffling to the bathroom, desperately hoping no one noticed how aroused he was.

“Holy _shit_ , dude,” said Stan.

“You think that worked?” asked Kyle.

“I mean, have you ever seen Cartman back down that easily?”

 _“I think he had a fucking_ boner.”

“Don’t make it weird, Kenny!” Kyle backed away. “God, that was… _ugh_. Whatever. As long as he doesn’t _actually_ show-up at my house tonight expecting a blowjob, I think I’m finally off the hook for this one.”

“What if he does?”

“Then I’m not doing it, obviously,” said Kyle, shaking his head.

_“Obviously.”_

 

* * *

 

At 8:30 PM, Cartman was still freaking-out. Kyle was finally gonna suck his dick. He couldn’t think straight all day. He didn’t know how he had controlled his anticipation back when they were in fourth grade. The idea of Kyle on his knees, with his dick in his mouth was just… _way_ too appealing.

…What appealed to him more though, however, was the actual idea of being laid down in bed, legs spread, Kyle bare-chested, over his body, sucking his cock, Cartman holding on for life. Oh, to picture himself being pinned down against a bed, by Kyle. He’d moan loudly…Cartman bet he had a skilled tongue. He’d always pictured Kyle as a rough lover, but a soft-hearted boyfriend…probably the type to fall asleep against his chest after sex. The thought was almost more appealing than an _actual_ blowjob…

And that’s when he knew he was _fucked_.

Cartman ran to the bathroom, splashing water over his face. Oh yeah, his feelings for Kyle were a lot more than just _sexual_ …maybe lying about Kyle being his boyfriend back in the fourth grade had been less about setting-up Token and Nichole, and more about his own, _personal_ wish-fulfillment.

“What the _fuck?_ ” he wondered aloud, into the mirror. His cheeks were bright pink and his stomach was filled with butterflies.

He couldn’t go through with it.

 

* * *

 

An hour had passed, and Cartman still hadn’t shown-up. Kyle smirked to himself, satisfied. Cartman had won their bet, but Kyle was coming-out on top. Stan was right, Cartman was all talk, no action. He didn’t want his dick sucked, he wanted to see Kyle squirm…and he had failed. He texted Stan, to deliver the good news. _Kyle won._

But that night, as Kyle drifted-off to sleep, he couldn’t stop _thinking_ about it…what if he _had_ gone through with the deal? Would he have even known what to _do?_ Would he have done a _good job?_ He shook off those thoughts.

Kyle’s dreams that night were… _bizarre_ to say the least. He didn’t often have sex dreams, so having one out of nowhere would have been surprising on its own…however, it was especially shocking to have a dream that Cartman was sucking _his_ dick.

 _“How was that, Kyle?”_ Dream-Cartman lifted his head, wiping his mouth off. _“You like that, Jew-boy?”_

Kyle woke-up, sitting-up straight in bed, wiping his forehead off. His dick was still erect and he could tell he had came at some point.

“What the fuck?!” he said, rubbing his eyes and crawling out of bed. He was embarrassed, noticing how messy the sheets were, pulling them off the bed and running downstairs to the laundry room. He tossed them into the washing machine with detergent. He could wash off the evidence, but that dream was… _unforgettable_. And oddly _satisfying_.

Making his way back upstairs to his room, Kyle first stepped into the washroom. He pulled off his hat, running a hand through his thick red hair, staring at himself in the mirror. Who the hell _was_ he, having a sex dream about _Eric Cartman_ like that? Was it stress, or some underlying _attraction?_

He didn’t want to think about it. Tomorrow he’d get the last laugh and that was all that mattered.

 

* * *

 

_“So, is Kyle good at giving head?”_

Cartman stood at his locker, shielding his face with it. It was around lunch hour and he’d avoided his friends all day.

Stan narrowed his eyes, wondering if Cartman would lie about the whole ordeal. Kyle had already told him that night before, he hadn’t shown-up.

But before Cartman could answer, Kyle showed-up.

_“HA!”_

Cartman turned his head. Kyle stood there, hands on his hips. “What do you want, _Kyle_?”

“I knew you’d pussy out!”

“Shut-up, _Jew!_ ” Cartman could feel a sweat coming on. His attraction to Kyle came in waves, particularly _large_ waves when he saw him this… _enthralled_.

“Just admit you’re full of shit, Cartman,” said Kyle. “You’ve been acting _sooooo_ high and fucking mighty about me sucking your dick, and then you didn’t even show-up last night. I called your bluff, fat-boy!”

“Maybe I just didn’t wanna do something that _gay_ , Kyle!” he glared.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, _no_ ,” said Kyle. “You were _so_ ready to get your fucking balls sucked back in fourth grade, so don’t even _try_ that shit with me. Just admit you’re a pussy.”

“I wasn’t the one willing to suck a dick, _Kyle!_ ”

“I was _never_ gonna _suck your dick!_ ” Kyle insisted, pushing Cartman back to the lockers. “I knew you’d pussy out, so I _tricked_ you!”

 _“I don’t believe you!”_ Cartman pushed him back. Kyle felt his heartbeat quicken at that, feeling slight arousal again. He shook it off. A bit of a crowd formed behind them.

“Well, you’d _better believe it!_ ” fumed Kyle. “Because I am _never_ , _ever,_ in a million _fucking_ years, sucking your dick and you’re full of shit, because you’d never _actually_ take it either!”

The crowded ooh-ed, making both boys uncomfortable. Stan sighed, annoyedly, as Kenny giggled at the spectacle.

“Fuck-you, _Kyle!_ ”

“No, Cartman. _Fuck-you._ ”

The two headed opposite directions.

 _“Well,_ that _was really fucking gay.”_

“Yup,” said Stan. “That was _really fucking gay._ ”

 

* * *

  

Cartman was humiliated. And angry. How dare Kyle accuse him of being an _“pussy”_ …especially when Kyle was the one he had been prepared to suck his dick, _just_ a day before.

Of course, Kyle did insist it was a cover to entrap him…Cartman wondered what would have happened if he really _had_ shown-up to Kyle’s house that night…would Kyle have sucked his dick?

Still, thinking about Kyle made him turn red in the cheeks…which, of course, was much too embarrassing to tell anyone, ever. Nah, that was a crush that not even _he_ wanted to admit to _himself_ , that he had. And he’d been in denial for nearly 8 years by then.

Even so…he refused to let Kyle get the best of him. He was gonna teach him a lesson.

He was _not_ a pussy…and Kyle was about to find that out, real fast.

 

* * *

  

It was midnight. Kyle awoke again, in a sweat, from a stupid fucking sex dream _about Cartman_. He got-up, ignoring the erection that was forming, going to the bathroom to get a glass of water, like he always did when he woke-up in the middle of the night, in a panic.

The plan was to get a glass of water, slip back into bed… _beat one off_ , and forget the entire thing had ever happened.

Things did _not_ go according to plan.

“Hello, _Kyle._ ”

Moonlight shone through Kyle’s room, landing right over Cartman. He was standing near Kyle’s desk, hands clenched together.

“What the fuck?!” glared Kyle. He was actually already kind of used to Cartman sneaking into his house, but he hadn’t done it since maybe, junior high. They had a complex relationship, to say the very least. Kyle slammed the door behind him, making his way past Cartman towards his desk, closing the window he’d snuck in through, and turning on his lamp. Warm, but dim light filled the room. “Cartman, what the _fuck_ are you _doing_ here?!”

“Kyle, I am _not_ a pussy!” Cartman insisted.

“Well, you’re either a pussy or gay,” said Kyle. “So, which is it?”

“DON’T BE HOMOPHOBIC, _KYLE!”_

“I’m not being homophobic!” Kyle glared. “That’s just a _fact!_ If you want _me_ , to suck _your dick_ , that’s gay!”

“It’s the _principle!_ ” Cartman stomped his foot.

“Really? Is it _really?_ ” asked Kyle, getting brave. It was so satisfying to see Cartman squirm for once. “Cartman, why of all things, of _all things_ you could ask for in a bet, you wanted _me_ …to _suck your dick?_ ”

Cartman averted his eyes. “For…the _principle_.”

“Would you have asked Stan? Or _Kenny?_ For the same thing, if they’d bet against you?”

 _No_ , Cartman thought. “Um…”

“And I mean, you had to _really_ want it too, Cartman,” said Kyle, coming in even closer. “You crashed your _bike_ to win this bet.”

Cartman felt for the scrape on his cheek. It was practically gone by then, but it had hurt like a son-of-a-bitch at the time.

“I mean,” said Kyle. “Unless you really _were_ all talk, which makes you a pussy.”

Cartman lost it. “FINE!” he admitted. “FINE! Kyle, I admit, _I FUCKING WANTED IT!”_

_“WHY?!”_

Cartman pushed Kyle up against the wall, slamming his mouth against his. Kyle abandoned all common sense and ignored every bone in his body, screaming, _“stop!”_ , and kissed him right back. It was as if every interaction over the years, every bit of nasty sexual tension they’d ever felt and ignored, came spilling-out in that moment. Kyle pushed Cartman off of him.

 _“What the fuck?!”_ breathed Cartman.

“This is happening on _my_ fucking terms, not yours.” Kyle gasped. _“Fatass.”_ He pushed Cartman onto his bed, crawling on top and pressing his lips back onto his. They kept making-out, aggressively, rolling around on the bed, with Kyle on top. If this was going to happen, he was going to be in control: that’s for sure. Plus, Cartman was still chubby and he didn’t know if he _wanted_ him to be the one on top either. Cartman reached-up, pulling Kyle’s hat off, and tossing it onto the floor next to them, running his fingers through his hair. Kyle could feel Cartman’s crotch rubbing up against his and he was clearly already rearing a huge erection already…and his was slowly creeping back too.

“Getting…hard… _already_ …Kyle?” smirked Cartman, between a kiss.

 _“Fuck off.”_ Kyle kissed him back, angrily, then lowered his body, reaching for the button on the other boy’s pants. He clicked them open, and tore the pants downward, over Cartman’s thighs. his dick was nearly full erect, practically about to tear his boxers apart. “Why did you already have a huge boner when I got back here?! Were you watching me _sleep?!_ ”

“No, I…snuck in…while…you…were gone…don’t… _flatter_ yourself… _Jew_ …”

“Why am I… _doing_ this?!” breathed Kyle, wiping a bead of sweat off of his forehead. “You should be…sucking… _my_ dick.”

“I…won…the bet…suck… _my_ dick…”

“I… _hate_ you.” Kyle moved down his legs, pulling down the top of Cartman’s boxers. His cock was hard. Kyle realized this was his last chance to tell him ‘no’, but surprisingly, he was okay with it. He rolled his eyes, hating himself in that moment, but he knew once he did this, Cartman would be under his command.

“Get to work!” demanded Cartman.

Kyle glared. “Tell me to suck your cock, _one more time,_ and it’s not happening, fatass!”

Cartman rolled his eyes, checks red, as he realized what was happening. Sex of _any kind_ with Kyle had been a very suppressed dream of his for a very long time, and it was finally about to happen.

Kyle bit his lip, but decided just to go for it — and as roughly as he could. He started at the tip, working his way down to the base with his tongue, lightly running his teeth along it, just to fuck him up.

“ _Oh_ …oh, _Kyle_ , um— that— _OW!_ ”

 _“Shut-up!”_ hissed Kyle. “My parents are asleep!”

“Do you have to use your fucking _teeth?!_ ”

“Yeah, cause _fuck you!_ ”

“You’re gonna _bruise_ it.” He whined.

“You’d deserve it.”

Kyle moved back down, wrapping his mouth around Cartman’s cock, moaning softly as he went in. He remembered Kenny once telling him that girls usually hummed during blowjobs, because it stopped them from gagging. The technique worked.

Cartman was sitting up against his bed and he gripped Kyle’s hair as he went on. He moaned-out in pleasure, face contorting as chills went down his spine. The blowjob in itself was _amazing_ , but the fact it was coming from _Kyle_ made it 100x better. Cartman’s legs closed in on Kyle, keeping the other boy locked in his grip.

Kyle, surprisingly, didn’t really mind the feeling of another guy’s dick in his mouth. Growing-up he’d been kind of put off by anything phallic and he wondered if it was because he had some sort of subconscious interest in sucking cock. After all, he could feel himself getting increasingly harder in the process. _Whatever_ , he decided. It was nice to see Cartman sweating and to feel him holding onto him for dear life. And it was _so_ nice for Cartman to be the one squirming instead, especially because Kyle knew Cartman had expected to be the one dominating him and not vice versa.

“Kyle…I’m…oh…oh-oh- _ohhhhhhh_ , I—“

Cartman came _hard_. Right into Kyle’s mouth. He pulled away from his dick, covering his mouth and glaring. He climbed out of Cartman’s loosened grip, getting off the bed.

 _“Well…?”_ breathed Cartman. “Just… _swallow_ …it.”

Kyle’s eyes widened. It seemed so… _nasty_ …to straight-up _swallow_ that much cum, but he didn’t really have a better option at the moment. He rolled his eyes and swallowed Cartman’s load. He was _never_ gonna hear the end of that.

 _“Kyle…”_ smirked Cartman, still panting. “So…you really _are_...a…dirty, _dirty_ , girl…”

 _“Fuck off,”_ said Kyle, wiping his mouth, with the back of his hand. “That tasted _disgusting!_ What the fuck did you _eat_ today?”

Cartman smirked, still red in the face and sweating through his t-shirt. “You’re…harder now…Kyle…”

Kyle looked down. His pyjama pants felt very tight. Sure he’d already been hard before, but now, he had a full-on _erection_. He crossed his arms, cheeks turning a shade of red darker than his own hair.

“So…I guess you _did_ …like sucking my dick? Looks like my drawing really helped. You're welcome, Kyle.” Cartman sneered, sitting-up.

Kyle crossed back over to the bed, standing right by Cartman. “ _You’re_ the one who submitted to _me_. Let’s make that very fucking clear. _You_ were the one moaning and writhing around in bed. I made you moan _my_ name out and really _take it_. So don’t try me, _Cartman_.”

The other’s boy’s face instantly turned red again. It Kyle hadn’t just sucked his dick clean, he’d have gotten a second boner.

 _“What?!”_ asked Kyle.

“Nothing, _nothing_ ,” said Cartman, looking away.

“Seriously, _what?!_ Why are you making that face?”

“You’re just so... _hot_ when you’re angry. That’s all.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, turning a bit redder himself. If Cartman honestly found it _“hot”_ when Kyle was angry, that would explain _so_ , so much…

“Yeah, okay, whatev—“ Before Kyle could finished his sentence, Cartman grabbed him by the hands, pulling him back onto the bed. _“Hey!”_

“Shut-up, Kyle, your fucking parents, remember?” Cartman pressed Kyle down onto the bed, facing away from the headboard.

Kyle seethed. “ _What_ are you _doing?_ ”

“You’re _hard_ , Kyle,” said Cartman, reaching for the waistband on Kyle’s pants. “I’m doing you a favour.” He tugged the pyjamas downward, and over Kyle’s knees. Seeing his boxers and the, definitely circumcised, hard cock beneath it, made his mouth water. His cheeks were on fire and he could feel his body trembling at the vision. He’d spent an unhealthy amount of years, even since childhood, lusting after a moment just like this.

Kyle rolled his eyes for the thousandth time that night. “Why is your body shaking?”

“SHUT-UP, _KYLE!_ ”

“Let’s get this over with.” Kyle rolled his eyes, again, but decided he was okay with it: Kenny _raved_ about blowjobs and he already had an erection…so why not? “Hurt me, and I’ll seriously fucking kill you, Cartman. _I will._ ”

Cartman tugged at the waistband of Kyle’s boxers, pulling them down. He bit his lips, viewing his long-time crush’s dick, mouth watering. Cartman gripped Kyle’s cock. Unlike the other boy, who was embarrassed and hesitant about giving another guy head, Cartman had never wanted something more. He wasn’t going to be shy about it. He started at the tip, licking it and teasing it, before going all in. He loved the feeling, rubbing his tongue aggressively against the dick, in an up and down motion.

“Oh…dear, _god_ …” Kyle moaned, unintentionally. He gripped the duvet covers in his hands, trying his hardest not to moan and give Cartman any satisfaction. Cartman kept going, harder and faster, and Kyle bit his lip, resisting moaning, _screaming_ , at all, not just to piss off the other boy, but because he knew how his mother would react if she knew he was getting head just a few doors over, from his childhood rival.

Cartman was frustrated that Kyle was so resistant to moan and it took awhile to work him up to a climax. He put more and more pressure on his dick, pressing hard with his tongue and sucking, working up and down.

“Oh, _god!_ ” Kyle finally came and Cartman took it all in, gratefully, feeling satisfied that he’d been able to work him all the way up. He slide off the cock, wiping his mouth and swallowing the cum. Kyle was panting, wiping-off his own forehead.

“ _Tasty_ ,” said Cartman. “I knew I could make you cum.”

“Shut… _up_ …” Kyle breathed. It felt _good_ getting his dick sucked.

“Admit you _wanted_ my dick in your mouth, Kyle,” said Cartman, sitting-up, smugly.

Kyle jolted upwards, so that they were eye-to-eye. “Let’s make one thing very clear, Cartman, I only did this to _shut_ you _up_.”

“Really, Kyle?” asked Cartman. “Because…you let me suck your dick too and that wasn’t part of the bet either.”

“It makes us even!” Kyle snapped.

“Getting your dick sucked by a guy makes you gay!”

“Then that makes _you_ gay, _too!_ ”

“I’m not gay!”

“ _I’m_ not gay!”

And both of them liked girls too, it wasn’t like they were _100% gay,_ but in that moment everything felt a bit… _confusing_.

“Whatever, Kyle, I got my dick sucked, _and_ I made you cum, so—“

Kyle grabbed his shirt, pushing him down onto the bed. Laying back on top, their eyes were locked. “Let’s make one thing, _very_ clear. This thing, that just happened between the two of us? It stays fucking _private_. Not a _word_. Not to… _Stan_ or _Kenny_ …not to _anyone_. Not a fucking soul. Don’t even write about it in your diary.”

Cartman glared. “I don’t have a _diary!_ ”

“Yes you do, Kenny told me he found it.”

“That son of a bitch, I swear to _god!_ ”

 _“Cartman!”_ glared Kyle. “Are we clear?”

Cartman glared right back, swallowing deeply. “Fine, Kyle.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

_“Good.”_

They was a moment where they just maintained eye contact, wondering whatever was next to come…but the sexual tension was too much, and they both leaned in again, making-out like it was a competition, neither ever wanting to admit how satisfying it was.

 

* * *

 

“So,” said Stan, fiddling around with the joystick on his PS4 controller. “Is Cartman still begging you to suck his balls?”

Kyle grinned to himself. “Nope. He hasn’t mentioned it since…our _confrontation_.”

“I told you it would work.” Stan laughed. Kenny rolled his eyes.

…If only they had known the truth…of course, Kyle hadn’t let Stan in on exactly _what_ confrontation he was talking about…as in, he hadn’t mentioned sucking Cartman’s balls since their very _intimate_ confrontation, the night before. Now, he, Stan and Kenny were sitting in Stan’s living room, playing video games: it felt like everything was finally getting back to normal again.

Cartman burst into the living room, slamming the front door behind him. He avoided Kyle’s eyes and Kyle looked away too, feeling satisfied at the other boy’s discomfort…even if he himself, was blushing.

“Hey, Cartman,” said Stan.

“Oh, uh, hey guys,” replied Cartman. He awkwardly took his usual seat next to Kyle, still not giving him any eye contact.

“Is your obsession with Kyle sucking your dick over, _or_ —“

“Shut the fuck up, Stan!” Cartman glared. “I don’t have an obsession with _Kyle_ …and—“

“Okay, whatever, don’t care,” said Stan. “As long as everything is back to normal, I don’t care.”

Kenny narrowed his eyes at Cartman, noticing the weird energy between the him and Kyle.

“What do you want, _Kenny?!”_

_“Nothing, Jesus Christ!”_

Kyle rolled his eyes, focusing on the screen in front of the four of them and not Cartman. His cheeks were on fire and neither of them dared to make eye-contact for the rest of the night, but it seemed like Stan and Kenny didn’t take note of it.

Yup, things were finally getting back to normal.

 

* * *

  

He was out of breath, by the time Cartman made it to Kyle’s house. Not five hours had passed since they’d all left Stan’s house and he knew this was risky, but he couldn’t resist himself.

Kyle answered the urgent pounding against his front door.

 _“Cartman?”_ He was still in his day clothes, but about to head to bed. And god, Cartman’s heart throbbed seeing Kyle, watching his lips as he spoke his name, knowing just a day ago, they’d been touching his skin.

“ _Kyle_ …I…”

“It’s almost 11!” Kyle glared. “You’re gonna wake my fucking parents up!”

 _“Kyle…”_ said Cartman. “Last…night… _was_ …”

“ _Last night_ we ended a _bet_ ,” Kyle said, turning bright red. He looked aroundthe room in case his parents or Ike came back downstairs. “And we promised to keep that a secret.”

“Yeah, duh,” breathed Cartman. “I don’t…want people…knowing…I sucked a… _ginger’s_ dick.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “ _Goodnight_ , Cartman.”

Before Kyle could slam the door in his face, Cartman held it open.

“What are you _doing?!”_

“This is serious!” said Cartman. “It’s about last night.”

Kyle sighed. “Cartman, I swear to fucking _god_ , if you—“

“Kyle…” he said. “Let’s do it again.”

The other boy just blinked, closing the door behind him and stepping outside. _“What?!”_

“Let’s do…what we did _last night…again_.”

Kyle glared. “Are you _insane?_ Why would we do _that?!_ ”

“Why the _fuck_ do you think?!”

Kyle narrowed his eyes. “Cartman…”

“I know it sounds insane, Kyle, but—“

“It doesn’t just _sound_ insane, it _is_ insane!” hissed Kyle, into the cold.

“Kyle, I know we don’t always get along—“

“Now, _that’s_ a fucking understatement—“

“Listen!” said Cartman, turning red. “It doesn’t mean anything! It means nothing, okay, Kyle?! But last night was…one of the best times I’ve ever had… _so_ …”

Kyle glared. “Why do I feel like you’re full of _shit?_ ”

“I’m not!” Cartman fumed. “Goddammit Kyle, I’m not asking you to be my fucking… _boyfriend_ , I’m just saying, if we had something good going on, why not?” He felt his cheeks go slightly red on the word “boyfriend” and hoped that it was less obvious in the dark.

Kyle gave him a familiar, exhausted, expression. “So you’re saying…you actually _want_ …us to…um… _hook-up,_ again…just for _fun?_ ”

“Don’t act like you don’t want it _too_ , Kyle.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, turning on his heel to go back inside, but Cartman grabbed his hand. He spun back around on his heel, fuming. “Cartman, let’s just _forget_ about it! We never should have done that in the first place!”

“Stop denying it, Kyle!” he said, practically begging. “We _had_ something last night!”

“Why can’t you just hook-up with some girl?!”

“Because, I—I don’t know.” His cheeks felt hot again, as he watched Kyle’s eyes narrow. _God_ , that expression…”I don’t…”

“Cartman, what we did last night was a one time thing, to settle a bet, and that’s all it’ll ever be.” Kyle glared. Cartman’s hand was still locked around his and he intended to pull away, but didn’t. It was snowing softly and cold as ever, but his body felt warm and he _hated_ himself for that.

“Just _one_ more time, Kyle,” begged Cartman, eyes wide.

Kyle gave him that same, exhausted expression, with a sigh. _“_ Cartman, I _seriously_ fucking hate you.”

And then the familiar feeling of each other’s lips pressed against each other commenced, the two making-out, pressed-up against the front door of Kyle’s house. It was dark, late, risky and stupid, but the two of them both instinctually knew it in that moment: _this wasn’t going to be the last time._

And though neither would admit it, they were okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First Kyman fanfic I've ever posted...what can I say, I'm a damn sucker for foe-yay. Part II (if it goes as planned) will still have smut, but more #drama. Um. Hope y'all enjoyed. Thank-you for taking the time to read my gay-ass fanfiction.
> 
> ✿HMU✿  
> discord: lai#6163  
> peep my sp/kyman [tumblr](https://kylebiased.tumblr.com/) (also @kylebiased if the link doesn't work!)


	2. When We Kiss, There's Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to stay away from each other, Kyle and Cartman remain super-secret frenemies-with-benefits...but the pressure is on, as things progress and start heading into a direction neither could ever imagine. Kenny is onto them, Stan and Kyle can't get along, Cartman is head over heels, and Kyle is losing control of everything...including his own feelings.
> 
> Now, everyone is screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all, so writing this, I realized…it’s hella long lol. So there’s gonna be a part 3, too! I meant originally to finish the whole thing off in two parts, but obviously it ended-up being longer than anticipated… ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Hope you enjoy, and thanks for all the nice comments on chapter one! I smiled so hard my face hurt.
> 
> ✿HMU✿  
> discord: lai#6163  
> peep my sp/kyman [tumblr](https://kylebiased.tumblr.com/) (also @kylebiased if the link doesn't work!)

Cartman was officially _way_ into Kyle.

He knew it, because he had nothing to say during his monthly mandated therapy session. He had started going in middle school, as his doctor suggested to his mother, that he had some significant emotional problems. Clearly, although he was still a self-proclaimed asshole…it had worked. No big incidents had happened over the past few years, leading-up to the eleventh grade. Nothing but his usual bickering with Kyle and sometimes the others, but that was just Cartman.

Usually, at meetings, he would rant. Maybe it was about something stupid his mother had done. Maybe some lame assignment he didn’t want to work on. Sometimes Kyle was a topic, and over the years, even his therapist was starting to suspect his feelings for him were a little deeper than they seemed, surface-level. Occasionally, Cartman talked about about things from his childhood, that had actually left him emotionally scarred for years, that were heavily to _blame_ for those emotional issues.

But, that Sunday, after their second hook-up, he was on a cloud. Nothing to complain about. Not a negative thought in his mind. He felt clear.

And yup, he was _definitely_ way into Kyle.

After their discreet Saturday night sexcapade, he’d been hoping for more again, but Kyle hadn’t delivered. Of course, he hadn’t actually _asked_ him again yet…he didn’t want to seem desperate or, like, he was _actually_ into him, which he, of course, _was_ …but Kyle didn’t need to know that.

They were sitting in class, listening to Mr. Garrison, rambling on about _god-knows-what_. Kyle wondered how he’d even been allowed to return to education after his political failure, not that he was that shocked. The South Park school-board didn’t seem to have very high standards. He suddenly became all too aware of Cartman’s intense stare from his left.

The other boy was trying to be subtle, just sneaking a glance at him every minute or so, but it was irritating. Kyle still couldn’t believe they’d hooked-up…not just once, but _twice_. He could internally defend himself for the first time, since it was “on a bet”, but the _second_ time? That was _all them._ He sunk lower in his seat. Hook-up number-one had been sucking each other off…hook-up number-two had been that again, plus an overly-aggressive make-out session.

That was something Cartman _loved_ about sex with Kyle. He was so studious, serious, polite, at school. When the four of them hung-out, he was definitely more rowdy, but in _bed_ …it was like a battle for dominance and Kyle always won. Hate-fucking at its finest, though Cartman was starting to worry that the “hate” aspect might have started missing on his end.

 _“What?!”_ hissed Kyle. He could still feel Cartman’s eyes on him.

Cartman snapped back to reality. _“What?!”_

“You’re staring at me.”

“No, I’m not!”

“Just _stop_ it!”

“How can I _stop_ doing something I’m not doing, _Kyle?_ ” he taunted.

“Shut- _up_ , you guys.” Stan hissed.

Kyle glared at Cartman. “ _God_ , you’re so fucking annoying.”

Cartman turned red again. He _loved_ pissed-off Kyle.

“Stop staring at me, _fatass!_ ” Cartman chucked his eraser at Kyle, hitting him in the cheek. “ _GOD_ , how fucking _old_ are you?!”

 _“KYLE BROFLOVSKI!”_ shouted Mr. Garrison. “I am trying to teach a lesson, here!”

“It’s Cartman’s fault!”

“Oh brother, not _this_ again,” he said. “If you’re having _relationship_ troubles, keep it out of my classroom.” A few of their classmates snickered.

Cartman smirked to himself, _loving_ watching Kyle absolutely fume, but also secretly _loving_ that people thought Kyle as his boyfriend was _believable_. Once again, his fourth grade scheme to get Nichole and Token together, might have been a bit more about _Kyle_ , than just them…

“For the last time, me and Cartman are _not_ a gay couple!” Kyle raged.

“That’s enough! You and Eric can go see the principal, _right now!_ ”

Kyle grabbed his bag, stuffing his notebook inside, angrily, while Cartman resisted laughing, following him out the door.

Making their way to the office, Kyle’s fists were clenched at his sides. He refused to look at Cartman.

“Come on, babe,” said Cartman, grabbing at Kyle’s fist, snickering. “Let’s not fight like this.”

Kyle pulled his hand away. “What about this is so funny to you? You want every girl in school, thinking we’re _gay?_ ”

“So? Girls _love_ gay guys, that’s how Justin Bieber got so famous.”

“You’re a fucking moron, and now because of _you_ , we’re in trouble, _again_.”

Kyle’s frustration was such a huge turn-on for Cartman. He couldn’t help feeling aroused, just arguing with him in the empty hallways of their school. The way Kyle’s fists shook a little bit when he was _that_ mad…it drove him _insane_.

“You’re doing it again!” glared Kyle, turning bright red. “Stop _staring_ at me, and…”

“And what, _Kyle?_ ” smirked Cartman, biting his lip.

Kyle looked away, still blushing, hard. “Looking at me like… _that_.”

“Like _what_ , Kyle?”

“You know _exactly_ what the fuck you’re doing, Cartman, _stop it_.”

Cartman decided to just go for it. “What if instead of seeing the principal…you… _suck_ my _dick_.”

Kyle acted taken aback, looking both ways down the hallway. _“Keep your fucking voice down.”_

“Come on, Kyle, I know you _love_ taking dick.”

Kyle was still boiling with rage, so irritated he could feel _himself_ getting turned-on again. He hated it. “We’re _going_ to _see_ the _principal_.” He grabbed Cartman by the wrist, pulling him along.

Cartman resisted, glaring back at him. He wasn’t one to give-up _that_ easily, but they were at school and he doubted Kyle would be okay with doing anything X-Rated there. Still, he wouldn’t submit without getting the last word in. “Fine, Kyle. I’ll just tell the principal all about how you refuse to suck my dick, when she asks about our relationship problems.”

“You are _so_ fucking obnoxious, Cartman.”

“That’s not what you were saying about me Saturday night.”

Kyle grabbed Cartman by the jacket, bringing him in closer to face him. “We agreed, that’s fucking _private_.”

Cartman swallowed. He could feel his pants getting tighter. _“Oh yeah?”_

“Don’t fuck with me, fatass, or I swear to god, I’ll…”

“You’ll, _what?_ ”

And before they knew it, the two were locked in a stall in the boy’s bathroom, half arguing, half making-out. Kyle felt instantly guilty; he should have been in class, but he was slowly losing control of the situation with Cartman…especially now that the two of them had a better and more _satisfying_ outlet to turn to when they pissed each other off.

“Well?” breathed Cartman, between an angry kiss. “Are you…gonna… _suck_ my _dick_ , _Kyle?_ ”

“First off, that’s _your_ job,” said Kyle. He had Cartman, who was smirking and incredibly flushed, pushed-up against the side of their stall.

“ _Secondly_ , Kyle?” he teased.

“No way is that happening at school.” Kyle glared. “That’s _insane_.”

“We’re already _here!_ ”

“We are not… _hooking-up_ at school.” Kyle looked around the stall, as if someone could possibly be watching them somehow.

“Why not, Jew-boy?” asked Cartman, grabbing his cheek, then dragging his hand along Kyle’s jaw. “I should have known you’d pussy out.”

Kyle slapped his hand away. “Fuck off,” he said. “I don’t wanna get… _caught_.”

“No one’s even _here_ , Kyle.” Cartman whined, eying Kyle’s crotch.

“Someone could walk in at any moment and besides that, we should be in class.”

“If you’re too scared to have sex on your period, just say it, Kyle, Jesus _christ_.”

“For the thousandth fucking time, Cartman, I don’t _get_ a period!” Kyle hissed, letting go of his firm grip on the other boy’s chest. “God, what the hell am I even doing here? This is so fucked-up.”

“No, Kyle, wait!” Cartman chased after him. Kyle gave him a weird look. The desperation on his eyes seemed more needing than sexual. “Kyle, we have a good thing going on here.”

“How?!” exclaimed Kyle. “Don’t you get how fucked-up this is, Cartman? Is this how we settle arguments from now on?”

Cartman blinked. “Uh, duh.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, huffing and storming-out the door.

Cartman tried chasing after him, but the door was slammed in his face. “God, Kyle, what the fuck?!” He stumbled back into the wall, kicking himself. He wondered if Kyle had noticed the desperation in his voice earlier, hoping he didn’t.

He walked back to the mirror. His cheeks were rosy and he had a hickey on his neck that he’d be hiding from Saturday. Of course, part of him wanted to brag that he’d received that very hickey from none other than _Kyle Broflovski_ , but Kyle would seriously _kick his ass_. And rightfully so. He wondered if there was something wrong with him for feeling that strongly about Kyle. Maybe there was.

 

* * *

 

Kyle still couldn’t believe his own behaviour over the past few days.

He sat in his room, staring-up at the ceiling, or rather _glaring_ -up at the ceiling…he’d been more irritable than normal, as of lately. It was hard to decipher between whether it was just Cartman getting on his nerves as usual or sincere sexual attractive. The one good thing coming-out of the whole ordeal was that he had found a new way to control Cartman, who…sort of, unsurprisingly, seemed to be really, _really_ into him. _Sexually_ , that was, and not romantically. Cartman didn’t seem to be the romantic type, unless he had some sort of fucked-up agenda to go along with it. So there was _some_ benefit.

And of course, the actual sexual gratification wasn’t so bad either.

His phone rang. Kyle blinked back to reality and answered.

“Hey.” It was Stan. “Look, Wendy is asking again…do you want to take one of her friends to the dance or what?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Ugh! Why are you still obsessing over that, Stan?”

“I told you, _I don’t care_ , but we have to know since we’re renting a limo or something.”

“For a _Valentine’s Day_ Dance?” Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Dude, it’s not even on _Valentine’s Day_ , for one, it’s the Saturday after.”

“Yeah. I know. It’s retarded. But she’s my girlfriend, so…”

Kyle pondered the thought of bringing one of Wendy’s friends to the dance…Wendy still had the same best friends from elementary and middle school, so it would be someone he knew…which was kind of weird. “Uh…I dunno, dude.”

“Dude, Wendy is gonna be so _pissed_ at me, if you can’t make-up your mind already.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Stan, but I have a lot going on in my life right now, so the gay fucking school dance isn’t exactly on my mind.”

“What’s even the big deal?” He could tell Stan was getting really angry. “You either say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. You don’t even have to _like_ her. I just need to know if you want a date to the dance or not!”

“I’ve already said, I _don’t fucking know._ ” Kyle snapped.

Stan hung-up.

He should have just said ‘yes’. It wasn’t even that big of a deal if he had a date or not…something just stopped him. Still, he hated fighting with Stan and was angry at himself for being so resistant, for what seemed like literally no reason at all. He needed to blow-off some steam.

Kyle stormed downstairs.

“I’m taking your car.” He told his dad.

“Where? Why?”

“I’m, um…just going to Stan’s house.”

Getting into the car, Kyle jammed the key into the ignition. He hadn’t a clue where he was planning to actually drive and for a moment, he _did_ consider going to Stan’s…but making his way there, he changed his mind.

He drove to Cartman’s house. It was within walking distance, so there hadn’t even been a point in taking the car, but he arrived, parking his car, and slamming it shut.

And then he knocked on the front door. Three times. Kyle could hear Cartman yelling at his mother to answer the door and he rolled his eyes, waiting.

 _“What?!”_ yelled Cartman, first answering the door. His face changed when he saw Kyle. “Oh, uh…hi, Kyle.”

“For fuck’s sake, Cartman, you can’t even get off your fat ass and answer the door?”

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing right now?!”

“Is your mom home?”

“If my mom was home, I wouldn’t be answering the door, asshole!”

“So, no one’s home…it’s just you.”

“Yeah.” Cartman’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you wanna know, _Kyle?_ ”

Kyle rolled his eyes, stepping inside. “Why do you _think_ I’m asking?”

Cartman closed the door behind him, eyes widening, when Kyle was turned away from him. His eyes wandered over to Kyle’s back-side which was…not an unpleasant sight. The moment Kyle turned back around, he averted his vision from his body, making eye contact with the other boy. “ _Kyle, Kyle, Kyle_ …I should have known you’d be back for more.”

“Shut-up, fatass. I didn’t just come here to…” he glared, rolling his eyes. “ _You know_ …we need to talk.”

“Oh, no!” Cartman feigned surprise. “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant!”

Kyle punched him in the shoulder, eliciting a whine from the other boy.

“Dude, what the fuck?!”

“This isn’t funny!” Kyle fumed. “You and I, have a serious problem.”

“What’s the problem, Kyle?” glared Cartman. “So we hooked-up a few times. It felt good. We’ve got something good going on. Just admit it.”

“Well…that’s what I wanted to talk about,” said Kyle. “Since it seems like…we can’t find really…control ourselves…I think we should talk about boundaries.”

Cartman rolled his eyes. “Gay.”

Kyle punched him again.

“Dude, _weak!_ ”

“This isn’t funny!” Kyle exclaimed.

“Well, I don’t wanna be your fucking… _boyfriend_ , Kyle!”

 _“UGH!”_ Kyle glared. “Why would I ever, _voluntarily_ date you?”

 _“HEY!”_ Cartman hissed. “I’m a fucking catch!”

“No, you’re a fat asshole!”

“Oh yeah?! Well, you’re a—”

“See?” Kyle interrupted. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. We clearly can’t and never _will_ get along, so we need to end this right fucking now.” He made his way for the door.

Cartman’s face changed in the matter of a second. “No, no, wait Kyle, uh, let’s not overreact.”

Kyle turned around, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, and that’s another thing, why are you _so_ fucking eager to get your dick sucked by me? What’s _that_ all about?”

Cartman blinked, hiding his suddenly flushed cheeks with a glare. “I’m not!”

“Yes, you are,” said Kyle. “It’s been like seven years since our first ball-sucking bet and you’re still obsessed.”

“Fuck off, Jew-boy, stop acting like you didn’t wanna get your own dick sucked by me too.”

“I mean, I’d prefer it wasn’t from _you_.”

“So, what are you saying, Kyle?” fumed Cartman. “This is _over_?”

Kyle was enraged. “How many times, do I have to tell you and the rest of the class, _WE ARE NOT A GAY COUPLE!_ It’s not _“over”_ , because we never _were_ a thing!”

 _“I KNOW!”_ yelled Cartman.

“Great, then it’s been settled.” Kyle stormed off towards the door, for the third time now that day, but Cartman grabbed his wrist.

“You’re the one who came here, Kyle!” he said.

Kyle pulled away. “I know.”

“Why?”

Kyle kept a firm glare, maintaining steady eye contact with Cartman. “I came here to _say_ , that…if we _are_ going to keep…doing this…we need to set rules and _boundaries_. Which you said was _“gay”_. So now, I’m _leaving_.”

“No, Kyle, no!” insisted Cartman. “We can set rules.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Fine, but the minute you insult me or make some retarded joke—”

“That’s…” Cartman start, as Kyle’s face twisted, angrily, sensing some insult or snarky remark coming on. Cartman hated the idea of “conditions”, but a sexual relationship with Kyle was worth keeping his big fat mouth shut. “…fine with me, Kyle.”

“Great.” Kyle remained glaring. “Rule one, is obviously, we can’t tell anyone. Not a fucking soul.”

“Like I’d _wanna_ tell anyone.” Cartman lied, with a scoff.

“What was that?”

Cartman crossed his arms, staring down at the floor like a child. He had to avoid Kyle’s intense gaze, mostly because he was starting to feel aroused, but also because it was hard to take the whole thing too seriously. “Nothing…”

“Rule two, is that, once again, this is happening on _my_ terms. As in, if you try bossing me around, it’s not happening.”

“Fine.”

“Rule three, is that this is strictly _physical_ ,” said Kyle. “No “feelings” or attachments or anything. This isn’t like, a romantic thing.”

Cartman scoffed. “Well, no fucking kidding.” He was unsurprised by the terms, but couldn’t help but feel sort of…disheartened, for whatever reason.

Of course, he knew the reason, he’d just never admit it.

“Great. Glad we’re on the same page,” said Kyle. “Now, let’s go.”

 _“Kyle!”_ blushed Cartman, teasing him. “You’re such a dirty _girl_.”

Kyle grabbed his wrist, pulling him towards the staircase. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

* * *

 

And so, it continued just like that: arguing like usual in front of their friends and the others, but paying each other secret, late night visits where things got hot and heavy, big time. Sometimes it was unannounced, usually unplanned…Kyle kept a ladder outside his house, that Cartman would use to climb-up to his window. He swore, one of those days, he was gonna slip and break his whole body, but it would be _so_ worth it. Maybe Kyle would even feel _bad_ for him and give him extra special treatment.

That was something his soft-side really loved about Kyle. He was easily irritated, but such a kind-hearted and compassionate person…Cartman had trouble accepting his soft-side, the side of him that was 100% _in love_ with Kyle. It made him feel vulnerable and embarrassed, but it was okay to fantasize sometimes.

He bet Kyle would feel really bad if he got injured on that ladder. He’d probably run down to help him, voice strained with concern. _“Cartman? Cartman?”_

 _“CARTMAN!”_ The sound of Stan’s voice snapped him back into the real world.

“Huh, what?”

The four were seated at Sizzler, Cartman next to Kenny and across from Stan, as far from Kyle as possible. He knew Kyle had done that on purpose. He was giving him an odd look from the other side of the booth. Cartman wondered if he had been staring again.

“Did you bring money or what?” asked Stan.

“What?”

 _“Jesus christ,”_ muttered Kenny.

“We’re splitting the bill, did you bring change?” glared Stan.

“Yeah, hold on, _Jesus_.” He glared back, reaching into his coat pocket and throwing some change down onto the table.

“You still need like, three more dollars.”

“Well, _Stan_ , I don’t _have_ three more dollars.”

Stan grumbled. “That’s not fair, Cartman, you’re the one who’s eating the most anyways!”

“It’s okay, Stan, I’ve got it.” Kyle reached into his wallet, digging through his change. He locked eyes with Cartman. “You owe me.”

Cartman smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Ooh, _Kyle…_ ”

Kyle gave him a look: _Watch it._ Kenny snickered at the obvious flirting, whereas Stan just gave them a confused look.

“Okay, whatever, I’m gonna go pay,” said Stan. “Kyle, you can go start my car if you want.”

“Sure, Stan.” They’d been a little cold towards each other post-argument that Monday, but after letting a few days pass, the two were on good terms again. Stan hadn’t mentioned the dance at all.

Heading towards the doors of the restaurant, Kyle passed Stan’s keys to Kenny. “Kenny, go start the car. I have to, uh…use the bathroom.” He shifted his glance to the other boy. “So does _Cartman_.”

Cartman smirked suggestively at Kyle again, who then elbowed him in the ribs. He stepped back, letting-out a whine.

 _“Okay!”_ said Kenny, who had indefinitely, noticed something was going on between the two of them, but played it cool.

Kyle grabbed Cartman by the wrist, leading him to the back of the restaurant, near the restrooms.

“At Sizzler, with Stan and Kenny, waiting in the car?” asked Cartman, holding Kyle’s face in his hands. “Damn, Kyle, you really are _kinky_.”

“Fuck off!” Kyle swatted his hands away. “What you did back there, is exactly what I’m talking about. This is supposed to be a _secret_. How can it stay a _secret_ , if you’re staring at me like a piece of meat and then making stupid little comments like that, all lunch?”

Cartman turned a deep shade of red. “I wasn’t _staring_ at you!”

“You’re _always_ staring at me.” Kyle snapped. “What the fuck is that all about?”

The fiery expression in Kyle’s eyes, made Cartman weak in the knees. God, he was so into him, he had no idea how to control himself. He wanted to kiss Kyle and just _take_ him right fucking there.

 _“You’re doing it again!”_ Kyle said, turning dark red himself.

“I can’t help it, _okay?!_ ”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You’re…a ginger, and it’s distracting.” Cartman was being half-truthful. Kyle was definitely distracting, and it did partially contribute to his ginger-ness, but it was mostly because he found him _so hot_. Then again, Kyle being a ginger might have also contributed to that, as well.

Kyle rolled his eyes. “I’m wearing a _hat!_ ” He tugged down on it, harder, trying to hide his dark red hair. “You can barely see my—oh, never mind.”

“So…” started Cartman. “You said I owe you one…”

“Obviously, we’re not doing anything _here_ ,” Kyle retorted. “But…you know where my ladder is.”

Cartman stared greedily down at Kyle’s crotch. “Oh yes, I _do_.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “ _God_ , I hate you.”

 

* * *

 

That weekend, the boys went to Kyle’s to play video games, as usual. His mother was out running errands, so they could actually indulge in all the violent video games that Cartman and Kenny brought over.

“How’s that one girl you’re sleeping with?” Stan asked Kenny.

“Jen? _or Stacy?”_

“You’re sleeping with _two_ girls?!” Kyle asked, in disgust. Not over sex with _girls_ , but it just sounded like Kenny was asking for another STI.

_“Three, if Red texts me back.”_

“Oh, god!” gasped Kyle. “You’re gonna catch a disease!”

_“Too late.”_

“Aw, _Kenny!”_

“What’s up with Kyle?” asked Cartman, entering the room with snacks. “Still on his period?”

“Goddammit, Cartman, I’m _not on my period!_ ”

He took a seat next to Kenny on the floor. “So, you’re saying you _do_ get a period, just not right now.”

“If you knew anything about female anatomy, you’d know I can’t get a period for obvious reasons. Not that you’ve ever _seen_ a girl _naked_ before.”

Kenny burst into laughter. Cartman fumed at the comment, wondering if that counted as a strike against Kyle, for hinting to the others, that the two had _gay_ sex on the regular. But he knew Kyle would _never_ publicly be with him, let alone mention they were frenemies-with-benefits.

“I’ve seen like, a thousand vaginas.”

_“Does that include Kyle’s?”_

_“I DON’T HAVE A VAGINA!”_

“Believe me, _I know._ ” Cartman smirked.

 _“What’s_ that _supposed to mean?”_ asked Kenny.

“Yeah…” said Kyle, through clenched teeth. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean, _Cartman?_ ”

“Uh…Kyle’s too… _ugly,_ to be a girl… _duh_.” Cartman hoped that had covered his ass.

“You’re almost too fat to even constitute for an actual _person_.”

Kenny almost fell over from laughing too hard.

 _“HEY!”_ Cartman yelled. Suddenly, Kyle’s insults felt 10x more personal, but to be fair, he 100% deserved it.

“Kyle, can we order a pizza or something?” asked Stan.

“Yeah, sure dude, there are takeout menus in the kitchen.”

“Cool, thanks.”

Heading into the kitchen, Stan walked over to the phone, looking for a menu. Kenny entered in after him to get a drink, as Stan started dialling the landline. He turned around, noticing Kenny.

“Hey, do you think there’s like, anything weird, going on between Kyle and Cartman?”

 _“Dude, there’s_ always _something fucking weird going on between Kyle and Cartman.”_

“Yeah, but like…do you think...that maybe, something _really weird_ is going on between them? Like...something else, besides... _bickering_.”

The two spied on the others from the kitchen. Cartman had taken Stan’s spot on the couch, next to Kyle. It just looked like they were bickering like usual, although Cartman’s glances at Kyle tended to…linger.

_“I dunno, they seem the fucking same to me.”_

“Weird.”

 

* * *

 

He was dreaming. Dreaming about _Kyle_ , that was…It was a fairly common dream he had about him; that same one where he they were in a field, with the sun setting over the horizon, and Kyle standing in the distance. Usually this dream built-up to some form of sexual pleasure, but this time it was different.

It started off normally…he ran to Kyle, calling-out his name.

_“Kyle! Kyle!”_

The other boy turned around, still dressed-up in his favourite orange jacket and that stupid, green ushanka. He smiled. _“Cartman.”_

 _“Oh, Kyle,”_ said Dream-Cartman. _“I was wrong, all those years I made fun of you for being a ginger, Jersey, Jew-boy. I was just in denial…of my_ looooove _.”_

 _“And I, too, was wrong, Cartman.” Smiled Dream-Kyle. “You are not fat at all and you are totally_ cool _.”_

 _“Kyle…I_ still _love you, babe.”_

_“Finally, we can be together.”_

_“Oh, Kyle…”_

_“Cartman…”_

_“Kyle…”_

“CARTMAN!”

He woke-up in a cold sweat, tangled-up in blankets. Kyle stood above his bed, the window behind him, cracked-open.

His heart swelled at the sight of him, still half-asleep. “Oh, Kyle! _Finally!_ ” He reached for the other boys hands, pulling him on top of him, over the bed.

“Dude, what the fuck are you _doing?!_ ” asked Kyle.

“What? I’m just—“ Even in the dark, he could read Kyle’s expression loud and clear: _WTF?_

 _“Cartman?”_ He blinked, with a concerned frown.

Cartman’s cheeks turned red. It was the way Kyle said his name, full of concern and hesitation. He wondered if that really meant anything. “Uh…never mind…” He was fully awake by then, and not still in romantic-dream-mode. “How’d you get in here?!”

“Uh, ladder,” he said, brushing it off. “Um… _so_.”

“Kyle, uh…” Cartman cleared his throat, turning on his table-side lamp. “So, you’re back for more?”

Kyle glared. “ _You’re_ usually the one banging at my window at 1 AM, let’s make that very clear.”

“You know, Kyle, I was thinking…we’ve never done it… _up the ass._ ”

Kyle’s face twisted with shock. “Oh, no. No _way_. I am _not_ taking your dick up my ass, that is fucked-up.”

“Well, I’m not taking your dick up _my_ ass!”

“Why would _I_ , be the one taking a dick up my ass?” Kyle scoffed. “I’m clearly the one in control, here.”

_“Oh, yeah?!”_

“Yeah, _fatass!_ ”

Cartman pulled Kyle up onto his body, the two locking lips and kissing over-aggressively. Just as it was with their “friendship”, it was a battle for control with sex. Kyle kicked the covers off, remaining on top of Cartman, still with his coat and hat on. He pushed himself off of the other boy.

“ _Hey_ , what the fuck?!”

“Kinda hard to do this with my fucking _coat_ on,” said Kyle, tearing it off and tossing it onto the floor. He went right back in, overpowering Cartman, as they rolled around in the sheets, fighting for dominance. Cartman latched onto Kyle’s neck, sucking his tender skin and praying he left behind a huge hickey: physical proof that he had been all over his body.

 _“Jesus christ!”_ exclaimed Kyle, smacking Cartman away and feeling at his neck. “What the fuck is my _mom_ gonna say when she sees a giant fucking hickey on my neck?!”

“I dunno, “Congrats on finally get laid”?”

Kyle grabbed Cartman’s pyjama top, bunching it up in his fist. “ _God_ , you’re obnoxious.”

Cartman’s face was bright red. “Oh, _yeah?_ ”

 _“Yeah…”_ Kyle blushed. Cartman stared back at him, looking completely spaced-out and flushed. It was another one of those moments, where he got the distinct impression that Cartman saw him as _more_ than a fuck-buddy. He shook off the feeling, positioning himself over Cartman’s body.

“Why, Kyle, you’re _hard!_ ” he teased.

“Yeah,” said Kyle, unzipping his pants, and pulling them downwards. “So, do something about it, fat-boy.”

“Damn Kyle, you’re such a little _bad_ boy.”

“You still owe me, _remember?_ ”

Cartman pulled Kyle’s boxers down, revealing his hardened dick. His mouth watered at the sight, and he reached upwards, pulling Kyle closer, so he could put it in his mouth. Kyle positioned his hands on Cartman’s headboard, grateful for the dominance he had over the other boy. If he’d known all he had to do to shut Cartman up, was flirt or fuck, he might have done it a long time ago.

Cartman slide the dick up and down, adding pressure with his tongue, and teasing the tip when he moved back downwards. That was the easiest way to get Kyle to come; the tip was so sensitive. He pulled out, then teasing the tip again, repeatedly, driving the other boy crazy.

“Cartman…just…fucking _do_ it, stop…doing _that_.”

“Oh, yeah? Does it piss- _off_ Princess Kyle, when I don’t blow him _just_ right?”

Kyle grabbed hold of his hair, pushing the other boy further down onto the pillows. “If you ever wanna do this again, you’ll fucking do it _right_.”

He wrapped his mouth around Kyle’s dick again, letting it slip up and back down again in his mouth, pressing with his tongue and working him up to a climax. Kyle bit his lip, trying to keep a steady breath, which was _hard_ , because whether he wanted to admit it or not, Cartman was doing a _really_ good job. It took a few more minutes, but he had finally built him right up to a climax. Kyle vowed to keep quiet.

“Oh, god…” Kyle finally came, right into Cartman’s mouth. He pulled his dick away, laying back down on the bed. It felt so wrong, but _so damn good_. Cartman swallowed, then leaning back against his headboard to breathe again.

“So…how was it… _Jew-boy_ …?”

“Really, _fucking_ , good.” Kyle sighed. “I still hate you, though.”

“Yeah, Kyle…I hate you, too.” Cartman panted. “Okay, now get to work.”

 _“HA!”_ Kyle sneered, putting his dick back into his boxers, then pants. “You owed me, _remember?_ ”

 _“WHAT?!”_ gasped Cartman. “But, Kyle, I paid you back! I thought you were gonna suck my dick!”

“Not payback for that, _moron_ , you’re not a prostitute,” said Kyle, slipping into his coat. “You _owed_ me for almost blowing our cover at Sizzler.”

“But, Kyle, I’m _hard!_ ” he groaned.

Kyle rolled his eyes. He was still such a whiner-baby. “Goodnight, Cartman.” He made his way out through the other boy’s bedroom door. It was easier getting out of his house, than back in.

Cartman wanted to chase Kyle down and demand at _least_ a hand-job, but there was no point. He was so hard, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to run after him. Oh well. He had his own two hands, lotion, tissues and Kyle’s yearbook photo.

Oddly enough though, he couldn’t bring himself to go back in and finish what Kyle had started. It felt _wrong_ touching himself to it. And once he’d be touched by the _real_ Kyle, nothing compared.

 

* * *

 

_“Dude, did you see Bebe’s Instagram?”_

“No,” said Stan. He was picking at his food during lunch that Monday. “Why?”

 _“She was practically fucking_ naked _in her last post!”_

“Wendy would kill me if she caught me looking at that.”

“Wendy would kill you if _what?_ ” Kyle took a seat. The three boys were in the cafeteria. A day later and Kyle was still feeling really… _weird_ , about the previous night. He wasn’t usually the one seeking-out sexual favours from Cartman, but he couldn’t deny he liked the feeling.

“Looking at Bebe’s nudes.”

 _“She wasn’t_ naked _.”_ Kenny rolled his eyes. _“I_ wish _.”_

“Aren’t you into Red or whatever?”

 _“Yeah, but have you_ seen _Bebe’s fucking_ tits?! _”_

“Dude, _what are you talking about?_ ” asked Kyle, pulling out his lunch.

Stan sighed. “He’s obsessed with Bebe’s Instagram.”

“Oh.”

“You _know_ ,” started Stan. “Bebe is single. If you asked her—”

Kyle glared. “Stan, you know I’m not interested in Bebe.”

 _“So?_ ” asked Stan. “She’s still one of Wendy’s best friends, dude, I’m just saying it might—”

“I don’t wanna talk about the dance.”

Cartman slammed his lunch down next to Kyle, who moved over to offer him more room. “Oh, is Stan still obsessing over his gay little prom date?”

“It’s not prom.” Stan glared. “Kyle, I don’t know what the big deal is, we’ve known Bebe forever.”

Cartman’s ears perked-up. He knew Bebe had a small crush on Kyle back in the third grade, but…

“Yeah, exactly, dude,” said Kyle. “It’s _weird_.”

“What’s weird?” asked Cartman.

Kyle gave him the side-eye, then focusing back on his food. Sometimes it was weird in itself, to try acting normal around Cartman. “Stan thinks I’m lonely and wants to set me up with Bebe.”

“Dude, I don’t know why you’re being such a _dick_.” Stan glared. “I’m just saying, you haven’t dated anyone in a _really_ long time and I know you’re not getting… _uh_ …”

“Getting _what?_ ” Kyle’s eyes narrowed. “What are you _saying_ , Stan?”

“Nothing.”

“No, Stan, just say it, since apparently, it’s _so_ —”

 _“Laid!”_ exclaimed Stan. “You’re so angry all the time and honestly, it just kinda seems like…you need to get laid.”

Cartman nearly choked.

“Wow, Stan.” Kyle fumed. “So, because I don’t have a girlfriend, it automatically means I’m a _virgin loser_ , with no life, and pent-up, _sexual_ frustration, that’s making me an asshole. Like you’re even around enough to know what I’m doing in _my_ spare time.”

Cartman nearly choked on his food, _again_. They were making it so hard not to _lose his mind_ , and blow their cover.

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Stan glared. “Kyle, I already _know_ what you’re doing in your spare time, you’re making retarded _bets_ with Cartman, and expecting _our_ sympathy when you lose.”

Kyle scoffed, picking-up his lunch and shoving it into his bag. “Sorry, Stan, I have to go be a jealous loser virgin somewhere else.”

Cartman stayed beet-red, snickering a bit. _Wow_.

“Kyle, I’m sorry, okay? That’s _not_ what I’m trying to say.”

“You know what, Stan?” Kyle glared. “You think that just because you have a serious girlfriend, you’re _so_ much better than the rest of us, but you’re not.”

“What the _fuck?!_ ” Stan fumed. “What’s your fucking _problem?_ ”

“I don’t _have_ a fucking problem.”

“See? I was _right_ ,” said Stan. “You _are_ _jealous_ , because you don’t have a girlfriend and it’s making you into a fucking asshole.”

Kyle turned bright red. He wanted to lunge across the table at him, but resisted, instead grabbing his bag and storming towards the exit of the cafeteria. Cartman watched him leave, feeling anxiety build-up inside his chest. Half of that feeling could be attributed to his sexual attraction to _angry-Kyle_ , the other half…was worried that maybe Stan was _right_.

Maybe Kyle was so easily irritable, because he was alone. He _needed_ someone…nearly in the way that Cartman needed Kyle, but he knew Kyle wanted a girlfriend and not him and on the off-chance that Kyle would ever _love him back_ , he was scared to make his feelings so public.

Kyle felt Cartman’s eyes on him and he turned back and looked for a brief moment.

Those romantic feelings for Kyle…he was desperate to repress them, anyway. Being sexually attracted to Kyle was one thing, romantic attraction was something scary.

Cartman looked away.

 _“Damn,”_ said Kenny.

“Well?” glared Stan. “Am I _wrong?_ ”

_“He said he’s getting laid.”_

“By _who?_ ” asked Stan. “I’d know if it was one of Wendy’s friends, and I’ve never seen Kyle out with anyone else.”

 _“I dunno,”_ said Kenny. _“It could be…_ someone else. _”_ He eyed Cartman carefully. Cartman narrowed his eyes, averting the other boy’s suspicious look.

 _“Ha!”_ Carman joked, attempting to hide his trail. “Kyle’s not getting _laid_ , who the fuck would be into _Kyle?_ ”

_“I know a person.”_

“Whatever, dude.” Stan shook his head. “He’s just been so weird lately.”

 

* * *

 

Kyle slammed his textbooks into his locker. It was the end of the day and he was still kicking himself for getting into such a ridiculous argument with Stan, and over what? A date to the _dance?_ All he had to do, was say _“yeah, sure”_ and take one of Wendy’s friends. He hated himself for being so resistant and he also hated that Stan was maybe right.

Maybe he _did_ want to find some kind of love in his life, but then again, he was 16 going on 17. There was time. And he was already preoccupied by his own unique situation at the moment…

Not that his current situation was _romantic_.

_“Kyle, Kyle, Kyle…”_

“Not in the mood, Cartman.” Kyle slammed his locker shut, instantly recognizing Cartman’s voice and avoiding his smirk. “ _Not_ in the mood.”

“Why the long face?” he raised an eyebrow, leaning-up against Kyle’s locker.

“I just said, _I’m not in the mood_.” Kyle snapped, slinging his bag over his shoulder and turning to leave.

“No, wait, _Kyle!_ ” exclaimed Cartman. He could tell Kyle was sincerely upset, but had no idea how to approach him without making a snide comment or joke…and he actually _did_ care and _did_ want to help, but of course, he had no idea _how_. He peered around the hallways, making sure there weren’t too many people around to listen in on their conversation. “Uh, how are you feeling… _buddy?_ ”

Kyle turned around, giving him a weird look. _“”Buddy”?”_

Cartman sputtered. “Uh, yeah, um, I’m just trying to be supportive and check-up on you.”

Kyle narrowed his eyes. _“No.”_

Cartman glared. “What, _Kyle_ , I can’t just try to do something _nice_ for you?”

“You just wanna hook-up with me, fatass.” Kyle hissed.

“And you _don’t?_ ”

“I have _actual problems_ going on in my life right now!” Kyle exclaimed.

Cartman rolled his eyes. “Like _what?_ Your _gay_ little fight with Stan?”

“I don’t know why he’s so fucking obsessed with this dance.” Kyle started storming-off, ranting, as Cartman stayed in tow. “I’ve already said I don’t need a date. I’m not even _going_.”

Once again, Cartman was lost for words. It wasn’t often that Kyle ranted to him and it was even less often that he was ranting about _Stan_. “Uhhh…yeah, that sucks.”

“He thinks that just because he’s been dating Wendy for like, 8 years, he’s the relationship expert and that everyone else is just lonely and jealous.” Kyle scoffed.

“Yeah, Stan sucks.” They made their way to the bus-stop.

“God, he’s making me so _angry_ ,” Kyle fumed. “And now, I have to take the _bus_ home, because Stan drove me to school, and him and Kenny are taking-out Wendy and one of Kenny’s girlfriends.” He kicked at the ground, angrily.

“You’ve been…pretty angry lately…haven’t you, _Kyle?_ ” Cartman asked, cautiously. He had noticed a mood change in him lately…not one that he disliked, because angry-Kyle was the hottest _version_ of Kyle, but he didn’t really like seeing him in a distressed state. Especially not when it seemed like Kyle was about to open up to him.

Kyle locked eyes with Cartman. They stood together at the bus-stop. “Why are you taking the bus? Don’t you have your mom’s SUV?”

“I was just following you!” he glared.

_“Why?!”_

“I dunno!” said Cartman. “You were ranting!”

“ _God_ , you’re _stupid!_ ” Kyle yelled, grabbing his wrist and heading back for the parking-lot. _“Let’s go!”_

“Kyle, what are you _doing?_ ”

“Open the car.”

“Jesus christ, chill-out!” Cartman clicked the doors open, letting both of them into the SUV. “You’re not the fucking _boss_ of me, Kyle, I’m—”

The instant the doors were locked, Kyle reached across the front seat, cupping his hands around Cartman’s face and pressing his lips up against his. Cartman was taken aback, but obviously not unhappy, as he instantly reciprocated, kissing him back. It was totally unexpected for Kyle to be the one, 100% initiating it and in a public place too, but Cartman was into it. He held onto him, as Kyle nearly climbed over the clutch, kissing him more aggressively, until both were out of breath.

Kyle pulled away, sitting back down and letting-out a loud sigh. His face was flushed, as he leaned back into the passenger seat.

Cartman wiped his forehead off, cheeks equally red. _“Holy shit.”_ As hot as he already deemed Kyle, there was something 10x hotter about Kyle so rudely and _aggressively_ kissing him, in the middle of the school parking lot, after class.

 _“Sorry.”_ Kyle mumbled.

 _“Ky-le!”_ Cartman exclaimed, face still bright red. “At _school!_ You really _are_ a dirty little girl.”

 _“Shut the fuck up,”_ said Kyle. “There’s no one even here.”

“You know, _Kyle_ , I bet we have more sex than Stan and Wendy do.” Cartman singsonged.

Kyle turned red all over again. “It’s not like _that_.”

 _It could be_ , Cartman thought to himself. Once again, he was embarrassed and felt so weird about his feelings for Kyle finally emerging, but he just couldn’t help occasionally fantasizing about the idea of being in an actual _relationship_ , with him. In fact, when he’d lied and told everyone that he and Kyle were dating, back in the fourth grade, as a means of getting Token and Nichole together…the girls in their class and even a lot of their close friends had had _zero trouble believing it._ And Cartman even took _pleasure_ in the fact. Maybe he really _did_ wish it could be like that.

_“Cartman?”_

He looked back over. Kyle was giving him another strange look, maybe even a look of concern…Cartman hid, turning away towards the window, faking a cough. “Yeah, um, what is it, Kyle?”

“Uh…nothing.”

“So, um, anyways, I should, um, go home, now.”

“Okay, dude,” said Kyle, placing a hand over his shoulder. “What’s going on? You’re acting… _weirder_ than _normal_.”

“Nothing, Kyle, it’s _nothing_.”

“ _Really?_ Because it’s not like you to not make some kind of snide comment or—”

“Really, Kyle, it’s _nothing_.” He glared, feeling his heart beat faster with Kyle’s hand on his shoulder. It was amazing how many times they had hooked-up, yet this felt so much more intimate.

“Don’t get mad at _me_ , I’m just asking why you’re suddenly being so weird!” Kyle snapped.

“Well, you pull me into my own car and basically _attack_ me with your lips, Kyle, I don’t know what to say!”

Kyle scoffed. “Why are we even doing this, if not to blow-off steam?”

“I dunno.”

“Then stop acting so _weird_ about it!” Kyle exclaimed. “I wasn’t doing it, to like…be roman—”

_“I know.”_

“Okay, then why are you acting so fucking _weird?_ ”

It was the perfect opportunity to come clean and be 100% honest with him. But Cartman just wasn’t there yet. “Look, Kyle, are we taking this back to your place or not?”

“Of course we are!”

“Then, let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

And it was on again, just the way it had been for those last few weeks. They drove to Kyle’s house in a flushed hurry, barely able to contain themselves and all the sexual tension between them.

Throwing the SUV into park, Cartman and Kyle made their way up to the front door.

God, did Cartman ever _want_ him. Kyle was angry, more pissed-off than usual and for once, _it wasn’t because of him_. He watched as he fumbled with the lock.

“Hurry-up, _Kyle_.” Cartman hissed.

“Shut-up, _fatass_ , I’m working on it.” The door finally burst open, and before Cartman could even reach for Kyle’s waist, to hoist him up and carry him upstairs (i.e., the one dominating thing Kyle let him do, before absolutely _owning_ him in bed), they were greeted by Kyle’s _mother_.

“Oh, Eric!” she said. “I didn’t realize Kyle was having you over.”

The two instantly put more distance between each other.

“Oh, yeah,” said Kyle. “Um, we have a project to work on.”

Cartman admired his ability to lie on the spot.

“Okay, boys,” said Sheila. “Just let me know if you need anything, bubalah.”

When she was out of earshot, Cartman elbowed Kyle, snickering. _“”Bubalah”?”_

 _“Fuck off,”_ said Kyle, but he grabbed Cartman’s hand and lead him up to the bedroom.

Kyle locked the door, and the two instantly met in each other’s arms, falling onto the bed, him on top as usual. It was a mixture of some kind of euphoric teenage fantasy and excessively hot, messy, dirty sex-dream, the way the two were too caught-up to even bother removing their coats and hats immediately. Not being able to even resist himself, Cartman reached-up for Kyle’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. Kyle greatly reciprocated, wrapping his arms all the way back around his neck.

It was overly passionate and borderline romantic. And it wasn’t just felt on Cartman’s end this time, Kyle could feel his own heartbeat fasten uncontrollably and he wondered if the other boy felt that way too, but he was _scared_ to feel that way…especially, so _suddenly_. He wondered if he was somehow getting too caught-up in things. It was scary. He pulled away.

Cartman was dumbfounded, Kyle’s arms still around his neck. _When we kiss, there’s magic._ The very same line he’d used to faux-profess his love for Kyle back in the fourth grade, kept running through his head. It was like foreshadowing. _“There_ is _magic…”_ he murmured.

 _“What?”_ whispered Kyle.

“Um… _nothing_.”

Kyle sat up, starting to remove his coat, then shirt, socks and pants, while Cartman did the same, tossing his hat to the side as well. At last, Kyle crawled over Cartman’s body, getting into their first position, which usually consisted of a heavy make-out session, leading into either blowjobs or, newly, handjobs.

But Kyle stopped. His windows were closed, letting only a few beams of light slip through the cracks and the lamp on his bedside table shone a warm light over Cartman’s face and body. Before leaning in to kiss him, he studied his image. Cartman was far from perfect. He was still chubby, but not fat, and good-looking nonetheless, with large chestnut eyes, a round-face and soft brown hair, that had darkened a bit over the years. He was still a smug asshole, he still pushed his buttons consistently, but he was _not_ the same person they were as kids. True, he still possessed a cocky, obnoxious demeanour…but he was no longer raising hell on a daily basis like he had as a kid. Now it was just meaningless, stupid shit.

Like cock-sucking bets and petty arguments with Kyle, for one.

But maybe, it was all the other changes in Cartman that prompted this from Kyle. Maybe it was the fact that Cartman let him take charge and didn’t manipulate him into letting him top. Maybe it was the caring glimpse of him that he had _yearned_ to see since childhood, that he had been exposed to earlier that day. But Kyle was beginning to see him in, perhaps, another light.

Cartman frowned, nervously. He was scared that Kyle was about to change his mind. He was scared that Kyle would change his mind, _every time_ they hooked-up. _“…Kyle?”_

Kyle swallowed. “Yeah?”

_“What are you doing?”_

Kyle glared, moving downwards to suck on Cartman’s neck. “Nothing.”

Cartman blushed, squirming around nervously in response to Kyle’s lips against his skin. “I _love_ the way you do that, Kyle…you’re so _dirty_.”

“I _know_ you do, fat-boy” Kyle said with a smirk, averting his mind from the internal crisis he was suddenly facing. “Your turn.”

 

* * *

 

_“Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman!”_

The pair was walking alongside Stan (who Kyle still wasn’t talking to…and vice-versa) and Kenny, when Garrison’s voice prompted them to all come to a halt and turn around.

“Oh,” said Kyle. “Yes, Mr. Garrison?”

“Last week, I asked you two to go see the principal and I just heard back from her, that the two of you were never there.”

Cartman recollected. “Oh, _right_ …that was the day we—”

Kyle elbowed him. Stan was too busy not-giving-a-shit about Kyle to notice, but Kenny picked-up on their weirdness, as usual. “Mr. Garrison, the _reason_ we didn’t—”

“No, Kyle, I don’t wanna hear about your gay little relationship troubles again.” Cartman instantly blushed, covering it up with a loud snicker, while Kyle looked away, clearly irate. “Forget the principal, this is for Mr. Mackey to deal with. Go see him, _right now_ , or you can both expect detention.”

_“Oooooooooh.”_

“Shut-up, _Kenny_.” Glared Kyle.

_“NOW!”_

Kyle grumbled, but with Cartman in tow, they made their way to Mr. Mackey’s office.

He looked-up from a stack of papers on his desktop, as they arrived. “Oh, hi, boys.”

“Mr. Garrison wants us to see you.”

“More relationship troubles? Have a seat boys, m’kay.”

Kyle turned bright red again. The concept of him and Cartman being “boyfriends”, along with the weird feelings he’d experienced the night before, was putting him on edge…more so than usual. “For the last time, me and Cartman are _not_ in a relationship!”

“You broke- _up?_ ”

 _“NO!”_ shouted Kyle. “Because, we—” He looked over at Cartman, who quickly averted his eyes. He continued with an exhausted sigh. _“…never mind.”_

“So, boys,” started Mr. Mackey. “What kind of problems do you two seem to, um, you know, have with each other? Nothing, you know, sexual, I hope because, m’kay, I’m not really allowed to discuss that with you.”

Kyle humphed, crossing his arms in his seat, while Cartman felt his palms getting sweaty.

“Well? Boys?”

“Well,” Cartman said, with a slight giggle, attempting to play things off as a joke. “Kyle won’t publicly admit we’re together, and it really hurts my feelings,”

Kyle glared in his direction. “What the fuck are you on about _now?_ ”

“I just wanna love you, Kyle. Why won’t you _let_ me?” He was kidding around, loving the angry expression plastered across Kyle’s face, but as they locked eyes, something changed. Cartman often feared Kyle could see right through him.

“You wanna know what my _“problem”_ , with _Cartman_ , is?” hissed Kyle. “Where do I even _start?_ He’s _loud, obnoxious, rude, inconsiderate, manipulative, lazy, immoral_ —”

 _“HEY!”_ shouted Cartman. “That’s not _fair!_ ”

“How is that anything, _but_ fair?!”

“I’m not that bad!”

“Yes, you _are!_ ”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Kyle!”

And that was true. Cartman was still Cartman, but he definitely wasn’t the racist, vindictive, verging on _evil_ , person he was as a child.

“I don’t see that much of an improvement.”

“I’ve gotten better.”

“How?”

“I dunno… _therapy_.”

“That’s not what I meant,” said Kyle, soon changing his tone. “But, um…I didn’t know you were in therapy.”

“Not anymore.” Cartman rolled his eyes. It was a defence mechanism for when things started to get too real. “I mean, not that often.”

“You never told me,” said Kyle.

“Why would I tell _you?_ ”

“I dunno.” Kyle glared. “I just…didn’t know.”

“It’s not like I wanna get all gay and talk about it.” Cartman looked away.

“Um…what do you do, exactly, in therapy?”

“I only go like, once a month.” Cartman shuffled in his seat. “We just talk about ways to control my feelings. And stuff.”

 _“Oh,”_ said Kyle, softening-up. “You know, I haven’t said it before, Cartman, but, um…I guess, you have become a more tolerable person since elementary school. I mean, you still do a few little things that I question, and love to argue, but…besides that.”

“Thanks, Kyle.” Cartman looked down, fiddling with his fingers. “Um, I guess…I owe you an apology. For um…all the stuff I said and did when we were kids. And recently, too.”

“No, Cartman, it’s okay,” said Kyle. “I did some awful things to you too, and—”

“No, Kyle, the things I said and did to you, were…seriously fucked-up. I was going through a lot of shit, but, uh…I still shouldn’t have been such an evil, obnoxious, asshole.”

“It’s alright,” said Kyle. “We…we were just kids. But, thank-you for apologizing, it…does mean a lot to me.”

“But still, Kyle. I’m sorry.”

Kyle nodded. “It’s okay, Cartman. We’re cool.”

The two smiled at each other knowingly.

“M’kay then, uh, is there anything else you boys want to talk about?”

They’d nearly forgotten where they were. Kyle turned his head in surprise. “Oh, right…um, no I…I think we’re fine, Mr. Mackey.”

“Great, m’kay…I’m glad you boys have been able to put aside your differences and formed a, you know, romantic relationship.”

“We’re not— ahh, whatever,” said Kyle, rolling his eyes. “Can we _go?_ ”

“If you feel like you’re problems have been solved, you are free to go, m’kay.”

The two left the office, exiting into the hallways together. Something about the mood had completely shifted.

 _“So…”_ said Cartman, nervously. “Uh…thanks, Kyle.”

“Yeah, dude…” He shrugged. “We’re cool…”

“I still hate you, though.”

“Yeah, I hate you too.”

The two grinned and laughed at each other, an easiness forming between them.

“Um… _Kyle_ , so…are you—”

“Oh, wait—“ Kyle interrupted, spotting Kenny by his locker. “There’s Kenny. I have to go ask him something.”

“Oh, okay.” Cartman sighed, feeling weirdly anxious. When things were good between him and Kyle, it rarely lasted long.

Kyle approached Kenny, who was getting something out of his locker. “Hey, dude, um…have you seen Stan?”

_“Why?”_

“Well…” said Kyle, scratching the back of his neck. Cartman’s apology had encouraged him to patch things up with Stan. “I feel really bad about our fight. I know he was just trying to help me, and…well, I have to study for a test tonight, but I was wondering if you guys wanna come over tomorrow, and we can play video games and have a few beers and just hang-out. You, me, Stan and Cartman. Just like back in the old days.”

 _“Dude, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day,”_ said Kenny. _“Me and Stan have dates. I’m finally gonna_ fuck _Red! She’s been putting it off for like, two months!”_

Valentine’s Day… _right_ …Kyle hadn’t even remembered that Valentine’s Day was that Wednesday. Of course Stan and Kenny had _dates_. “Oh… _right_.”

 _“But, you can still do something with_ Cartman _.”_ Kenny snickered.

Kyle glared, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as he felt they were. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

 _“I dunno.”_ Kenny shrugged. _“I was just kidding.”_

“Oh.”

 _“See you around, Kyle.”_ Kenny giggled to himself, closing his locker and making his way down the hallway.

Kyle blinked. Did Kenny know there was something going on between him and Cartman? Not that there was _something_ going on between them in that sense…no matter what kind of weird feelings Kyle had felt the night before, and a little bit now too, now that Cartman had _finally_ acknowledged their childhood issues and apologized…

 _Nah_ , he constituted those as flukes.

“Um, _Kyle?_ ”

Cartman had approached him.

“Oh…hey, dude.” Kyle looked away. “What’s up?”

“Can I, uh…come over, later?”

Kyle wasn’t sure what to say. He was starting to feel a very weird vibe between the two of them, and the feeling scared him a little. But what better way to shake off that feeling, than meaningless, argumentative, sex?

 _“Maybe.”_ Kyle smirked. “I dunno if you can take it, fat-boy.”

Cartman’s expression turned from shocked, to a seductive grin. “I’m not _fat_ , Kyle…I’m big-boned.”

“I guess…” Kyle teased. “I mean, it’s not _that_ big.”

_“HEY!”_

 

* * *

 

Usually, having sex with someone the night before Valentine’s Day, meant you were obligated to be their Valentine. Luckily, Kyle and Cartman’s sexual relationship was unique, and required zero romantic obligation.

Though, Cartman definitely, kind of, wished it _did_.

The next day, he watched from down the hallway, as Kyle wistfully dug through his locker, peering at couples exchanging gifts and cozying-up at school. Stan and Wendy walked-up to Cartman.

“Dude, what are you _doing?_ ” asked Stan. He’d must have caught his wandering eyes.

Wendy was holding a single red rose, with a note attached. South Park High let students send their friends, crushes and dates send each other flowers for $5 on Valentine’s Day.

“Uh…none of your _business_.”

“Poor Kyle,” said Wendy, peaking Cartman’s attention. “I never see him date anymore.”

Stan shrugged. “I asked him if he wanted us to set him up and he got all weird and pissed-off about it.”

“He obviously already _likes_ someone.” She replied. Cartman felt his stomach twist, the same way it had any other time he’d found-out Kyle was into a girl. “Has he told you _who?_ ”

 _“Nope.”_ Stan rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why he’s acting so fucking weird.”

“You should just let me set him up with Bebe, already.”

“Does Bebe still have a crush on him?”

“She never really had a crush on him.” Wendy shrugged. “She just thinks he’s hot. Or hard to get. You know, the nice Jewish boy, with an overprotective mother. I think she sees him as a challenge.”

Cartman scoffed. Kyle was so much more than that. Stan raised an eyebrow, while Wendy narrowed her eyes at him.

“Did you _say_ something, _Eric?_ ”

_“No.”_

Kyle finally looked over at the three, avoiding eye contact with Stan (who did the same), giving Cartman a weird look. The other boy looked away, pretending like they hadn’t just been talking about him and his lack of a love-life. Kyle closed his locker, making his way over.

“Hey, guys,” he said, cautiously. “What’s going on?”

 _“Kyle,”_ said Wendy, looking between him and Stan. “Bebe still doesn’t have a date for the dance on Saturday…so, I was _thinking_ …”

Cartman, trying his very hardest not to look at Kyle, slipped off to his own locker. He and Kyle’s lockers were practically next to each other, since their last names were so close in the alphabet.

Kyle felt like he was under inspection.

“Uh…that’s great and all, Wendy, but I’m actually not _going_ to the dance.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t _want_ to go,” said Kyle, slightly irritated. He was getting tired of people investigating him.

“Yeah, Wendy.” Stan glared. _“Don’t bother.”_

“Okay, whatever, Stan. I’m not gonna fight with you about this anymore.” Kyle rolled his eyes, walking away.

He was officially done with the entirety of Valentine’s Day. It felt like one big day for everyone to rub his romantic failures right into his face. It wasn’t like Kyle was actively _looking_ for a girlfriend, but it was annoying that his friends assumed that they were somehow better than him because he hadn’t had one in such a long time. He headed back towards his locker.

“Hey, Kyle.” Cartman was standing at his own locker, eating from a heart-shaped box of chocolates. His mom had bought them for him. Which was maybe, _sad_ …but chocolate was chocolate.

“What are you _doing?_ ” Kyle glared.

“What?!”

“Where did you get _those_ from?!”

“Oh… _these?_ ” Cartman smirked. “Why, Kyle? Are you _jealous?_ ”

 _“No,”_ said Kyle. “I’m just _asking_.”

“Why do you sound so surprised I got chocolates?” Cartman teased, loving how jealous Kyle sounded. “A lot of girls think I’m a _catch_.”

_“No.”_

“God, Kyle, I thought we were _cool_.” Cartman glared. “What’s up _your_ ass?”

Kyle sighed. “I’m sorry, dude, I’m just… _pissed-off_.”

_“Duh.”_

“I mean, first Stan is on my dick about dating, and now he has _Wendy_ coming after me?” Kyle fumed. “What is everyone’s fucking _problem?_ ”

“You know, Kyle.” Cartman shrugged. “If you wanna release all that anger, somewhere…”

“I dunno…” said Kyle, hesitating. “On… _Valentine’s Day?_ ”

Cartman nearly choked on a chocolate. “It’s not, like, romantic, or anything, Kyle, _god_.”

 _“I know!”_ insisted Kyle. “But, _still!_ ”

“Then, um…” he said. “We can just get drunk and play video games.”

“On _Valentine’s Day?_ ”

Cartman looked around, cautiously. “What’s romantic about _that?!_ ”

 _“Nothing!”_ glared Kyle, slamming his locker shut. “God, _fine!_ ”

“Your place or mine?”

 _“Yours,”_ said Kyle, in a hushed voice. “My parents aren’t going out of town for Valentine’s Day this year.”

“Perfect…my mom will be out, _all night_ , for Valentine’s Day.” Cartman grinned, biting his lip. “I’ll see you tonight, Kyle.”

 

* * *

 

It was 6:30 PM, by the time Kyle arrived. The rest of the town was out for Valentine’s Day. Stan was on an excessively expensive date with Wendy, with Kenny’s luck, it was probably the one day of the year where he’d strike-out and hell, even Ike Broflovski had serious Valentine’s Day plans…and he was _eleven_ …but Cartman had been sitting on the couch, watching old reruns of _Terrance & Phillip_, waiting for Kyle to arrive. His anxiety was at an all-time high. He hoped that he could control himself from getting caught-up in his own feelings and saying something he’d really regret that night.

But then again, he would never have the chance too, because it wasn’t like _that_. He’d have no reason to just blurt-out anything too real.

There was a knock on the front door. Cartman’s pulse fastened, as he walked over to answer. It was still a weird, but not new feeling, being excited, to see Kyle.

“Hello, _Kyle_.” Cartman smirked, opening-up the door. He had snuck a bottle of that shitty S’mores Schnapps the dads around there, absolutely _loved_ , from his mom’s “hidden” liquor stash and saved his heart-shaped box of chocolates for Kyle. Just as a little joke. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Kyle rolled his eyes at the chocolates, stepping inside the house. “You did _not_ , go out and buy me candy.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Kyle,” said Cartman. “These are the same ones from earlier.”

“You didn’t receive another?” asked Kyle, with fake-shock. “But, I thought all the girls considered you a _catch!_ ”

“Fuck off, Kyle, I got these from my mom.” He glared, embarrassedly throwing the box at him. “I saved you some.”

To Kyle’s surprise, he actually _did_ save him a fair amount of chocolates. Not a _ton_ , but it would have taken a lot of self control not to have devoured that whole box. “Wow. Thanks, dude.”

“It’s nothing, Kyle,” said Cartman, smugly, covering his blush. “Now, let’s get _drunk_.”

 

* * *

 

They poured a few drinks and played video games for hours. It actually turned-out to be a really fun night. Kyle had completely forgotten about his fight with Stan, and the initial nervousness between him and Cartman had melted-away. They laughed and joked around, just having a sincerely fun time together. It was a rare occasion, but one they both enjoyed. Neither had realized before now, how much _fun_ they had with each other, when they were alone. And that wasn’t even including all their little sexcapades. They sincerely enjoyed each other’s presence.

At one point, they had gotten pretty tipsy, making every video game 10x funnier to play, but by 12 AM, they were both tired, but totally sobered-up. Tired and giggly, but sober.

“This has been really fun, Kyle.” Cartman giggled.

“Hey, um,” said Kyle, with a drowsy smile. “If you still wanna…you know…we _can_ …”

 _“Wow.”_ Cartman laughed. “What are you, a _pussy?_ You can say “suck dick”, _Kyle_.”

 _“Shut the fuck up.”_ Kyle said, punching him playfully. “Do you wanna get fucked, or not?”

“Yeah, duh.”

Kyle hopped off the couch, making his way for the stairs, up to his bedroom. “Come on, _fatass_.”

“I’m not _fat_ , I’m _big-boned_.”

Finally in Kyle’s bedroom, the two rolled onto his bed, arms wrapped around each other’s, kissing, aggressively. The lights were dim, as usual, and Kyle found himself on top. Nothing had really changed. It was routine. The two began stripping down to underwear, their bodies then wrapping around each other’s again, engaging in the typical rough make-out session, that lead into head and much, _much_ more.

Cartman was so in love at that point, that he couldn’t ignore it. He had always shoved those feelings for Kyle, way, _way_ , down, because he typically liked girls, but this was undeniable. He was under a trance with Kyle, forever dreaming of the feeling of Kyle’s lips against his and alas, recently, it had become a _reality_. By now, however, he wanted _so_ much more than just _sex_. He was getting greedy. He wanted Kyle’s _love_. He wasn’t perfect, but he was damn close.

They stopped for air, and Cartman reached-up, pulling Kyle’s hat off. He knew he was overly self-conscious about his dark, red curls. He hoped that his constant teasing hadn’t contributed to that, too much. _“Wow.”_

“I know,” Kyle said, feeling nervous, and reaching back, slipping his ushanka back on, again. “Why do you think I wear this thing?”

 _“No,”_ said Cartman. “I, uh…think your hair is… _cute_.”

 _“”Cute”?_ ” Kyle raised an eyebrow.

 _“Yeah…”_ Cartman looked away, turning red.

 _“Really?”_ he asked, skeptically. “No ginger jokes?”

“I’m already _looking_ at one big ginger joke.”

Kyle’s glare, turned into a laugh. He reached down and kissed Cartman, their lips meeting with less aggression, and more passion this time, as he held onto Cartman’s jawline, the two moving softly into each other, then pulling away.

“Kyle, uh…when we _kiss_ …” said Cartman, his own feelings catching him off-guard. “…there really _is_ magic.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” said Kyle, rolling his eyes…as usual. “I remember that line. The basketball game.”

 _“Kyle…”_ Cartman stared him, dead in the eyes. “This time, I’m…not kidding.”

Everything shifted at once. What had felt like witty, teasing banter and aggressive, sexual arguing, for the last few weeks, suddenly changed. Kyle stared back, noting the look of desperation in Cartman’s eyes. He had thought it was just _sexual_. _Cartman_ had thought _Kyle_ thought, it was just _sexual_. But it was romantic.

They were finally on the same page.

_“Cartman…”_

“ _Kyle_ , I…” he turned red, looking away. “ _I’m_ …”

“I know,” said Kyle, a look of urgency in his eyes. _“I know.”_

They’d kissed so many times before, but this way their _real_ first kiss. No battle for dominance, no aggression, no hidden agendas, and no insults or bickering followed. The two locked lips and kissed like they were afraid someone would pull them apart. They melted into each other, wishing at once, that those years of competition and arguing, and showing each other up, could have just been put aside, so they could have been doing this sooner, but maybe it was the only way they would have made it to each other. Completely, understandably confused, and hiding their true intentions, until that very moment.

When they finally had to come up for air, Kyle laughed, cheeks bright. “We’re just…really, _really_ drunk, Cartman.”

His face fell. “I’m not drunk.”

Kyle looked aside. “Yeah…neither am I…”

“So, this is real?”

Kyle blinked. “Yeah…I think that…this is, like… _for real_.”

Cartman grinned, tiredly. They weren’t running to each other in the middle of a field, like in his wild fantasies, but this was even better. _“Finally.”_

And they didn’t have sex that night. Neither wanted to. It was just satisfying enough to finally be making-out for real and laying together, underneath the sheets, Kyle resting his head on Cartman’s chest. Cartman was exhausted, but felt like he could barely sleep. His heart was beating so quickly, he thought it might explode.

“ _Whoa_ , dude.” Kyle whispered. “Your heart is so loud.”

“Uh…yeah, sorry.”

“Why is it beating so fast?” he sneered. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“It’s just that, uh…I’ve wanted this for a _really long time_.”

Kyle smiled to himself. He still felt weird, _nervous_ , like his own heart was beating out of control too, but he let himself ease into place. He shifted, so that Cartman’s head rested on his chest, instead.

Cartman felt safe, with Kyle. He felt secure, with Kyle. He literally could not _function_ without Kyle. It was true; in that brief period that Kyle had lived in San Francisco, he'd felt so lonely, and when he learned that Kyle and his family were in danger, he risked his own life to save them…all under the guise that he missed _teasing_ Kyle, but nah, he just wanted _Kyle_. When Kyle died at the Pentagon, he’d saved his life, not even _caring_ about their stupid bet.

And Kyle had saved him too. From drowning, from assault, from near death, and more importantly, from _himself_. Neither would be there without the other. Cartman would be _nowhere_ without Kyle. He realized, then and there, that his life had always been better like that.

_With Kyle._

And there was no other way he’d want it.

 

* * *

 

Kyle woke-up to nearly complete darkness.

Over the course of the night, he and Cartman had separated, and the other boy was fast asleep. He rubbed his eyes, adjusting to the light, shocked to realize that he wasn’t, in fact, in his own bed, but _Cartman’s_. Sure, they had _slept_ together, but never literally _slept_ together, unless you counted a few odd sleepovers as kids.

He reached across the bedside table, to check his phone. _4:57 AM._

 _“Oh my god!”_ he exclaimed. He had several missed calls from his mother, father, Kenny and even _Stan_. _“Shit!”_

Kyle crawled out of bed, trying his very best not to wake-up Cartman, digging through their clothes in the dark, for his shirt, pants, socks, coat and his classic green ushanka, that he remembered Cartman taking-off just hours ago.

 _“I, uh…think your hair is…_ cute _.”_

It was _all_ coming back to him now. They hadn’t just played video games and drank a little bit. Nah, he had zero hangover. And that night, they hadn’t had meaningless sex, either.

They had kissed, without aggression. Touched without resentment. They held onto each other, just for the sake of holding onto each other, because they _wanted_ to.

He felt sick.

_“I’ve wanted this for a really long time.”_

“Oh my god,” he said, wiping off his forehead. “Cartman is in _love_ with me.”

_“I think that…this is, for real.”_

“Oh my _god_.” Kyle’s stomach dropped. “Am I in love with… _Cartman?_ ”

He looked over at the sleeping boy, whose soft brown hair was slightly disheveled and messy. He was fast, fast asleep. Kyle could feel butterflies forming in his stomach.

 _“Oh my god,”_ he said, feeling nauseous. “I have to get out of here.” He dressed as fast as he could, slipping his coat on last, then pulling his hat back on over his dark red curls.

Before leaving, Kyle took one last look at Cartman. Part of him wondered, if he should have woken him up, to say goodbye. But what if he woke-up, expecting some kind of _romantic_ goodbye? Kyle couldn’t give it to him.

 _Last night was a mistake,_ he thought. _Last night was an accident._

He carefully slipped out of Cartman’s room, heading down the stairs, grabbing his bag from off of the couch and making his way for the front door. He locked it before leaving and making his way outside. It was a short walk home, but a dark one.

He kept running the events of that night over and over again, through his mind. He wanted to believe he could ignore it, ignore the things he was feeling for _Eric Cartman_ , of all people, but he couldn’t.

Cartman was a bad child. The _worst_. But even then, he tried to see the light inside of him. Now they were teenagers and Cartman had improved. He had been to a therapist. He was a work in progress, but an improved person; he was the type of person that Kyle could fall in love with, even if he wasn’t used to feeling that way about guys.

And it _scared_ him.

As quietly as he _possibly_ could, Kyle slipped his key through the front door of his house, slipping back inside.

_“Kyle Broflovski!”_

He cringed at the sound of his mother’s trill voice.

“Gerald, wake-up, your bastard son is finally home.” she fumed, tapping Gerald, who was fast asleep on the couch. “Kyle Broflovski, where in God’s name, have you been?! I was worried _sick!_ I was about to call the police and file a missing persons report!”

Gerald rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

Kyle’s mother was going to _kill_ him for being out this late. “I’m sorry, Mom, I was—”

“Do you even _know_ , how worried I was? I called Sharon, and Carol, and Liane, I even called the school, and Stan and Kenny, I called Eric—”

“ _Stan_ and _Cartman?!_ ” exclaimed Kyle. “Why’d you call _them?!_ ”

“Because, _Kyle_ , we didn’t know where you went!” Gerald said, standing-up, next to Sheila.

“And neither did your friends apparently, Stan had no clue, and Kenny and Eric didn’t even respond. Why bother having a _phone_ , if you’re never going to answer it?” His mother ranted.

Knowing that Sharon would have had tabs on where Stan was, Kyle knew he couldn’t just lie and say he’d been with him that night. “Listen, I was at Cartman’s, working on our project and, I guess…the two of us just lost track of _time_ , and then my phone died—”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Kyle.” She shook her head. “I’ve been up all night, worried sick. We’re going to bed, and I suggest you do too, young man. You have school in just _three_ hours.”

 _Three hours?_! He’d have to face everyone, including _Stan_ and _Cartman_ , in just _three hours_. “Oh, _god_.”

Sheila marched upstairs to bed, but Gerald stayed, discreetly turning to Kyle, with a grin.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Kyle, I know you and Stan were out last night, with a bunch of girls.”

_“What?!”_

“Don’t tell your mother, alright?” He followed her up to bed, leaving Kyle in shock. His parents were _too much_.

Kyle could barely sleep another wink that night. He just sat in bed, with nothing but Cartman on his mind and he couldn’t help but have one question on his mind:

_What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my gay af fanfic y'all. I hope to have part 3 out, ASAP, because that'll be the most dramatic part, adding a few more characters to the mix too, etc. S/O to all the people who left sweet comments on the first chapter, once again, because I really do appreciate it. I hope part 2 was worth the read lol


	3. And I Think It's Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a quick, but painful rejection from Kyle, Cartman falls back into old habits, doing the only thing he can possibly think to do: get revenge, and make him jealous. But the joke's on him, when Kyle retaliates.
> 
> Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle's friendship becomes more strained, as Stan gives him the cold shoulder, Kenny is the only one who can see right through Cartman and his enemy-turned-ex-lover, Kyle is still in major denial, and now to top it all off, there's the stupid school dance to worry about...and Cartman's own shenanigans, of course.
> 
> Nothing worth having, ever came without a fight...or a few hundred. Whether they're ready or not, Kyle and Cartman will have to finally face their feelings, head-on...or forever remain, totally, and indefinitely, screwed. (THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Like the summary says, this is the DRAMATIC CONCLUSION, so hopefully it doesn't disappoint. Thank-you for the continuous support and sweet comments, because they are SUPER uplifting and appreciated BIG-TIME. happy reading!
> 
> ✿HMU✿  
> discord: lai#6163  
> peep my sp/kyman [tumblr](https://kylebiased.tumblr.com/) (also @kylebiased if the link doesn't work!)

It was quite literally a dream come true.

If nine or ten-year-old Eric Cartman had been told, that one day, he and _Kyle Broflovsk_ i would fall asleep in each other’s arms…and he’d _want_ it to happen…he’d scoff. Laugh it off. Pitch a fit. He had been repressing those feelings for a very, very long time.

And now that he was 16, going on 17, those feelings for Kyle had been harder to avoid, and after all that build-up, they were coming-out, full-force. Holding onto Kyle, in bed, listening to the sound of his heartbeat…feeling his skin, against his…it was all a little too much to take-in. It almost felt fake, but it wasn’t. No daydream or fantasy, could live-up to the real thing.

Kyle existed in all corners of his life by then: he was there when he was awake and there when he dreamt, because Kyle _was_ a dream come true. Cartman thought it would be impossible to sleep a wink that night, but he felt safe with Kyle in bed, and so he drifted-off, only to see Kyle again.

His reoccurring dream of he and Kyle, running to each other in a field, lit by sun-down, replayed again, only this time, he _finally_ had Kyle. He always came so close, but this time, he got to hold him, touch him, feel his body…god, did this mean that Kyle was finally _his?_ It was euphoric.

_“Eric?”_

_“Kyle?”_

“Eric, _sweetie_.”

He smiled, still drifting in and out of sleep. Kyle hadn’t called him “Eric” since they were very young children. “ _Oh_ …Kyle…”

“Eric? It’s time to get ready for school.”

He opened his eyes at last, coming face-to-face with his mother. Cartman peered around the room. Morning light flooded into his bedroom, and Kyle was nowhere to be found.

“ _What?!_ But…where’s…”

“Where’s _who_ , snookums?” She asked, with concern.

Cartman shook his head, rubbing his eyes. His clothes were still spread around all over the floor, but there were no traces of Kyle.

“Uh…nobody.”

“Didn’t you mention your friend, Kyle?”

 _“NO!”_ he snapped. “No, I…never mind, Mom, god, _leave me alone!_ ”

“Get ready for school, please, Eric. I mean it.”

The minute she left, he jumped-out of bed and ran to the bathroom. No, he didn’t look any different, but he did feel ill. Was it all a dream? Something he’d made-up in his head? It was beginning to feel like a possibility.

Cartman rushed back to his room, then checking his phone. No messages from Kyle.

“What the _fuck?!_ ” he exclaimed. He wanted to chalk it all up to Kyle’s obsession with school. Kyle probably woke-up, realized they had class that morning, and booked it. After all, his mom would be on his ass about being out all night long.

But, still.

At the corner of his bed, he did notice something…a pair of little green gloves.

 _“Kyle.”_ Cartman picked them up, looking them over. They smelled like Kyle. It was the same pair he wore daily, that must of slipped out of his pockets, when he was stripping.

So, he had been there. They had kissed, they had slept together, it was all real. And Kyle hadn’t even bothered to say ‘goodbye’.

It hurt much more than Cartman would ever want to admit, but he decided it made sense: Kyle was all about school, good grades, family…and he was neurotic, to boot. He had probably woken-up, realized the time and rushed home. Nothing weird or disheartening about that.

But, still.

 

* * *

 

Kyle had no idea what to do.

He was standing at his locker, attempting to bring himself to just grab his textbooks and go to class, but he was so distracted.

His morning had been absolutely brutal so far: he’d barely slept after arriving back home, then got lectured by his mother on the way to school, Stan refused to even _look_ at him and he was still reeling from the night before.

The biggest problem hadn’t been what he’d done or what Cartman had said. It wasn’t that Cartman had feelings for him. To Kyle, it was the fact that he had feelings _right back_ for him and that Cartman knew. And now, he himself had to come to terms with the fact that he had fallen for _Eric Cartman_.

Had it happened over time? Was it sudden? Had it been building-up, for _years_ , even? Kyle had no idea, and the thought of it shook him to his very core: he had always considered himself straight and on top of that…why _Cartman?_

He wanted to take it all back.

“Uh… _Kyle?_ ”

Kyle peered-out from behind his locker.

_Cartman._

“Oh…hey, dude.”

Cartman rubbed the back of his neck, looking down. “Uh…where were you this morning, Kyle?”

Kyle felt his heart beating, nearly out of his chest. What if someone heard them? “I…um…”

“You didn’t even text me.”

“Cartman…can we, um…can we talk about this, _in private?_ ”

It didn’t sound like a good sign.

The bell rang, signalling the start of class. It was what Kyle was betting on: that way they’d have total privacy in the washroom, even if he had to miss the first little bit of history class.

Finally alone, Kyle took Cartman’s hands in his. He wanted to be soft, _gentle_ , when he did this…he knew Cartman had a vulnerable side and he was easy to break.

Before he could get a word in, Cartman leaned in, kissing Kyle. He kissed back, letting go of his hands, and falling back against the tile wall, with Cartman. Neither wanted to stop, but Kyle knew this was a bad idea. It was a _really_ bad idea. So he pulled away, backing-off, trying to put as much distance between them as he could.

“Kyle, what the _fuck?!_ ” Cartman hissed, but he seemed a lot more distressed than angry. “Why didn’t you say ‘goodbye’? I woke-up wondering where the fuck you were!”

“Cartman, _look_ ,” said Kyle, holding-up his hands in defence. “We…we really, _really_ need to talk about what happened last night.”

“Yeah, it was fucking _amazing_.”

Kyle sighed. His chest felt unbelievably heavy. “Cartman…last night, things got…they got…too intense.”

Cartman’s heart sank. “What are you saying?”

“Last night never should have happened.” He spat it out as quickly as he possibly could, because it was the only way he’d be able to say it.

Cartman didn’t know whether to be furious or completely heartbroken. “What are you talking about, Kyle?”

“Don’t you _get_ it?!” Kyle snapped. “Last night was a huge _mistake_.”

“What? Getting drunk and playing XBOX? Or—”

“Everything else, besides that,” said Kyle, refusing to look him in the eyes. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Cartman looked away. Yeah, it _hurt_. Like, 10x worse than falling-off his bike. Maybe even more than the time he’d tried flying and jumped-off his roof and scored a wicked concussion. He’d been dumped before, but this felt a million times worse. _“Why?”_

Kyle scoffed, his face feeling hot. “Oh, come on, _Cartman_ …” he said. “We don’t really…I don’t really… _you_ , don’t really…”

“Really, _what?_ ” asked Cartman, turning back around, with a glare. “Have _feelings_ , for each other?”

“Of course not!” exclaimed Kyle. “This is what _happens_ , Cartman. This is what happens, when people are friends-with-benefits. You get caught-up in the moment, and it was Valentine’s Day, we were both feeling _lonely_ , it was just…it was bound to happen, and it wasn’t real.”

“Yes, it _was!_ ” Cartman insisted. “Kyle, don’t you get it? That was real. It was all real.”

“ _No_ , it wasn’t.” He hesitated. “We were drunk.”

“We weren’t drunk!”

“Even so.” Kyle insisted. _“It wasn’t real.”_

“Yes, it was!”

“No, it wasn’t!”

“Then, why am I—” Cartman stopped himself. Nah, there was no way he was going to tell him too much. Not when he stood there, insisting everything that had happened, just hours ago, wasn’t _“real”_.

“Then, why are you, _what?_ ” Kyle gave him a look of concern. “Why are you, _what_ , Cartman?”

The concerned look and voice, just made Cartman feel 10x worse. _God_ , Kyle was _smart_ , but he was _stupid_. He had to be playing dumb; trying his very hardest to leak some truth out of him. He felt manipulated.

“You know, _what_ , Kyle?” fumed Cartman. “No. _Fuck you._ ”

Kyle’s concern turned to mutual anger. “What’s your fucking _problem?_ ”

“It’s not fair,” he said. “You can’t do that to people.”

“Do _what_ to people?!” asked Kyle. “What are you even _on?!_ ”

 _“Lie!”_ exclaimed Cartman. “You can’t just…you can’t just make people feel that way, and then _lie_ to them.”

“Feel _what_ way?”

Cartman was heartbroken. There was no better way to put it. And the same way he did as a kid, when he was hurt, he reacted in _anger_. The only person to ever let him cry, for real, had been _Kyle_ , the first time Kenny was really, really dying, and no one had given him anything like that since. So, the only way he knew how to react was with _anger_ , because otherwise he’d cry and he hated to be vulnerable. He didn’t want Kyle to know he was hurting, so he did what felt familiar: he turned _cruel_.

“You sneaky, _sneaky_ , Jew.” he snapped. “You did this on purpose!”

“Oh, _straight_ to the ‘Jew’ insults.” Kyle scoffed. “Big fucking surprise.”

“This was your plan, _all_ along, _Kyle_ ,” he said. “Make me fall in _love_ with you, just to turn around and treat me like I’m an idiot, for falling for you— _it_. Well, joke’s on you, _Kyle_ , because I don’t actually give a _fuck!_ ”

“Fall in _love?_ ” blinked Kyle. He had no _clue_ , just how far Cartman’s feelings had actually extended. “Yeah, Cartman, I tricked you into betting me that I’d have to suck your _dick_ , if you couldn’t do a bike jump. That makes so much sense, _no_ , that’s _retarded_. Why would I construct some _“evil plan”_ , to make you fall in love with me?”

“I dunno!” Cartman yelled. “To make me feel fucking stupid! So, you can go around and tell everyone, _“HAHA, I made Cartman fall in_ love _with me!”_ and then go laugh about it with Stan and Kenny!”

“Newsflash, _fatass_.” Kyle hissed. “My life doesn’t fucking _revolve_ around you!”

“It’s not _fair!_ ” Cartman fumed. He grabbed Kyle’s wrist, practically pleading. “It’s not _fair_ , Kyle, you can’t make me feel this way and then just tell me it’s _“not real”!_ ”

Kyle pulled his wrist away, his expression turning dark. _“I don’t owe you anything.”_

Cartman turned away, trying his best to stay angry, instead of bursting into tears. “So, what? We’re just… _over?_ ”

“We were never together, Cartman.” Kyle was nearly silent. He was damn glad that the other boy was looking away, because he himself was shaking and upset. “I’ll see you around.”

The minute Kyle was gone, Cartman felt hot tears spill down his cheeks. How ironic, that the only person who’d ever offered him a sincere form of comfort and let him cry, was the person he was crying _over_. Come to think of it, it wasn’t the first time he’d cried over Kyle, but he sure hoped it would be the last.

He stood-up, peering into his reflection. His face was soaked, bright red and his eyes were too, from crying. _God_ , he hated being so vulnerable. He pounded his fists into the counter-top, furiously. Only Kyle could do this to him.

“I fucking _hate_ Kyle!” he yelled, at no one. “I fucking _hate_ him.”

He felt bad. He shouldn’t have gone straight to the insults and yelling and freaking-out, but he had no idea how to do anything _but_ that, when his feelings were this extreme: therapy or not.

Cartman started to think to himself, that maybe he had gotten too soft. _Kyle_ made him soft. He hated that. He wasn’t supposed to be soft-hearted, but _Kyle_ made him feel things like that, only to walk away. He had never expected Kyle to reciprocate his feelings anyways, but he _had_ and it had turned him into another person, just for it to all be ripped away from him.

“I’ve gotten soft,” said Cartman, wiping tears away with the sleeve of his coat. He peered back into the mirror. Why was he _this_ upset? This had all started over, what? A stupid _bet?_

And then, he got an idea. A _brilliant_ idea, that would show Kyle, _just_ how little this had actually impacted him. That he hadn’t turned into a massive pussy over him, and that Kyle shouldn’t have fucked him over.

The old Eric Cartman was back.

 

* * *

 

Kyle couldn’t believe what he was feeling.

It was study period in class, but he was barely able to focus on his textbook and notes. God, how was he feeling this way, over _Cartman?_ He was feeling remorseful and for some reason, wanted to run all the way back to the bathroom, to see _Cartman_. He had felt some weird compassion towards him developing over the years, as they’d gotten to know each other better, but this feeling was _different_. It made him wonder, if he too, had always had underlying feelings for him.

And, on top of that, Stan still wouldn’t speak to him. It’s not like he had _tried_ speaking to him, but he refused to even look at Kyle, as they studied in class, so Kyle took this as a not-so-great sign. He had fallen for his enemy, broken ties with his best friend, and now he’d lost _both_ of them, with only himself to blame for it. Kyle was not having the best day, to say the very least.

But he pushed it all to the back of his mind.

_“You can’t just make people feel that way, and then lie to them.”_

The words made him cringe inside. He had never intended to “make Cartman fall for him”, _shit_ , he’d thought they were just hooking-up and that would be the end of it, but _somehow_ …along the line…signals had crossed, feelings were confused, and now they were in a sticky situation.

It totally sucked.

Kenny took a seat next to Kyle, between him and Stan.

“You’re late for class.”

 _“I know.”_ Kenny groaned. _“I have a fucking_ hangover _.”_

“It’s _Thursday morning_ ,” said Kyle, although, he wasn’t really one to judge.

 _“_ _Last night was fucking crazy, dude,”_ said Kenny. _“Red is a_ freak _.”_

“Dude, you better keep it down, or one of her friends will hear you.”

 _“Whatever, man, I got the best head of my_ life _last night.”_ He sighed. _“And I’ve gotten a_ lot _of head.”_

“Jesus _Christ_ , Kenny.”

Kenny noticed how absolutely sleep-deprived Kyle looked. Not because he looked bad, or messy, or anything, he just looked pale and tired. Upset, even. _“Dude, are you okay?”_

“I’m fine.”

_“You look tired.”_

“I am tired.”

 _“Dude, have you been_ crying? _”_

 _“No.”_ Kyle snapped. He had teared-up a little bit earlier, but told himself to pull it together. This whole thing with Cartman had started because of some _insane_ bet, that Stan had rightly told them not to do, and now somehow, he and Cartman were “breaking-up” and crying over each other. Well, he refused to take it that seriously anymore. What was done, was done.

 _“Dude…what_ happened _last night?”_ Kenny whispered. _“Stan and I couldn’t reach you. Your mom called him. I just figured you were…out.”_

Stan, hearing his name, looked-up and made eye contact with Kyle, then averting his eyes again. _Fuck._

“I was. It’s _nothing_.”

_“Come on—”_

“ _No_ , Kenny,” said Kyle, sternly. “Look, I just…got into a fight with someone.”

 _“Like a_ fight _-fight?”_

“An _argument_.” Kyle sighed, looking away. “But it’s not big deal. I’m just tired.”

Kenny reached-out, putting a comforting hand on Kyle’s back. _“Dude, you can always talk to me or Stan if you want.”_

“You know me and Stan aren’t on speaking terms right now.” Kyle whispered. He was in a bad place. “It’s fine, dude. _Really_. It had to happen at some point.”

With he and Cartman’s track record, they were eventually bound to hurt each other badly enough to permanently destroy their “friendship”. And for Kyle, it was better for him to do the damage, before Cartman ever could.

 

* * *

 

Cartman’s plan was brilliant.

It was truly a mystery, how quickly Cartman could mask his feelings if he wanted to. Just hours ago, he had been sobbing over Kyle, but now, here he was, at the end of the school-day, already plotting away. Kyle had _underestimated_ just how much he needed him and he’d _overestimated_ just how much Cartman cared about their “relationship”. And he was absolutely determined to prove it.

So, like classic Eric Cartman, he schemed and came-up with the _perfect_ plan to prove to Kyle, that he was _so_ over it: make him _jealous_ , of course.

It wasn’t a sophisticated plan. It wasn’t even a _great_ plan, considering it had so much potential to fail in its first step…as he did need to rely on another person, for this to all work-out…but Cartman didn’t like taking “no”, for an answer, and he sure didn’t intend to, either.

_“BEBE STEVENS!”_

Cartman stood inside the school’s gym, arms folded-over each other, as he scrutinized the cheerleading team. It was basically the same group of girls from elementary school, as they’d all grown-up together and continued onto the squad; and then of course, some other, random, newer girls from the 10th grade. But Cartman knew who he was looking for.

She turned her head in a flash. Big surprise, Bebe ate up any attention she was served. She narrowed her eyes, looking around for whoever had called for her.

_“Bebe, Bebe, Bebe…”_

She rolled her eyes, eliciting a strange look from a few of the other girls. _“Cartman.”_

“Could I talk to you, please?” he asked, with a smirk. “In _private_.”

Bebe gave him a suspicious look. _“Why?”_

“Let’s just say, I have something you, really, _really_ want.”

“What are you _talking_ about?” she asked, hands flying to her hips. She was indefinitely hot, with an hourglass figure, and long, blonde waves. Bebe was notorious for her breaching-on NSFW Instagram posts and being a major-gossip, yet she and politically inclined, academic-obsessed, Wendy Testaburger, were still closer than ever. Probably because they were both so damn _intimidating_ , just in very different ways.

“Let’s speak in _private_ , Bebe.”

She rolled her eyes, but made her way over to Cartman’s side. “I’ll be right back, girls.”

The two stepped-out into the hallway, closing the gymnasium doors behind them.

“Okay, Eric,” said Bebe. “What’s your deal?”

“What if I told you, I could get you a date with Kyle?”

 _“Broflovski?”_ she asked, raising an eyebrow. “A _date?_ Yawn.”

“Not a _date_ -date.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, what if I told you…I could hook you _up_ , with Kyle?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why do you think I wanna hook-up with _Kyle?_ ”

 _“Please!”_ Cartman scoffed. “I know you had a thing for him in elementary school.”

“That was _years_ ago, Cartman.”

“Bebe, I’m not just talking about second- _base_ , with Kyle.” he smirked. “I’m talking…his _virginity_.”

Her facial expression changed completely. “Kyle is a _virgin?!_ ”

“Why are you so _shocked?!_ ” he asked. “Obsessed with school, his insanely overprotective Jew mom…”

 _“Interesting…”_ she said, pondering it. “But why do you think I, would be interested?”

“Come _on_ , Bebe,” said Cartman. “We both know you think Kyle is cute. He’s a beautiful, Jewish boy…soft lips…firm _ass_ …”

“God, maybe _you_ should be the one hooking-up with Kyle.”

 _“HEY!”_ Cartman nearly choked. “Okay, _listen_ , Bebe…wouldn’t it be _so_ nice, to finally hook-up with your first crush…defy his crazy bitch of a mother…”

“I mean, you don’t really have to convince me,” she said. “ _Lots_ of girls are into Kyle. He’s hard to get.”

The part about _lots_ of girls being into Kyle, definitely pissed-off Cartman off. He wanted Kyle all to himself. But he tried his hardest not to show it. “Now, Bebe, what if I told you…this could all become a _reality?_ ”

 _“How?”_ she asked, crossing her arms. “As far as I’ve heard, Kyle is completely _stupid_ and oblivious when it comes to girls. I mean, that’s what I’ve heard from the few girls on the squad he’s had little things with. I’ve tried flirting with him before at parties, and he just seems distant.”

“Kyle is… _difficult_ ,” said Cartman. He bit his lip to prevent himself from going-on any strongly-worded Kyle tangents. “He kinda needs a little… _kick_ , to…realize he’s into someone.”

Bebe gave him an odd look. “What do you mean?”

“I’m _saying_ , the only way you’re gonna get with Kyle…is if you make him _jealous_.”

 _“Jealous?”_ asked Bebe. “What are you talking about?”

“He needs to have what he wants taken away from him, for him to truly _appreciate_ it,” said Cartman. “It’s the only way Kyle will realize, he wants it. He _needs_ it.”

He wasn’t even sure if he was talking about _Bebe_ at that point.

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” said Bebe. “I mean, I think Kyle is _hot_ , but I don’t wanna marry him or anything.”

“But you do wanna fuck him?”

_“Duh.”_

“Then, you need to make him jealous, first.”

“How do I do _that?_ ”

“That’s where _I_ come in.” Cartman smirked. “ _Bebe_ …will you go to the dance with me, this Saturday?”

Bebe’s mouth dropped wide open. She sneered. “No _way_ , Cartman! What makes you even think I’m _free_ , for the Valentine’s Dance?”

“Wendy told you she would get Stan to convince Kyle to be your date… _didn’t she?_ ”

“Well, _yeah_ …” she shrugged. “But my back-up plan was Kenny. Or Clyde.”

“They both have dates.” Yeah, Cartman had checked-up on that.

 _“Fuck.”_ Bebe glared. “I _knew_ Wendy was full of shit.”

“But that’s it, Bebe…you come to the dance with _me_.”

She glared. “Now why the fuck would I do _that?_ ”

“ _Because_ , Bebe,” said Cartman, with an eye-roll. “Jesus _Christ_ , I thought you were _smart!_ Kyle is my _arch-nemesis_. If he sees me taking you to the dance, he’ll be so jealous, he’ll probably wanna fuck you _right_ on the dance floor.”

Bebe hesitated. “ _Still_ …going to the dance with _you?_ ”

“Or, you could go alone and look like a total fucking _loser_.” He shrugged. _“Your choice.”_

“Is Kyle even _going_ to the dance?”

Cartman scoffed. “I know Kyle. As soon as he finds out we’re going together, _he’ll be there._ ”

“Hold on, Cartman,” she said. “How exactly would you benefit…by taking me to a dance…to make _Kyle_ jealous? What’s in it for _you?_ ”

He nearly hesitated, but took a deep, internal, breathe and choked-out a lie. “I just love seeing Kyle in pain.”

Another, huge, _lie_.

_“I dunno…”_

“Come _on_ , Bebe. You’ve slept with nearly _every_ guy in our class.”

_“HEY!”_

“Don’t you wanna be the one to deflower, _Kyle Broflovski?_ ”

She thought to herself for a second, finally sighing in conclusion. “Okay, Cartman…I’ll go to the…dance with… _you_.”

He smiled to himself, trying hard not to sneer. “ _Perfect_. I assume we’ll get picked-up together, by Wendy’s limo?”

“What are you asking about in regards to the limo _I’m_ renting for Saturday?” Wendy approached the two, shutting the gym-doors behind her.

“Wendy, I’m…going to the dance with _Cartman_.”

 _“What?!”_ gasped Wendy. _“Why?!”_

Bebe shrugged. “Um…why _not?_ ”

Wendy narrowed her eyes at Cartman. “Bebe, are you trying to finish-off some sort of…class _sex_ -list, or a dare, or—”

 _“NO.”_ Bebe insisted. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Jealous much, _Wendy?_ ” Cartman smirked.

 _“Ugh,”_ she said, rolling her eyes. “Whatever. If you _are_ coming in the limo with us, I need to know you are 100% committed to this dance, Eric. No fucking _funny_ business.”

_“Whatever.”_

“Not _whatever_.” She snapped. “The dance committee has worked its ass off to prepare for this event, and I swear to _god_ , if you pull anything traditionally Eric-Cartman-like, so _help_ me, I will—”

“God, chill-out, _Wendy!_ ” he insisted, raising his arms in defensive. “I’m just taking Bebe to a school dance, Jesus _Christ!_ ”

Wendy gave Bebe a look. Bebe just shrugged.

 _“Fine.”_ Wendy huffed. “But be on your best behaviour, or I will kick your _ass_ , _again_.”

She stormed back into the gym, and Cartman turned to Bebe, a shit-eating grin spread across his face. “I’ll be at your house for 6:30, this Saturday.”

“This better work.”

Cartman smiled to himself. “If this plan works out, by Saturday night, Kyle will be _eating his heart out._ ”

 

* * *

 

Kyle was eating his heart out a little earlier than anticipated.

He barely touched his knishes at dinner. He couldn’t focus on his homework. Hell, he couldn’t even focus on the damn _television_ , when he attempted to watch an old repeat of _Terrance & Phillip_. He was losing his _mind_ , over one thing and one thing only.

 _Cartman_.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he had fallen, _hard_. Seeing Cartman’s emotional side, especially that day, had nearly made him wanna turn around, run back to him and pin him right up against the linoleum tiled-walls, kissing him with zero intention of ever stopping…shit, he was even starting to take notice in the way that Cartman breezed around school, with his “I-don’t-give-a-shit” attitude. It wasn’t something he’d seen that day, but reflecting on Cartman in general, that evening…he found it a little more than _stimulating_ , to say the very least.

_“Kyle.”_

He looked-up from his distant stare, at the table. He’d been trying to do homework in the living room, instead of his bedroom. Kyle hoped the change of scenery, would stop him from thinking so damn hard about anything and everything Eric Cartman-related, but it had just made him long to be up there, all alone with him, even more so.

Now, his mother was _pissed_.

“Kyle, are you even _listening_ to me?!”

“Yes, Mom.” He sighed.

“For going-out last night and ignoring my calls, I should ground you, the _entire_ weekend, young man,” she said. “I am still, _very_ disappointed in you.”

“That’s fine,” said Kyle. “I don’t have plans.”

“I only said _should_ , Kyle,” said Sheila. “I’m not going to. You can clean-up the kitchen and go to bed early, instead. Maybe then you’ll learn to respect your curfew.”

Kyle sighed. “That’s fine, Mom, but I didn’t intend—”

“— _Now_ , Kyle.”

 _“Alright!”_ He got up, heading to the kitchen and rolling his eyes, when she was out of his vision. _“Geez.”_

Later that night, he sat-up in bed, still thinking of Cartman. The way he still carried himself around like some kind of smug-faced asshole, but had a deep and vulnerable-side…that so obviously, admittedly, _in love with Kyle_ …it was driving him _insane_. Never, in a million fucking years, would Kyle Broflovski think he’d fall for a dude, let alone, _Eric Cartman_ , and yet… _there he was_. He saw right _through_ Cartman. He knew he lashed-out when he was scared and Cartman was usually scared of his own feelings.

Kyle even considered calling Cartman and telling him he was wrong and had changed his mind, but he didn’t. He just laid awake, staring at his window, wishing Cartman would throw a rock or two at it, or carelessly knock and crawl through his window, begging for him back. It wouldn’t be that out of character for him either. Cartman insisted on getting what he wanted.

Yet, he never showed-up, and Kyle told himself that was what he wanted.

He and Cartman were all wrong.

 

* * *

 

Cartman’s scheme was going all according to plan. He’d actually managed to persuade _Bebe Stevens_ into saying ‘yes’ to the dance with him…the _hottest_ girl in their class, by _far_. Kyle was going to regret rejecting him. He knew Kyle was the jealous type, and this would fuck him over.

“That’ll teach that asshole, Kyle Broflovski.” Cartman grinned to himself, digging through his closet that night, for his best suit. “He’s going to regret… _betraying_ me. I hate that guy.”

And yet, Kyle was still the only one he dreamt of that night.

 

* * *

 

Kyle was starting to have major regrets about his argument and “break-up”, with Cartman. He had straight-up lied to his face and while it was a touchy subject, Kyle wasn’t one to lie.

 _Maybe, we can just talk things out, he thought,_ as he made his way to his locker, before class. _But, oh god, what the fuck am I_ thinking? _It’s_ Cartman _. It’s Eric fucking—_

 _Cartman_. Standing at his own locker, with Stan and Kenny. Amazing how suddenly seeing his three closest friends, was causing him such dread.

“Uh… _hey_ , guys.” Kyle hesitated, opening his locker. Stan still refused to acknowledge him, and Cartman closed his own locker, leaning-up against it and looking away, cooly, though his cheeks were incredibly red.

 _“Hey, dude.”_ Boy, was Kyle grateful for Kenny.

“What’s going on?”

Before Kenny, or anyone else for that matter, could answer, Bebe walked past the four of them. Cartman’s face immediately changed into a smirk.

“Hey, _Bebe_.” He called. “Excited for Saturday night?”

Kyle admired his profile and disposition; the way Cartman was casually leaning-up against his locker, arms slouched into his pockets. He possessed a confident-vibe, whether it be faked or not — that Kyle had always admired for whatever reason…he was _especially_ admiring it now that Cartman was so conveniently out of his hair.

And it looked like even _Bebe_ was picking-up on it too.

She turned around, grinning at Cartman warmly. “Come on, _Eric_. I need to show you something.”

Cartman shot his friends a smug look. “You hear _that_ , fags? She’s gonna show me something.” He turned back around, heading down the hallway and linking arms with Bebe, who was speaking very animatedly about something.

And he made sure to shoot Kyle, as especially obnoxious smirk, before turning the corner with his date.

“What the fuck was _that?!_ ” asked Kyle, jaw nearly touching the floor.

Kenny and Stan gave each other a look.

 _“What?”_ asked Kenny.

“What’s going on with Bebe and _Cartman?_ ”

_“I dunno.”_

Just in time, Wendy approached the group. “Hey, gu—”

“What is Bebe doing with _Cartman?_ ” asked Kyle.

 _“Oh,”_ said Wendy, rolling her eyes. “I guess you didn’t hear. For _some_ reason, Bebe is going to the dance with _Cartman_.”

_“What?!”_

“Yup.” said Wendy. “If you wanted to ask her out, Kyle, you should have acted sooner.”

“That _motherfucker!_ ” Kyle turned the corner, heading after Cartman and Bebe.

 _“Wow,”_ said Wendy. “I didn’t realize Kyle was that interested in Bebe.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow. _“He’s not.”_

Kyle was fuming. Who the _hell_ did Cartman think he was, purposely trying to make him jealous? Leaving him the _only_ dateless one in their group? Kyle didn’t know if he was angry watching Cartman flirt with Bebe because she was supposed to be _his_ prospect date, or because he was jealous that Cartman was flirting with someone other than _him_.

Maybe both, but definitely one more than the other.

“You, _asshole!_ ” Kyle grabbed Cartman by the shoulder, turning him around.

 _“Hey!”_ he glared, changing his expression to smug, the moment he realized it was Kyle pushing him around. “Oh, _hey_ , Kyle. How’s it going?”

Stan, Kenny and Wendy had closely followed.

“What the _fuck_ , are you doing?”

“Whatever do you _mean, Kyle?_ ”

“You know _exactly_ what you’re doing, Cartman!” Kyle glared.

“Hmm…could this have anything to do with _Bebe?_ ” Cartman shot her a look and she grinned back, eating-up the attention.

“Bebe and I have to talk,” said Wendy, grabbing her best-friend by the hand. “Stan, I’ll call you later.”

 _“Hey!”_ Bebe protested, but Wendy dragged her away.

Without the girls, the argument was quickly escalating.

“You know _exactly_ what you’re doing, and it won’t work.” Kyle hissed.

“Oh, _really?_ ” asked Cartman. “And that’s why you’re yelling at me, in the middle of the _hallway?_ ”

“Why _what_ won’t work?”

Kyle turned around. Stan was finally talking to him, and at the _worst_ time possible. “Uh, _nothing_ , dude.”

“You seem a little _angry_ , Kyle.” Cartman smirked, leaning-in closely, as his voice turned into a low whisper. “You know, there’s a very simple solution to that, but…I guess _Bebe_ can just take care of it for me now.”

“Fuck. _You_.” Kyle turned around, storming down the opposite hallway. Kenny shot Cartman a knowing glance, before following Stan and Kyle, but he just turned away, pretending to ignore it.

When they were out of Cartman’s earshot, Kyle threw his locker open, grabbing his bag out and packing it, over-aggressively. He couldn’t _believe_ Cartman was trying to play some kind of immature _game_ with him. And he had been feeling remorseful too, but screw _that_ …clearly Cartman hadn’t really grown-up if he thought that was the best way to handle, or rather, _not_ handle, the situation. “Stan, are any of Wendy’s friends still available?”

 _“Dude,”_ said Stan. “The dance is tomorrow night. Are you _fucking_ with me?”

“I know, Stan, you don’t think I _realize_ that?!” Kyle glared.

Stan shot Kenny a worried look. He sighed. “I’ll ask Wendy.”

Kyle would show Cartman: if he wanted to try showing him up and bringing a date to the dance, then _so would he_.

 

* * *

 

It was a long shot, but he figured he’d take it.

Kyle wasn’t usually the type to necessarily use or manipulate someone. He did it on occasion, more often as a child, as he did consider himself to be a pretty moralistic person…maybe even Cartman’s moral- _counterpart_ — but people didn’t always go to the dance together, looking to score afterwards. He could ask a girl out for fun and actually have a good time, too. It wasn’t _totally_ about settling the score, but it was also about making one thing very clear to Cartman:

_He didn’t need him._

If Bebe was the _hottest_ girl in their class, Nichole Daniels was the _prettiest_. She had bouncy curls that hung around her shoulders, a petite, athletic frame and a _dazzling_ smile. On top of it all, she was one of the nicest girls in the junior class. Nichole was even polite to _Cartman_. She didn’t appear to have a mean bone in her body. And even if she had dated Token in elementary, she _had_ crushed on Kyle, too. So he figured, if anything, he had a least _something_ to go off of.

“Hey, _Wendy!_ ” Kyle had slipped into the gymnasium, after another cheerleading practice.

Wendy turned her head. The other girls were stretching. She was talking to Nichole, who smiled and waved at Kyle when they locked eyes. A good sign. Wendy rolled her eyes and made her way over to Kyle.

“Kyle, I’ve spoken to Bebe, and she’s _still_ going with Cartman,” she said, crossing her arms. “I don’t get it either, but you can only blame yourself for this.”

“No, I don’t care about Bebe,” he said, animatedly. “I was wondering if… _Nichole_ has a date?”

 _“Nichole?”_ asked Wendy, turning around to give her a look. “Well, I think she and her boyfriend broke-up pretty recently, but I’m not sure.”

“Can you talk to her for me?” He hesitated. He wasn’t even into Nichole anymore, but typical Kyle, was still a bit nervous about asking someone out. “Ask her if she’s interested?”

 _“Nichole!”_ Wendy sighed, shaking her head and calling the other girl over. “Just talk to her yourself.”

Nichole made her way over. Wendy whispered something to her, and Nichole giggled, heading over to Kyle.

“Hey, Kyle.” She smiled. “What’s up?”

“Look, I know it’s tomorrow, so I _totally_ get it if this is out of line, but…would you like to go to the dance with me?” He nervously played with his fingers.

Nichole smiled widely. “So, finish that date we started back in the _fourth grade?_ ”

 _“Oh my god.”_ Kyle rolled his eyes, recalling their basketball game date. The very same one where Cartman had all too publicly professed his love for Kyle. “You _remember_ that?”

“How could I forget?!” she teased. “It was _hilarious!_ ”

“Yeah, that was Cartman’s fault.”

“He’s really into you, _hey?_ ”

“He’s a huge _asshole_.” Kyle hoped he hadn’t turned red.

“At least it was entertaining.” Nichole giggled. “That was actually why, um…me and Token got together. I mean, it was just the fourth grade, though.”

“You guys broke-up a long time ago, hey?” Kyle asked, sympathetically.

“Oh, yeah, but that was in _middle_ school.” She shrugged. “We’re still good friends. Me and my _latest_ boyfriend broke-up a few days ago, though.”

Kyle frowned. “That sucks.”

“ _Nah_ , it had to happen.” She shrugged. “I’m only disappointed because he was my dance date…”

“So, _um_ …”

“ _Yes_ , Kyle.” Nichole grinned. “That would be fun. My dress is yellow, if you wanna match. Come by for 6 or 7?”

 _“Great!”_ he said. “I’ll be there!”

Whether it was a romantic date or not, Kyle knew he’d have more fun with Nichole than he’d _ever_ have with Cartman. No _fighting_ , no _games_ …no angry, _hot_ , sex and make- _out_ /make- _up_ sessions…but he was starting to think that the conflict just wasn’t worth it after all. It was better this way.

 

* * *

 

And then, things changed, again.

Even with Cartman’s seemingly _seamless_ plan to enrage Kyle and bring his jealous side into full-force, he couldn’t keep him off of his mind that night. The red, _hot_ , look of fury and passion on his face that day, when he found-out Cartman had a _date?_ _Ridiculously_ hot. As per usual, he’d wanted to take Kyle _right fucking there_ in the middle of the hallway. And he knew that if less people had been there, Kyle would give it right back to him. _Full-force._

There was no reason he couldn’t ask Kyle for just _one_ more round. Just to show him what he’d been missing

Kyle’s phone rang around 12:45 AM. He answered, groggily. _“What?”_

“Kyle…can I _come over?_ ”

He’d recognize that voice anywhere. “What do you want, _fatass?_ ”

“I just wanna _talk_.”

Kyle sighed. There was really no point in arguing with Cartman this late. Plus, he was less angry with him now that he’d established a date with Nichole. “Fine, but make it fast.”

Before he knew it, Cartman was slipping in through his bedroom window. It felt all too familiar, and elicited butterflies in both of their stomach’s.

Not that either would ever _admit_ that.

Kyle turned on his bedside lamp, crawling-out of bed and sitting-up. “What do you _want_ , Cartman?” He rolled his eyes.

Cartman took a seat at the end of his bed. “Aw, _Kyle_ , you’re still lying to yourself?”

“What are you _talking_ about?”

“Stop playing, _Kyle_.” He moved in closer. “I know how jealous you are, that I’m going to the dance with somebody else.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, _moron!_ ” Kyle glared. “We were never together, Cartman. We weren’t ever gonna go to some retarded dance together, anyway.”

“Just admit it!” he demanded. “I know you don’t care about Bebe, so why were you so _pissed-off?_ ”

“I wasn’t _pissed-off_.” Kyle looked away. “I don’t really give a _fuck_.”

“Come _on_ , Kyle.” Cartman pleaded. “You know how good it feels.”

“I thought we came to an agreement, that this was over.” Kyle snapped.

“It _is_ …” said Cartman. “Because I’m taking Bebe to the dance. _But_ …”

_“What?!”_

Cartman gave him a seductive grin, pulling on the flaps of that _stupid_ hat, that Kyle still insecurely slept-in. “You know I love how _angry_ you get.”

Kyle slowly felt himself getting sucked-in. He couldn’t fucking help it, when Cartman gave him that _stupid_ look. “Oh _yeah_ , fat-boy?”

 _“Yeah,”_ said Cartman, moving in closer. “You’re so _hot_ , Kyle.”

“That’s _gay_ , Cartman.”

“I can’t help it, _Kyle_ , you’re fucking hot as _fuck_.”

“Oh, _yeah?_ ”

_“Yeah.”_

“If we do this,” said Kyle, digging a finger into Cartman’s coat. “It’s just _now_. No more after this.”

“I _know_ …” Cartman looked away. He was still reeling from Kyle’s hard-rejection the day before, but he wanted to take this as a good sign.

“We seriously have to stop.”

“I _know_ …”

“I’m _serious_.”

“And Kyle, I’m _seriously_ obsessed with you, so just _fuck_ me already.”

He couldn’t help it. Kyle moved in, lips colliding with Cartman’s, so hard, that he fell on top of him. It was amazing; they’d only avoided each other for two days, but it felt like it had been ten years, with all the sexual tension that had built-up between the two. He started taking Cartman’s coat off, while Cartman reached for the bottom of his pyjama top, pulling it up and over his head, taking his hat off with it.

Cartman pulled his lips away, reaching-up to play with Kyle’s hair. “You’re beautiful, Kyle. You know that, _right?_ ”

Kyle turned redder than his hair. “Not _now_. Not in the middle of fucking.” He reached downward, pulling the bottom of Cartman’s shirt upwards and off.

“I can’t help it,” said Cartman, with a smirk. He pinched Kyle’s cheek, and Kyle swatted his hand away.

“You’re so fucking _obnoxious_.” He moved downward, sucking on Cartman’s chest, moving further down his body. Cartman let-out a loud sigh, so _fucking_ thankful that Kyle had actually let him come over.

“Where’s the lube?”

“The _kosher_ kind?”

“I hate you.”

“Hush, Kyle, _baby_.” Cartman batted his eyes. “I left it in your drawer.”

Kyle reached over his chest, digging through his stuff, until he found the way-too-familiar tube. He positioned himself over Cartman’s body, straddling his hips. The other boys bulge rubbed up against his, sending his body into overdrive. He practically tore-off the buckle on Cartman’s pants, sliding them off, along with his boxers.

“Oh, _Kyle_ …” Cartman muttered.

Kyle lubed-up his hands, then laid back on top, reaching downwards with one hand, for Cartman’s dick. His other hand flew to Cartman’s shoulder, positioning himself. He applied pressure to the cock, rubbing his hands over it, repeatedly, applying more to the tip, then running back over it. Cartman moaned. Kyle’s skin up against his felt so good, and so _real_. He sucked on Kyle’s collarbone, feeling so greedy, now that he finally had him back where he wanted him.

“How’s _that_ , fatass?”

“ _Harder_ , Kyle.” Cartman panted. _“Faster.”_

Kyle could feel his own erection growing, but he knew Cartman would be all too eager to take care of it for him afterwards, anyway. He massaged the other boy’s dick, working his fingers over it, back and forth, harder, applying as much pressure as he could. He remembered, weeks ago, when he had first sucked Cartman’s dick, the lengths he went to start it out uncomfortably. To bother him. But now, he wanted to be as gentle as possible, while still providing pleasure.

Oh, how things had changed.

“Kyle…keep _going_ …”

“ _God_ , just _come_ already,” said Kyle, working him up, further. “It’s almost your turn.”

 _“Let…me…”_ Cartman breathed. He wanted nothing more than Kyle’s dick, but he also just wanted Kyle in general, as a whole.

Still, his dick was most appealing at the moment.

He and Kyle moved onto their sides; Cartman reaching downwards for the lube. It was tough to do, while his own body was shaking so hard, but Kyle had taken a break from rubbing his dick, so Cartman could lube up.

He then reached back down, sliding down his boxers, and taking Kyle’s dick in his hands. “You’re so fucking hard.”

“Well, _do_ something about it.” Kyle snapped, reaching in to deliver a quick kiss, then wrapping his own hands back around the other boy’s cock.

Cartman applied pressure back onto Kyle’s hardened dick, starting-off slowly, and building-up a speed as he went on. It was a bit tough to do so, while Kyle did the same. They had to position their bodies more complicatedly, but the pleasure was worth the special effort.

Cartman came first, leaking all over Kyle’s hands.

“ _Sick_ , dude!” Kyle exclaimed. He rubbed it onto his sheets, knowing those would be going into the washing machine, immediately after. For the time being, he focused on Cartman’s hands, wrapped around his dick, working it in, and building him up to an orgasm.

“How’s _that_ , Jew-boy?”

“Go fucking _faster_.” Kyle breathed. _“Fatass.”_

Cartman applied stronger pressure, still fucking around and teasing at his tip. It usually took longer to build Kyle up to a climax, because he was stubborn and resistant. When he finally came, Cartman felt even more satisfied. Knowing he could sexually satisfy Kyle was sexually gratifying in _itself_. He grabbed a tissue from the bedside table, wiping his hands off, and lying down, beside a panting Kyle.

Cartman sat on his side, facing Kyle, who was lying down, and watching the ceiling. He bit his lip. “I missed you _so much_.”

Kyle scoffed. “It’s only been like, two days… _less_ than that.”

“Yeah, but…I _missed_ you, Kyle.”

Kyle moved in, kissing him, knowing how incredibly wrong it was. They both had dance-dates. He’d finally broken it off. But self-sabotage was clearly his forte, and obviously Cartman’s too, as he kissed Kyle back, trying to forget about the heartbreaking things he’d said, just a day ago.

 _“Cartman…”_ Kyle sighed. “This has to be the last time.”

“Yeah, sure.” Cartman smirked, lazily tracing a finger down Kyle’s jawline. “You really wanna stop meeting, late nights like this?”

 _“No.”_ Kyle admitted in a whisper, but he then pushed Cartman’s hand away. _“…yes.”_

“Come _on_ , Kyle,” Cartman said, seductively. He couldn’t keep his hands off of him. “I know you don’t wanna stop.”

 _“No.”_ Kyle insisted. “Cartman, this is the _end_.”

Cartman was upset. He wanted to fight, he wanted to _plead_ for Kyle, he would do anything for him, at that point. But he remembered Bebe. He remembered the plan. And he remembered that angry look in Kyle’s eyes, the moment he saw him, walking down the halls with Bebe. Bebe, who Kyle didn’t care about _at all_.

He had been jealous. And that was reassuring enough for him.

“Alright, then…” Cartman leaned-in, kissing Kyle again. Kyle kissed back at first, then pushing Cartman off of him.

“ _No_ , Cartman,” he said, with a glare. “This is _over_.”

 _“Fine!”_ Cartman crawled-out of bed, throwing his clothes back on. “I don’t _care!_ ”

_“Good!”_

Cartman dared to sneak a glance at his now, _ex-lover_ , before leaving, but Kyle didn’t look back. He was turned the other way around. He just couldn’t get a read on him.

Cartman made his way back home, wiping away a few straw tears, as he went. He really had to buck-up and stop being so soft, when it came to Kyle…especially because he knew, that deep down, Kyle wanted him _right_ back. He had to power through the next day…show Kyle he _was_ replaceable. He would give him the chance to realize all he’d done wrong.

If Kyle didn’t realize it by then…Cartman didn't know what he’d do. How long would it take to completely get _over_ , Kyle? After all, he was the first person he’d ever, truly _loved_ and it had been over _seven years_ by then. Kyle was the _only_ one to care and he was like no other.

How did you get over someone like that?

 

* * *

 

“Your tie is supposed to match my _dress!_ ”

Cartman and Bebe were having issues already, and she’d only shown-up 15 minutes earlier.

The “problem”…if it was even a _“problem”_ , at _all_ …was that Cartman’s tie, “clashed” with her dress, said dress being some kind of fancy, red-silk, off-shoulder thing, that Cartman deemed, much too complicated. Girls were weird.

“My tie is _red_.” He glared. “Your dress is _red_. How, the _fuck_ , is that not matching?!”

“That’s _mahogany!_ ”

“It’s _red!_ ”

“No, it’s _not!_ ”

“This is _retarded!_ ”

Bebe rolled her eyes. “Show me your closet. You must have at least, _one_ , other tie.”

He grumbled to himself. Bebe was such a drama queen, which probably said a lot coming from _him_. He hoped that her bullshit was worth it. If his plan to make Kyle jealous failed, he would have just wasted an entire evening stressing-out over a _tie_.

“I’m pretty sure Kyle won’t give a shit about your tie.” Cartman mumbled.

“I still wanna look _good!_ ” Bebe hissed. “If I’m going to the dance with _you_ , I need to put in extra effort.”

“Okay, fuck _you_.”

_“Fatass.”_

Huh. Even in terms of bickering and name-calling, he _still_ preferred Kyle.

“I’m not even that fat anymore, _goddammit_.” Cartman dug through his closet. Bebe started searching on the floor, then picking-up an older notebook, near the corner of the closet. “Uh, what are you _doing?_ ”

“What’s _this?_ ” she asked, flipping through it. Cartman instantly recognized it as his old fourth grade diary. “Geez, Kyle’s name is in here a _lot_.”

“What the _fuck?!_ ” he snatched it from her hands. “Don’t fucking _touch_ that!”

“What is that?”

 _“Nothing.”_ He glared, hoping she hadn’t stumbled upon any of its more PG-13 material. “Jesus _Christ_ …”

“Why are you so obsessed with Kyle?”

“I’m not obsessed with _Kyle!_ ” he snapped. “Why are _you_ , so obsessed with _Kyle?_ ”

“I’m _not!_ ” she glared. “I just think he’s cute, Jesus, _you’re_ the one writing _love-poems_ about him.”

 _“What?”_ he blinked, the blood draining from his face.

“I was just _kidding_ , fatass. Or, do you actually sit around, writing _love-poems_ about Kyle?”

 _“NO!”_ he fumed. _“Goddammit!”_ Cartman dug faster through his drawer, throwing a few ties at Bebe, who blocked them with her hands.

“Calm the fuck _down!_ ” she huffed. “Oh, this one, right here! It’s _perfect!_ ”

 _“Really?”_ he breathed, hoping the subject would finally stray from Kyle. “You finally found one you like?”

“Yeah, this is _perfect!_ ” she smiled. “Okay, Cartman, we’re good to go. This might actually be fun!”

“Thank _god_.” He rolled his eyes.

The two sat on the couch and played video games for a short while, waiting for Wendy’s limo to arrive. Around 7, they finally pulled-up.

“Oh, thank _god_.” Cartman huffed, shutting-off his XBOX. “You suck at this game, Bebe.”

“Fuck off!”

“Are you leaving now, _snookums?_ ”

Liane approached the two before they could leave.

“Oh, _god_.” Cartman rolled his eyes. “Hey, Mom.”

“You look _adorable!_ ” she said, admiring the two. “Bebe, you remind me of myself, when I was your age.”

“Uh… _thanks_ , Ms. Cartman.”

“Could I get a picture before you leave, Eric?” she asked. “You both look so _cute_.”

“Fine, Mom, you can take a picture.”

She snapped a few shots, of the two looking equally unamused, before they escaped outside, and into the limo.

Stan and Wendy occupied one side. Sure enough, Stan’s tie looked custom-made to match with Wendy’s dress. Cartman thought she had him _beyond_ whipped, but he couldn’t really talk, when he’d literally _die_ for Kyle. Kenny passed around a flask, already a bit tipsy, not to anyone’s shock. Red was sitting beside him, looking slightly unamused.

“Gimme that,” said Bebe, reaching for the flask. She took a long swig.

“Bebe, don’t drink too much, or you won’t be able to get into the dance!” Wendy was a major-worrier.

“Whatever.”

 _“Where’s_ Kyle? _”_ quietly asked Kenny, nudging Cartman.

Cartman grinned, looking away. “Probably at home. Eating his _heart_ out.” He almost wished Kyle would be traveling with them to the dance, so that he could see Cartman now. He’d really dressed-up for the occasion, putting more effort into his looks that day, accompanied by the hottest girl in their class. Kyle would be _seething_.

So, Cartman was beyond confused, when the limo took a detour, towards a street he wasn’t too familiar with.

“Uh, where are we _going?_ ”

“We have to pick-up Nichole,” said Wendy.

“And _Token?_ ” Cartman hadn’t paid much attention to Token and Nichole for a long time, as he had _other_ people who he dedicated more of his time towards, but he still took pride in the fact it had been _him_ who set them up. Even if, at the time, it had been motivated by his own subtle form of racism. He had seen them hanging-out with each other, around school, and assumed they were still a couple. He _revelled_ in it.

“What, have you been living under a _rock?_ ” asked Wendy. “They’ve been broken-up for _years_.”

 _“What?!”_ he scowled. “But they’re always together!”

“You can be friends with your exes, _Eric_. Not everyone’s relationships end as destructively as yours.”

He knew she wasn’t referring to Kyle, but she might as well have been.

They pulled-up at the house at last. Wendy texted Nichole, letting her know they had arrived.

“If Nichole isn’t dating Token, who’s she going to the fucking _dance_ , with?!” asked Cartman.

“Hey, guys.”

 _Kyle fucking Broflovski._ It was Kyle _fucking_ Broflovski. Cartman’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor, watching him help Nichole into the back of the limo.

 _“What?!”_ he asked, face twisting with anger.

Kyle had been trying to avoid his stare, but shot back with a glare of warning.

“ _Nichole!_ You went with the yellow dress.”

 _“Yeah!”_ she laughed. “I just didn’t feel like myself in blue.”

Cartman had expected to be the one playing Kyle. That was the plan; take-out Bebe, show Kyle he didn’t _need_ him, and Kyle would come running _right_ back to him. He had _not_ anticipated _this_ part, especially considering the fact that Kyle must have asked Nichole out _in advance_ , meaning they’d hooked-up the night before, with Kyle still planning to _date_ her.

 _“Motherfucker.”_ He muttered to himself. And the worst part was, Kyle was at his very _hottest_ , in a suit and tie — that did, in fact, match Nichole’s dress — and extra effort had been put in, to tame his wild red curls. Goddamn, did Cartman ever feel _gay_ , whenever he got a glimpse of Kyle. There were four hot girls in his presence and still, he only wanted _Kyle_. He wanted to scream, kick, throw a damn fit; it wasn’t _fair_ that Kyle could take it all away from him and not even let him get in a solid revenge. He just wanted him to see what he’d be missing, but the reverse had happened real fast, and he was _angry_. Cartman was even tempted at that point, to reveal what had happened, just 15 hours before. Let Nichole know, her _dream-boy_ had been kissing him and rubbing-up on his cock, merely _hours_ before, but he also didn’t want the others to know he was desperately in love with _Kyle_ , so he kept his mouth shut.

Bebe elbowed him, speaking in a harsh whisper. “What the _fuck_ , Cartman, Kyle’s going-out with _Nichole?!_ ”

Oh, shit. This was falling apart _fast_. “Uh, _yeah_.”

“The whole point of us going together, was to make him jealous, but he’s going with _Nichole?!_ ”

“So _what?!_ ”

“So, if Kyle is going-out with someone _else_ …there’s no point of _us_ , going together.” she hissed.

“Yes, there is!” It was hard to argue so quietly, but luckily, the other couples were keeping to themselves. “Kyle doesn’t _really_ like Nichole. He just asked her out, because when he found-out I was taking _you_ …he got _jealous_.”

She narrowed her eyes. _“Really?”_

“Yeah, _duh_ , you saw how fucking _pissed_ he got the other day.”

Bebe nodded. “Yeah…you’re _right_ …”

“Yeah. So our plan is working-out _perfectly_.” He sighed, hoping this would convince Bebe not to drop him. The only thing worse than Kyle arriving with a date, would be him arriving with a date, and watching Bebe _dump_ him.

Bebe shook her head, rolling her eyes. “Kyle better be worth all this bullshit.”

 _“He is.”_ Cartman sighed to himself, watching Kyle carry-out pleasant-sounding conversation with Nichole. For a brief moment he wondered, if he was a girl, would Kyle be more open to a more romantic relationship with him?

It wasn’t worth even thinking about.

 _“What?”_ asked Bebe.

“Uh…I didn’t say anything.”

_“Sure.”_

Cartman’s eyes continued wandering to Kyle, who tried to ignore them. When they did lock eyes, Kyle turned red, glared and turned back to Nichole. He seemed to want nothing to do with him anymore.

But that would never stop Cartman from trying.

 

* * *

 

Kyle was surprisingly impressed at how nice the gymnasium looked. Just a day again, it had still smelled like BO and old laundry, so the dance committee had clearly put a lot of work into the final result. There were tables around the outskirts of the gym, where people arriving in groups could sit, with heart-shaped candies and balloons at each one. They had hired a DJ and strobe-lights filled the gym. And, the terrible gym-odour was gone. So, overall, not terribly bad for a school dance.

 _“Wow.”_ Stan commented.

“It took _hours_ to set-up a stage for the DJ,” said Wendy, still sounding a little stressed. “And the heart-shaped balloons were over-budget, but…I think we did a good job.”

“Yeah, _anyways_ ,” said Cartman, grabbing Bebe’s hand. “Me and Bebe are gonna go dance. Later, _assholes_.”

She rolled her eyes and was a bit resistant, but followed him.

“I didn’t know Bebe was into Cartman.” Nichole blinked.

“Don’t ask, because I don’t understand it either, but—” Wendy sighed. “She’s _not_ into him.”

“Yeah, and _vice versa_.” Kyle glared, arms crossed.

“What do you mean?” asked Nichole. Kenny gave Kyle, what he  _thought_ was a suspicious look, although he was already a bit drunk, so it could have just been a normal look, but… _drunk_.

Kyle shrugged. “It’s nothing. Let’s go dance.”

The others opted to sit down first, as Kenny was trying to sober-up and Wendy was still stressing-out about the lighting in the gym.

The minute the first slow song came on, though, they were up on the floor. Cartman smirked to himself. He was going to make sure Kyle saw him dancing _thisclose_ to somebody else.

He pulled Bebe in closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

“What the fuck are you _doing?!_ ” she hissed.

“Shut-up, _Bebe_ , don’t you wanna make Kyle jealous?”

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, still irate. _“Jesus.”_

Kyle was more hesitant with Nichole, not wanting to put too much pressure on her, or come off as fake, even if he was… _sort of_ , using her to prove a point to Cartman.

“You seem shy.” she laughed.

“Oh, _um_ …” he stuttered. He’d been watching Cartman and Bebe. “Sorry.”

“Come here,” she said, moving in closer, so that they were face-to-face, arms wrapped around his neck. The last person he’d been that close to was Cartman. “See? Better.”

“Yeah.” he smiled.

Cartman was fuming. How was he supposed to make Kyle jealous, when he wasn’t even facing his way? He scoffed loudly.

_“What?”_

“That motherfucker isn’t even looking _over_ , here!”

She pulled her head off his shoulder, turning around. “Wow. _They_ seem close.”

“Whatever, Kyle doesn’t even like her.”

“They look pretty close to _me!_ ” Bebe glared.

“Why do you sound so _jealous_ , Bebe? I thought you just wanted Kyle for sex.”

“Why do _you_ sound so jealous?” Bebe narrowed her eyes.

His left eye twitched. “I am not _jealous_.”

“You sure?”

Kyle was distracted. He didn’t want to be, and he tried to focus on Nichole as much as he possibly could, but he found himself trying to sneak glances at Cartman. Or staring at his own feet.

“You okay?” Nichole asked.

He felt bad. He didn’t want her to think that his own, weird, _fucked-up_ feelings, were because of her. “Yeah, sorry. I’m fine.”

Nichole turned around. Cartman was staring, but he turned away, the minute they locked eyes. Kyle glared at him.

She knew that _something_ was up.

When the dance ended, the four went back to their table.

“Wendy, why are you still stressing over the dance?” asked Nichole.

“You don’t understand,” she said, pulling at her hair. “I only have _ten_ people on cleaning crew afterwards, and—”

“Okay, I am _so_ fucking tired of hearing about the dance committee. It looks great in here and we’ll figure it out later.” Bebe grabbed Wendy’s hand. “Let’s go dance.”

The others all got up, to get back out on the floor, but Kyle and Cartman stayed behind. Cartman was overly-indulging in the candies left for their table, and Kyle was too emotionally exhausted to follow. He snuck a glance at Cartman, who was slightly pigging-out, nothing _new_ , yet it irritated him more than it usually would have.

“Do you have to eat _all_ of those?” he snapped.

Cartman narrowed his eyes at Kyle. “Fuck off, _Kyle_.”

“You’re such a _fatass_.”

“That’s not what you were _moaning_ last night.”

Kyle turned red. “ _God_ , would you _shut-up?!_ ”

“Nice of you to bring Nichole,” said Cartman, looking away. “Did you tell her about the special night we shared?”

Kyle seethed. “ _No_. Did you tell _Bebe?_ ”

“Yeah.”

_“WHAT?!”_

“Jesus _Christ_ , Kyle, chill- _out_ , I was _joking!_ ”

“That’s not funny!”

“No, Kyle, you’re right. It’s _serious_. Just like _you_ , and _me_ , and these past few weeks.” Cartman insisted.

“Cartman, we are _not_ doing this here.”

“Then, where, Kyle? _When?_ ”

“When? _Never_.” Kyle hissed, under his breathe. “Cartman, this is _it_. End of discussion.”

“Why?”

“Because, _fuck you_.”

“You already _did_ , _Kyle_.”

“Shut the fuck _up!_ ”

Leading the others away from the gym’s “dance floor”, Nichole brought the group over to the wall, opposite to their table.

 _“Guys.”_ she hesitated. “I know I don’t hang-out with all of you that often, but…is there something wrong with _Kyle?_ ”

“What do you mean?” asked Stan.

“He seems _distracted_ ,” she said. “He keeps staring at Cartman and Bebe.”

“Oh, _that_.” Bebe rolled her eyes. “Yeah, Cartman is such an asshole. He’s purposely trying to piss Kyle off.”

“Why?”

“I dunno.” Bebe shrugged. “They hate each other.”

“We’ve been dealing with their bullshit forever.” Stan rolled his eyes.

 _“You guys are fucking_ retarded _if you think it’s that simple.”_ Kenny hiccuped.

“Are you seriously still _drunk?!_ ” asked Stan.

 _“No.”_ Kenny insisted.

“Don’t take it personally, Nichole,” said Wendy. “It’s far too complicated to explain. Just talk to Kyle.”

“Yeah. Kyle is complex.” Bebe smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nichole asked.

“Yeah, Bebe, you’re acting _weird_.” Wendy glared.

 _“Fine.”_ Bebe bit her lip, reaching for the flask, from Kenny’s hand. They were lucky to have snuck it inside. “I’m only at the dance with Cartman, because he convinced me that if we went together…it would make Kyle jealous, and then he’d hook-up with me.”

 _“What?!”_ Wendy glared. “Why would you ever agree to do something so _stupid?!_ ”

 _“I dunno!”_ she said, tagging a swig. “Kyle’s never been into me before, I figured he was onto something.”

“Do you even _like_ Kyle?!” asked Wendy.

“I don’t wanna marry him or anything, but have you seen his _ass?_ God, I’d like to just fucking _bite_ —”

“No. _No_. No way, dude.” Stan interrupted her. “I don’t wanna hear that about my best-friend. For _fuck’s_ sake.”

“You could have just _asked_ him!” said Wendy. “Now you’re making it awkward for Nichole!”

“No, it’s okay, guys,” said Nichole. “I was just wondering. It’s not really a big deal. I’m just getting out of a relationship, and he seems… _preoccupied_ , anyways.”

They peered back at the table, where Cartman and Kyle were still refusing to speak, Cartman absentmindedly twiddling with his thumbs, and Kyle pretending to check his phone. You could cut the tension with a _knife_.

 _“You guys,_ really _don’t fucking get it?!”_ asked Kenny.

“ _I_ get it,” said Wendy.

“Get _what?_ ” asked Stan.

 _“You know…our_ bet. _”_ whispered Kenny.

“No. Come on, Kenny, that’s _bullshit_.”

“What bet?” asked Bebe and Nichole.

 _“Nothing,”_ they replied, in unison.

A slow song started-up again.

“What now?” asked Nichole.

“I’m staying-out of it,” said Wendy. “This whole situation is just adding to my stress level.”

Nichole grabbed the flask from Bebe, passing it to Red, who had been on her phone nearly the entire time. She was less than impressed with Kenny’s level of sobriety. “Come on,” she said. “Let’s just go have fun.”

“Thank- _god_ , I’m getting tipsy,” said Bebe.

Nichole approached their table, grabbing Kyle by the shoulders. “What’s up?”

 _“Oh,”_ he said, being lifted from a trance of heavy, Cartman-dominated thoughts. The fact that they’d been able to sit in silence so long was incredible, but then again, they were both insanely stubborn too. “Uh, nothing.”

“Come _on_ ,” she said, pulling at his sleeve. “Let’s dance.”

The speakers were playing some recent love song, yet, obviously, Cartman wasn’t into it. Drunk-Bebe was more into dancing than _regular_ -Bebe, but still his eyes remained on Kyle. His suit, perfectly fit his slender, but athletic build. His hair was more tame than usual, but still bright red and beautiful. He wanted to rest his own head down on Kyle’s perfect shoulders. Nichole was leaning up against his chest, but Cartman wished it was him.

Kyle wasn’t focused on dancing. He was so irritated with Cartman, but he knew that at the end of the day, Cartman was right. He wanted him. It was irrational, stupid, maybe even _wrong_ , but he couldn’t help himself from having those feelings.

Maybe he could have. Maybe they would have been avoidable, if he’d just said ‘no’ to Cartman, after he’d suggested that ridiculous bet, but he’d always just wanted the two of them to get along, as they aged. He could claim to hate Eric Cartman all he wanted, but his actions said otherwise. How he’d gone from purposely sabotaging Cartman, to saving his life once or twice, to actually developing romantic feelings for him, he didn’t understand, but it had happened.

 _“Kyle…”_ hesitated Nichole, watching his eyes continue to wander upon the other couple. “Do you have a crush on… _Bebe?_ ”

He wasn’t paying attention, as they swayed. _“Who?”_

Nichole pulled her head off of his shoulder. “ _Bebe_ …Bebe _Stevens_ …who we’ve known since elementary school. You’ve known her even longer than _me_.”

“Oh, yeah, _right_ ,” he said. “ _Bebe_. What _about_ , Bebe?”

“Uh…do you have a crush on her?” Nichole asked. “It’s okay to be honest with me.”

“What? _No_ , I’m not into Bebe.” He snuck another glance at Cartman, who was much closer now, as they had swayed further onto the floor.

Nichole turned around again, locking eyes with Cartman. The were so close now. He turned red, hurriedly averting his eyes. _“Ohhh…_ ” she said. “ _Now_ , I get it.”

“Get _what?_ ”

“Kyle, we’re just here as friends… _right?_ ” she asked. “Because if so, that’s totally fine…”

“Nichole, I’m so sorry if I’ve been distracted tonight.” Kyle sighed. “I’ve just been a little… _scattered_ , lately.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” she smiled, the two still swaying. “I’m having fun. We’re just here to have fun, _right?_ ”

 _“Right.”_ He smiled back, then accidentally bumping into someone behind him.

“Hey, _watch_ it!” the girl turned around. Bebe. “Oh, _hi_ , Kyle! Your ass is _fiiiiine_ , boy.”

 _“HEY!”_ glared Cartman, feeling possessive…even if Kyle wasn’t _his_ to be possessive over. “Don’t talk about _Kyle,_ that… _way_ …uh… _ew_ …” The perfect cover-up.

“Mind if I cut in?” asked Nichole, switching partners with Bebe.

 _“Please do.”_ Bebe mumbled, immediately resting her head on Kyle’s shoulder. He winced.

Nichole turned around, placing her arms over Cartman’s, swaying back and forth again.

_“So…”_

“Why did you and Token break-up?” he blurted.

“Oh… _wow_ …” she sighed. “Eric, that was _years_ ago. We only really “dated”, in elementary school.”

 _“Oh.”_ he looked away. Kyle caught a glimpse of him and Nichole, pulling Bebe closer towards his body, for emphasis. Cartman seethed.

“ _Cartman_ …can I ask you a personal question?”

“Uh… _sure_ , Nichole.”

“Do you have feelings for Kyle?”

He nearly choked. _“What?!”_

“Back in the fourth grade…that lie about dating him, and the basketball game…that was _real_ , wasn’t it? The way you felt about him, I mean.”

 _“NO!”_ he blushed. “That was just part of my plan, to—”

“—set me and Token up, I know that. Kyle told me.” she explained. “But there have been a few rumours lately, all over school, and then, you brought Bebe as a date, just to upset _Kyle_ , you two have been staring at each other the entire dance, Kyle just seems so _distracted…_ ”

“Kyle seems… _distracted_ , to you?” Cartman hesitated. _“Really?”_

“Yeah.” she nodded. “Look, I know none of this is any of my business, but I mean…I kinda watched this all happen, so…if you do need someone to talk to about it, I’m here. I know it must be hard having feelings for another guy.”

Goddammit, even _Nichole_ was onto them.

“If you really wanna help, Nichole…help me make Kyle _jealous_.”

“Why? _How?_ ”

“It’s complicated.” He simplified. “Just go along with it, _please?_ ”

“Well, alright, then.”

She really played it up, resting her head onto Cartman’s shoulder. He swayed her back and forth, making sure Kyle had a full glimpse of the two.

It was something that seemed so small, but Kyle was about to _lose_ it. Cartman was right. How was he _right?_ How did he actually want to just _run_ , as fast as he _possibly_ could over to Cartman, and take him _right fucking there?_ How did it _happen?_ Even watching him _pretend_ with a girl, made his heart ache. He needed to change that, _fast_.

“Bebe,” he said, stroking her hair. _“Bebe?”_

She moved her head back up. _“Yeah?”_

“You like me, _right?_ You think I’m _hot?_ ”

“Yeah, _duh_.” She rolled her eyes, still a bit tipsy. “You’re pretty hot.”

 _“Great,”_ he said, moving-in to kiss her. Bebe kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck. Whether her feelings were sincere, or she was just _drunk_ , or _horny_ , was questionable, but the spectacle was enough to make Cartman’s stomach _drop_.

 _“What?”_ Nichole asked. “What’s _wrong?_ ” She turned around, watching Kyle and Bebe finish kissing. “Oh my _god_.”

 _“WHAT?!”_ Cartman blinked. He felt his whole body grow cold, and wanted to throw-up. Fuck it, he knew it was possessive to think, but _fuck it_ , he didn’t want _anyone else’s_ lips on Kyle’s. He didn’t want _anyone else_ to be held by Kyle that way. And it actually wasn’t a possessive feeling either, it was just the physical pain that came with bad heartache and Kyle had really, _really_ crossed a line he never _thought_ he’d cross.

Kyle himself, was shocked at his own actions, but maybe the only way he’d actually get over Cartman, was by kissing as many girls as he could. He didn’t think anything would work at that point, but shit, if Cartman got the message and he would be cured, _it was worth it_.

“Oh, _wow_.” Bebe giggled. “Thanks, Kyle.”

Cartman let go of Nichole. He made his way over to Kyle, holding back tears, replacing them with anger.

“What do _you_ , want?!” Kyle snapped, locking eyes with Cartman.

_“We need to talk!”_

“There’s nothing to _talk_ about!” Kyle yelled through the music.

“Why are you _torturing_ me?!” Cartman fumed.

Kyle glared, letting go of Bebe. _“Fine,”_ he said, through gritted teeth, pulling him out, into the hallway.

The doors slammed behind them. They were finally alone again. It was dim-lit and quiet, with the booming sound of muffled music, still coming from inside the gym. Neither wanted to talk first, but Cartman figured he’d try.

“What the fuck are you _doing_ to me?!”

It was less like talking, and more like _yelling_.

“What are you _talking_ about?!” asked Kyle, evading the obvious.

“Making-out with _Bebe?!_ Fucking, _BEBE?!_ You don’t even fucking _like_ her!”

“So _what_ , _Cartman?_ ” hissed Kyle. “I’ve been doing a lot more than just _kissing_ , with people I don’t even _like_ , as of lately.”

“Don’t… _say_ that!” yelled Cartman. “Don’t _lie_ to me, Kyle, we both know the truth!”

“There is no _“truth”_ , Cartman!” Kyle insisted, running-out of breath. “I _don’t_ wanna _be_ with you! I don’t _like_ you! _It’s not like that!_ ”

“Well, that’s not _fair!_ ” said Cartman. “It’s not fair, because, you said, what we had…you said it was _real!_ Wednesday night, Kyle, I will _never_ forget that!”

“You should _try_ to forget it, because it wasn’t real!” Kyle yelled. “We got caught-up! We said things we never should have said! Cartman, we’ve been through this, _so_ many times, I can’t _do_ this anymore!”

“Yeah, well, neither can I!” Cartman’s voice shook. “Because, Kyle, I’m in _love_ with you, and I don’t know what to do! I _love_ you and I’m scared, and you told me it was real and it’s not _fair_ to me!”

Kyle felt his heartbeat fasten. “Don’t look at me like that,” he said. He could feel himself on the brink of tears. “Don’t say that. _Please_ , Cartman, don’t say that.”

“No, it’s _true!_ ” he said, collapsing onto the floor, leaning up against a locker. “I’m scared. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but Kyle, you have to believe me. You’ve ruined me. I don’t know who I am anymore. You changed me.”

“And me making you into a better person, is what…a _bad_ thing?!”

“That’s not what I meant!” glared Cartman. “You’ve turned me all soft and I don’t know what to do! It’s fucking me up!”

Kyle’s own voice started to shake. “All I ever wanted from you, was an apology. I just wanted us to get along. I just wanted it to be okay.”

“I _did_ apologize!” he insisted. “Kyle, I’m being serious!”

“How can I even _tell_ with you? How can I tell you’re being honest, when you apologize, and then turn around and _lie?!_ I mean, the entire reason we’re in this fucked-up situation, is because of an immature fucking _bet_ , that was _your_ idea. This is just too typical!”

“I _know!_ ” said Cartman. “I know, it’s crazy, but Kyle, everything is different now!”

“You’ve been doing this kinda bullshit since we were kids.” Kyle sighed, shakily. “You know I’ve always wanted to trust you, Cartman. I put my trust in you, too many times, just to be betrayed, or let down. I can’t _trust_ you. I feel so _stupid_. You just let me down, every time.”

Cartman looked down. “I don’t know what to say.”

“And then on top of _lying_ , you do vindictive things like…like, bringing _Bebe_ to the dance with you,” said Kyle. _“Why?”_

“So, you _are_ jealous!”

“Of _course_ , I am!” Kyle glared. “Of _course_ , I’m fucking _jealous!_ ”

“Then why did you tell me you were lying about Wednesday night?!”

“You don’t think I’m scared, _too?_ ” asked Kyle. “I shouldn’t love you, at all. But I keep falling for your fucking tricks. I keep _falling_ for you. And can you even _imagine_ what would happen if we were… _together?_ Do you know what people would _say?!_ What about my _parents?!_ Our _friends?!_ Don’t you understand what would _happen?!_ ”

“I don’t give a fuck about any of them, Kyle, I only care about _you!_ ”

“Yeah, well, I _do_ ,” said Kyle, his heart aching. “And I know, that deep down inside, you do too.”

“I _don’t_ care!” Cartman stood-up from the floor, defending himself. “Kyle, I don’t give a fuck what the others think about it!”

“You’re so full of shit!” Kyle yelled. “You care about your pride more than _anyone_ , I have _ever_ met, Cartman, _you would care!_ ”

“No, I _wouldn’t!_ ”

 _“Bullshit!”_ Kyle choked. “That’s _bullshit!_ ”

“I had no problem lying and telling everyone we were dating back in fourth grade, so why would I have a problem _now?!_ ”

“Because, this is _different_ …this is…”

_“Real?”_

“I don’t know,” said Kyle. He wiped away a few angry tears. “I can’t trust you, and Cartman, I know you too well. This is probably all one big _joke_ to you.”

“You think this is all a _joke_ , to me?” Cartman narrowed his eyes. “You’re wrong, Kyle.”

“You’re full of shit,” Kyle said, letting out a shaky breath. “Fucking prove it, to me, Cartman. _Prove_ to me, that _somehow_ , this isn’t a joke, and that I can trust you.”

He didn’t know what to say or do.

 _“Yeah.”_ Kyle turned, walking away. “That’s what I thought.”

And that’s when he got the idea. _Fourth grade._ The most, if only, _truly_ , romantic thing he had _ever_ done — even if it had been done under false pretences — it was the only way he could think to prove himself.

And he was _very_ determined to prove himself.

Cartman grabbed Kyle by the elbow, dragging him back into the dance.

“What are you _doing?!_ ” Kyle hissed, rolling his eyes.

“Proving it.”

“Wait, _WHAT?!_ ”

Cartman let go of Kyle’s arm, making his way to the stage, where the DJ and a microphone, for announcements, had been set-up. The moment Kyle realized what he was doing, the panic set in.

“DON’T DO THIS, _CARTMAN!_ ” he warned. “I SWEAR TO FUCKING _GOD!_ ”

Cartman approached the microphone, clearing his throat. Kyle could feel his body shaking. He was half angry, half anxious, to see whatever Cartman was about to say or do, because so far, his actions seemed way too familiar.

The others caught-up with Kyle, on the floor.

“What is he _doing?_ ” Stan rolled his eyes.

“CARTMAN, _PLEASE!_ ” Kyle glared. “Oh, my fucking, _god_ …”

“Kyle, _what is he doing?_ ” asked Stan, again.

“Oh!” said Nichole. “No way! Is he _really_ , gonna—?”

 _“He’s really gonna fucking do this.”_ Kenny blinked. _“Jesus_  Christ, _Kyle, you’re_ fucked _, dude.”_

“Am I the _only_ one who has no idea what anyone is _talking_ about?!” Stan glared.

Cartman cleared his throat again, signalling for the DJ to turn down the music. The focus was finally all on him.

“Eric, what are you _doing?!_ ” shouted Mr. Garrison, from the crowd.

“I’ll only be a minute, Mr. Garrison,” said Cartman. “I have to make an announcement.”

“I _BELIEVE_ YOU, _CARTMAN!_ ” Kyle shouted. “JUST _SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ ”

“No, Kyle,” he said, gripping tightly onto the microphone. “I _have_ to do this.”

“He has to do _what?!_ ” asked Stan.

“Don’t listen, you guys, _please!_ ” Kyle insisted.

_Too late._

“For a long time, I’ve been in denial.” Cartman started. “But, recently, something happened. No, _someone_ happened, to me. Someone, who changed my _entire_ life.”

“Oh, _god_.” Kyle rolled his eyes.

“For years, and years, I was a miserable child. I said and did, a _lot_ of things wrong. And I have many regrets.” He sighed. “And I realize, now, it was all because I was in _denial_. I wronged this person, so many times, because I didn’t understand my own _feelings_ , towards them. But that all changed, the first time we _kissed_.”

Kyle turned red. “I’m going to fucking _kill_ him.”

“Kyle…I really do, _love_ you. I’ve been in love with you, for a _long_ time. Maybe most of my life.” the crowd oohed, and Kyle stared at the floor. The DJ had turned on a slow song, and the lights were pink and dreamy. It was overly dramatic, but then again, so was Cartman.

“And I know, you love me too, Kyle! When we hooked-up last night, we didn’t just have sex, we made _love_. I never wanna let that _go!_ ”

“This is completely inappropriate, _Eric!_ ” Garrison shouted.

“Made _love?!_ ” Stan choked. “What the fuck is he _talking_ about, _Kyle?!_ ”

Kyle felt like the entire world was staring at him. He could have dropped dead, right there, on the spot.

“Listen, Kyle, I know this seems like a joke, to you,” said Cartman. “Like, I’m fucking around with your head, or lying, or playing some kind of trick on you. But I mean it, 100%, when I say that… _I love you_. You’re the only person I care about. Fuck everyone else, they can suck my asshole. You’re the only person, who’s ever cared enough to try to save me from myself. You’ve saved my life, more than once, and in more than just one way. And I didn’t realize it sooner, because I was such a fucking dick, but…I see it now.”

Kyle’s expression changed from angry, to something softer. Something about this, was very honest.

“I mean it when I say, I wanna be with you. Everything changed, because of you. Every love-song, is about you, Kyle, I don’t give a _fuck_ what anyone else thinks. I only care about _you_.” His voice slightly wavered. It was his tell, when it came to honesty. “I swear to you, I mean it, I really, really do, Kyle, this is for _real_. What we have, it’s for _real_. I love you…for _real_. And _nothing_ can change that.”

Kyle’s heart nearly pounded-out of his chest. He had completely softened-up. He was embarrassed that it was all being made so public, but at the same time, he so badly just wanted to _run_ to Cartman, which was such a _weird_ feeling, but in that moment, he knew it, 100%.

It was love.

It was _love_ , that they’d felt between them, shit, maybe it had _always_ been love. Hate was such a mysterious feeling, especially now that he realized, Cartman was being truthful: he had _always_ had these feelings for Kyle. It explained so much of their childhood. It explained so much of _him_ , as a _person_. He was damaged and confused. He hadn’t known how to express it, especially when those feelings weren’t considered “normal” and he didn’t _know_ how to love.

But it _scared_ him. The shocked looks he received from his friends, they _scared_ him. He’d thought that Cartman was the one between them, the most unable to cope, but shit, it was _him_.

“Okay, you can all stop watching, now. This was supposed to be _personal_ ,” said Cartman, turning red. “Jesus Christ, can you turn that _song_ down? It’s really fucking _gay_ , dude. Okay. Thanks.”

Stan turned to Kyle.

“Dude… _what is going on?_ ”

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to react. _He_ was in love, _Cartman_ was in love and it was all too much. It scared him.

_So Kyle left._

Cartman stepped away from the microphone. He peered into the crowd, looking for Kyle. He’d seen that look on his face. He knew he was feeling it too.

And yet, Kyle was running away.

“KYLE, _WAIT!_ ” he shouted, clumsily crawling-off the stage. He tried making his way through the crowd, but Kyle made it out of the doors, before he could catch-up to him. “Kyle, please, _fuck!_ ”

“Just _stop_ , Cartman.” Stan grabbed him by the elbow.

“Don’t touch me, _asshole!_ ” he tried pushing-off his grip, but Stan held on tightly.

“What is going _on?!_ ” he glared.

“Stay out of it, _Stan!_ ”

“I _knew_ you had a thing for Kyle,” said Bebe, taking another swig out of Kenny’s flask. “That diary gave it all away. And then, that speech.”

“What the fuck was _that?!_ ” demanded Stan. “Is _this_ why Kyle’s acting so fucking weird?!”

“Leave it alone, Stan, Kyle is _my_ problem!”

“Kyle is _my_ _best-friend_.” Stan glared. “So if you’re just fucking around with him, or trying to embarrass him, I swear to _god_ —”

 _“Fellas!”_ Butters pushed through the crowd to the group. “Did you just see what _Eric_ did? He was—”

“WE _KNOW_ , BUTTERS!”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know why you’re so _shocked_ , Stan,” said Wendy. “Cartman’s obsession with Kyle, has clearly always been some form of repressed homoerotic, romantic feelings. You should have taken psych with me, last semester.”

“Stop fucking _analyzing_ me!” Cartman fumed. “I need to go find _Kyle!_ ”

 _“No,”_ said Stan. “ _I_ need to go find Kyle. I’ve been a shitty best-friend lately.”

 _“NO!”_ Cartman insisted. “ _I’m_ the one who’s freaking in _love_ with Kyle, goddammit, let me go find _Kyle_ , already!”

 _“No,”_ said Kenny, firmly. He was finally, totally sober. “ _He needs time to cool-off. Let Stan go._ Trust me. _”_

Cartman was about to protest, but he gave-up. They were probably right. It was best to let someone else go. He sighed, making his way back to their table.

It had been a long night.

 

* * *

 

Stan found Kyle, outside, sitting on the steps up to their school. He was resting his head in his hands, staring at the ground. His hat was pulled back over his head, either because of the cool weather, or maybe because he was feeling insecure, and he wore his ushanka like a security blanket. He’d taken it to the dance with him, hidden inside his jacket.

Stan took a seat, next to him.

 _“So,”_ he said, taking a deep breath out, trying to be calm. “What’s going on, dude?”

Kyle sighed. “I don’t even know, Stan. I don’t know how I got here.”

Stan hesitated. “Look, Kyle…you know, you’re my best-friend, right? And you can tell me _anything?_ ”

“It’s… _really_ , fucked-up.”

“I know,” said Stan. “If it has anything to do with _Cartman_ , it’s automatically pretty fucked-up.”

Kyle still couldn’t look him in the eyes. “So…after me and Cartman made that _bet_ … _well_ …I did exactly what you told me to. I told Cartman I would suck his dick.”

“Oh my _god_ , Kyle, you _didn’t_ —”

“ _NO!_ Well, ye— you don’t need the details, Stan,” he said. “Basically…well, we _did_ end-up hooking-up, and…I mean…we _liked_ it. And we continued _doing_ it, god, I don’t know _why_ , but we _did_ , and then one night, things got… _too real_. Like, _way_ too real.”

“What are you saying?”

Kyle sighed. “Stan, I don’t know _how_ , or _why_ , but…I’m… _I’m_ …I’m in love with Cartman.”

Stan blinked. _“Wow.”_

“I know. Believe me, _I know_ ,” said Kyle. “But the thing is, it’s not just me. Cartman feels the same way. And I think he has for a long, _long_ time.”

“But _how?!_ ”

“It’s complicated.” Kyle bit his lip. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like…everything just _changed_ , but…I think, it might have always been this way.”

“I guess that’s why you were acting so weird about the dance.” Stan concluded. “I didn’t even know you… _liked_ , guys that way.”

“That’s the thing, neither did _I_ ,” said Kyle. “I think it’s just Cartman. _God_ , it feels weird to say that.”

Stan was shocked. He’d always know that Cartman and Kyle argued with each other, to an obsessive extent. And he _had_ noticed Cartman’s less-than-heterosexual tendencies too, but he hadn’t quite realized that their relationship extended _further_. Yet, it seemed like everyone else, kind of knew.

Had he just _drifted_ from Kyle?

“Kyle, _look_ …” said Stan. “I can’t pretend to understand you and Cartman’s…whatever-the- _fuck_ you are, but I _am_ your best-friend. I _support_ you. And I’m always looking-out for you.”

“I know.” Kyle nodded. “Me too, dude.”

“I know we’ve drifted a bit over the years, but…I’m still _here_ for you. _Always_. Me having a girlfriend, doesn’t mean I don’t still care about my best-friend.”

“And I know that, Stan. I _know_ that you and Wendy’s relationship, doesn’t mean we should be any less close. I really do understand. Part of this is my own fault,” said Kyle. “I was a jerk to you, about the dance thing. That was my own, personal problems, being taken-out on you. And I’m sorry.”

“No, Kyle, I should have listened to you.”

 _“No.”_ Kyle insisted. “You were only trying to help, and I lashed-out. I’m sorry.”

 _“So…”_ said Stan. “Are we cool?”

Kyle smiled. “Of course, dude. You’ll _always_ be my best-friend.”

Stan smiled back.

The world was _finally_ beginning to feel right again.

“Okay, but…” Stan started. “What are you gonna do about _Cartman?_ ”

“Oh, god.” Kyle shook his head. “I don’t what to do.”

“I mean…I don’t need any details, but…how do you _feel?_ You know…about… _Cartman?_ God, that is _weird_ to say.”

“He’s gone to therapy, Stan. He apologized for everything from when we were kids. And so did I. I mean, I did a few pretty bad things to him, too.” Kyle sighed. “Stan, I’ve…I’ve never _felt_ this way, before. I’m _scared_. It’s freaking me out.”

“Yeah, I’d be pretty freaked-out too,” Stan replied. “But, look…I mean…I still think it’s _kinda_ weird, and I’ll need time to get used to all of this, but…if you and Cartman, really, really, feel that way about each other, and you think he’s being serious… _why not?_ ”

“Why not, _what?_ ”

“Go for it. _Fuck it._ ” Stan shrugged. “I mean, I don’t get it, but…you’re my best-friend and I care about you, Kyle. If you guys, _really_ do…you know, love each other…you should go for it.”

“You sound really supportive.”

“Hey, I just found-out that you and Cartman are fucking _friends-with-benefits_ , ten minutes ago, I’m going to need some time to digest this.”

“That’s fair.” Kyle shrugged. “But…I don’t know. I’m _confused_. I still don’t know, Stan. I wanna trust him. I need to know that he actually…you know, _cares_ about me. I need some kind of _sign_.”

“Well, if you need someone to talk to, you know you’ll always have me.” Stan nodded. “Just think about it.”

“Thanks,” Kyle said. _“I will.”_

 

* * *

 

Cartman wasn’t doing so well.

Deep down, he probably knew his plan wouldn’t fly by Kyle, but he only really knew how to do things as dramatic as he _possibly_ could. Large-scale gestures were just kind of his thing, but it embarrassed him when they didn’t turn-out the way he wanted.

People were probably talking _all about_ him and Kyle.

He sank lower into his seat, hiding his face in his arms, and unsurprisingly, sniffling a little.

 _“Cartman, stop_ crying _.”_ Kenny rolled his eyes.

“Kyle…ran _away_ ,” he said, in a whine. “He doesn’t _love_ me.”

 _“_ Uh _…now, don’t say that.”_

“Now, everyone knows my _secret_.”

 _“Pfft.”_ Kenny laughed. _“It wasn’t_ that _much of a fucking secret.”_

Cartman sat-up. _“What?”_

Kenny shrugged. _“I always_ knew _, you were in love with Kyle.”_

“What?! _How?!_ ”

 _“Well, not_ always _. I guess I’ve known since fifth grade, when I read your diary. Although, it was always kinda obvious.”_

“I don’t have a _diary!_ ” Cartman lied.

 _“Yeah, you fucking_ do! _”_ Kenny glared. _“Jesus Christ, the entire_ thing _was about Kyle.”_

“Goddammit, _Kenny_ , that was _private!_ ”

 _“I think I knew you had a crush on Kyle, before even_ you _did!”_

“I don’t have a crush on _Kyle!_ ”

 _“Don’t be fucking_ retarded _, you just announced it, to the entire school!”_

 _“Oh,”_ said Cartman, wiping his eyes. He was so used to being on the defensive. “Right.”

 _“So, I was_ right? _”_ Kenny asked. _“You and Kyle have been fucking around?”_

“Yeah.” Cartman sighed. “And then, I realized… _you know_.”

_“You’re in love with Kyle.”_

“You’re making it sound really fucking  _gay_ , Kenny.”

 _“It_ is _really fucking gay.”_

“Okay, fine, whatever.” Cartman snapped. “Yeah, I’m in love with Kyle.”

_“What are you gonna do?”_

“I dunno,” he said, sniffling. “I can’t…I can’t _live_ without Kyle. And now everyone knows about us.”

 _“A lot of people thought you were_ already _dating.”_ Kenny disclosed.

“Yeah.” Cartman sighed. “I know.”

 _“You know, I still think you guys are really fucked-up, but…I think Kyle feels the same way,”_ said Kenny. _“He didn’t even seem_ angry _about…whatever the_ fuck _, that was.”_

 _“Really?”_ Cartman asked, hopefully.

 _“Yeah.”_ Kenny nodded. _“That’s just not like Kyle.”_

“What do I do, Kenny?” Cartman pleaded. “What do I say to Kyle?”

 _“I dunno, dude, don’t get_ me _involved!”_

“You brought it up!”

Kenny rolled his eyes. _“Look, if you wanna…be with_ Kyle _…just talk to him, instead of being such a dramatic fucking asshole.”_

“You think he’d listen to me?”

_“Probably.”_

“You’re right,” he decided. “I’m gonna make Kyle, my _man_.”

_“Oh god.”_

“I’ll be back later, Kenny,” Cartman announced. “I have to go find Kyle.”

 

* * *

 

Kyle stayed outside, sitting in the moonlight.

He was surprised that Cartman hadn’t come running-out to meet him, to _apologize_ , to _fight_ , to do _anything_ to win him back…shit, he kind of _wanted_ him to. Things would be easier to discuss, now that their relationship was suddenly so… _public_.

He was confused, angry and upset, but mostly, he just wanted _Cartman_. Yeah, not a feeling one was used to. Yet, it was growing familiar to him.

“Hey, Kyle!”

He turned around. It was Butters.

“Oh…hey, dude,” he said, shifting over, as Butters took a seat next to him on the steps.

“Did you see what _Eric_ did? He was—”

“Yeah, Butters, _I know_.” He sighed.

“Well, I’m not really surprised by it.”

“No?” asked Kyle.

“Not really.” Butters shrugged. “I think Eric has _always_ had a little crush on you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh, well, because Eric has _always_ been a bit, um, uh, obsessed with you.”

“Believe me, Butters. _I know._ ” Kyle grumbled.

“Things like sneaking around your house, telling everybody you were dating, saving your family from San Francisco—”

Kyle blinked. “Wait, _what?_ ”

“Oh, yeah, when we were kids, Cartman told me he knew how to sneak into your house.”

“Yeah, I know that, we both do.” Kyle narrowed his eyes. “I was talking about San Francisco.”

“Oh, right, well back when your family moved down to San Francisco, Eric heard there was gonna be some deadly smug-storm, so he made me travel to California with him, so that he could rescue your family.”

 _“What?!”_ Kyle was shocked. “I always wondered what happened that day, are you saying that was fucking _Cartman?!_ ”

“Yeah! It was Eric!” Butters said. “Oh, you know what, though, I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that, Kyle, he wanted it to be a secret.”

“Why would he do that?” Kyle asked himself, thinking aloud.

“I dunno. He seemed lonely without you to argue with.”

“He saved my entire family,” Kyle said. “Why would he even _bother?_ ”

“Please don’t tell Eric, I told you. I think he’d be a little mad.”

Kyle got up, swinging the doors open, to get back inside. He walked as quickly as he could, down the hallway, heading for the gym, when he nearly ran into someone else, turning the corner.

_Cartman._

The minute they locked eyes, Cartman’s expression softened.

“Kyle, I’m sorry about everything.” he started. “I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, I just—”

“Why did you save my family from San Francisco?”

Cartman blinked. “Oh, uh… _wait_ , did _Butters_ tell you that? _Sonofabitch…_ ”

 _“Cartman,”_ said Kyle. “Why, did you go all the way to San Francisco, to save my _entire_ family? We hated each other, back in fourth grade.”

Cartman thought Kyle was angry. “It was a really long time ago—”

“But, _why?_ ”

He sighed. “I, uh…realized, that, I dunno…life without you fucking sucks, Kyle. I guess I hadn’t realized it before you left, but…it _sucked_.”

“It _sucked?_ ”

Cartman looked away. “Uh…it’s like I said before, Kyle. I needed you to save me from myself and when you were gone, life was boring. It really, fucking sucked. I missed you.”

“Cartman, you saved my _entire_ family,” said Kyle. “Do you realize what a big _deal_ , that is? We could have _died_.”

Cartman let-out a deep breath. “I literally can’t _live_ without you.”

There was a heated silence between the two of them, before Kyle finally spoke again.

“I needed a sign,” Kyle said, taking a step closer. “I needed to know, that…that, you weren’t _lying_ to me. I needed to know that you were telling the truth, when you say things like, you can’t _live_ without me. I needed to know, you had some _humanity_.”

They were still too far from each other, for Cartman’s comfort. He wanted to be all over Kyle.

“Kyle, I know I’ve fucked-up.” Cartman explained. “But, I’m sorry. I really am, so _fucking_ sorry. I’d never been used to the way you treated me, like…an _actual_ person. You were the only one to let me show any real emotion. You let me cry, on your shoulder. You _saved_ me, Kyle. You made me into a better person.”

Kyle sighed. “I think it’s time I quit lying to myself.”

“What are you saying?” He hesitated.

 _“Fuck it,”_ he said, approaching him, head-on.

“Fuck it?”

“Cartman, this is real.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, all along.”

_“It’s real.”_

The two practically ran to each other, stepping closer, in fast and large strides. Kyle pressed his lips up against Cartman’s, who reciprocated, finally receiving what he’d wanted nearly his whole life.

 _Kyle Broflovski._ Not just Kyle’s body, not just his attention, no, the _real deal_ , he finally had Kyle on his lips, feeling everything he had been feeling, right back.

_Full-force._

Kyle’s hands flew to Cartman’s jawline, holding on, as they kissed, in the middle of the hallway, not giving a _fuck_ who saw, for once.

A new feeling for both of them, but not one they weren’t savouring, either.

Cartman pulled away, feeling dumbstruck.

“ _God_ , you’re hot.”

Kyle smiled seductively. _“Shut-up.”_

He kissed him again, pressing the other boy’s body, up against a locker, the two absolutely _melting_ into it. Sure, they’d kissed a _lot_ , but this one was special, because it was a first kiss in the way that it meant, they were headed a new direction with each other. And it was scary, but all things worth taking a risk for were _scary_ , and neither was about to let those fears change one, solid fact:

It _was_ love.

And rather than going back to fighting, lying, scheming, or hurting each other, this time they had both settled on one thing to do about their feelings for each other: _work it out._

Finally letting go, the two smiled nervously, blushing, and staring into each other’s eyes.

 _“Kyle?”_ breathed Cartman. “You’re _beautiful_.”

“Don’t get all _gay_ on me.” Kyle teasingly punched him.

“Too late, I’m gayer than fucking _Garrison_ , for you.”

“I know you are.”

Kyle took his hand, and the two slowly made their way back into the gym. They stepped inside, both slightly worried about what people would say or how anyone would react, but no one really looked their way. Those who did, seemed un-phased.

Everything seemed like a much bigger deal than it really was, when you’re in high school.

 _“Dude, Stan,”_ said Kenny. _“Check-out Kyle and_ Cartman _.”_

Stan turned his head. “I cannot _believe_ you were right. I seriously can’t fucking _believe_ , you were right. Cartman in love with Kyle, yeah, duh, but _Kyle, too?_ _Sonofabitch_ …”

 _“I knew it would happen_ eventually _.”_ Kenny rolled his eyes. _“That, or they’d kill each other.”_

“They still might.”

_“Wanna bet on it?”_

“No, I’d actually like to afford college.” Stan reached into his wallet, handing-over a $50 bill. “You win, dude. I’d _never_ call it.”

 _“That’s why_ I’m _the fucking winner.”_ Kenny gloated.

They made their way over to the two, who were still standing, unsure how to proceed with each other, at that point.

 _“So, when’s Kyle’s due date?”_ Kenny teased.

 _“Gross!”_ Kyle scoffed, while Cartman snickered.

“It’s gonna take awhile for me to get used to this.” Stan admitted.

“Yeah, I mean… _me, too._ ” Kyle shrugged.

 _“Thanks for making me $50.”_ Kenny bragged, waving Stan’s money around.

“You _bet_ on us getting together?!” Kyle glared.

 _“Easiest money I’ve ever made.”_ Kenny grinned, slipping away a moment later.

“I hate you guys.” Kyle rolled his eyes.

“That’s what you used to say about _Cartman_ , too.” Stan sneered.

“Let them, tease, _Kyle_ ,” said Cartman. “They don’t have what we do, _babe_.”

“I still think you’re _obnoxious_ , by the way.”

“Save the rude-foreplay, for the _bedroom_ , _Kyle_.”

That elicited an elbow to his stomach.

“This is one for all you lovers out there!” the DJ announced, blasting everyone’s eardrums.

“God, that’s annoying.” Kyle rolled his eyes.

And, of course, he was playing “I Swear”. The lights turned purple and dreamy, heart-shaped lights, filtering through the gymnasium.

“Did you _really_ request “I Swear”?!” Kyle glared.

“No, it wasn’t me, Kyle!” Cartman swore.

 _“It was_ me _. Nichole told me this was your song.”_ Kenny teased. _“You’re welcome.”_

“Once again, I hate you guys.”

 _“Come on, Stan,”_ Kenny said, pulling him away. _“Let’s let these two_ lovebirds _have a little alone time.”_

Sitting down at their table, the others were desperate for details. Bebe and Nichole didn’t seem too shattered up about it, either.

“That’s the _second_ time a date with Kyle has ended with Cartman professing his love for him,” said Nichole. “That first time was unreal, but damn, that was _raw_.”

“I cannot _believe_ , Kyle is in love with Eric Cartman.” Wendy added.

“You were too, once,” said Stan.

This also elicited an elbow in the stomach.

“Do you think we’re gonna, like, have to watch them making-out and stuff now?” asked Stan.

 _“Would it be much worse than listening to them_ bicker _all fucking day long?_ ”

“Not really.”

Kyle couldn’t believe he was at a school dance, a public event, with his arms around Eric Cartman’s neck. They swayed back and forth, eyes never leaving each other unwatched. Maybe it _was_ , meant to be.

 _“So,”_ Kyle said, clearing his throat. “Is this like, our _song_ or something…?”

“We have a _song_ already?” Cartman raised an eyebrow. “How _romantic_ , Kyle.”

“We’ve known each other, a _really_ long time, Cartman.” Kyle hesitated. “It’s been a long, fucked-up, journey to this.”

“I know,” said Cartman. “But I’ve wanted this for a really, _really_ long time.”

“It’s not gonna be easy.” Kyle softened. “We’re gonna deal with a lot of people’s opinions…our _own friends_ …we’re gonna have to learn to get along after we fight—”

“—make-up sex,” said Cartman. _“Duh.”_

 _“No.”_ Kyle glared. “A… _relationship_ , is more than just make-up sex. We have to deal with our problems, for real.”

Cartman turned red. “Are you saying that we’re…in a _relationship_ , Kyle?”

Kyle blushed himself. “I guess, _so_.”

In a relationship, with _Kyle Broflovski_. As in, Kyle was his _boyfriend_. It was a title that Cartman had fantasized for so long, that now that it had actually happened, he didn’t know how to react. “So, you really _did_ want me all along?”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Why do you have to make this so hard?”

“Why do you have to make _me_ so hard, Kyle?” he snickered.

Hey, at the end of the day, Eric Cartman, was still _Eric Cartman_. Kyle turned red again, half irate, half aroused.

“I think we need to update our terms and conditions,” said Kyle.

“Aw, really?” Cartman groaned.

“If you wanna be together, without _killing_ each other, we need to set a few rules.” Kyle insisted.

“Okay, so like, _what?_ ”

“Rule one, is, we’re _honest_ with each other,” said Kyle. “No lying, no hiding things, no _scheming_ …we have to stop doing things like that to each other, if we want this to _work_.”

Cartman smiled, swaying him along. _“Okay…”_

“Rule two, is that, we are _equal_. As in, we look-out for each other and respect each other, without any games. That’s how we always end-up screwing each other over.”

“Are those all the rules, Kyle?” Cartman sighed.

“No, just one more,” Kyle said. “This _is_ a romantic thing. Like it or not, we’ve… _fallen_ , for each other, so, this can’t just be hooking-up anymore.” Kyle’s expression turned softer. “This means a _lot_ to me, Cartman, and it’s crazy, I know. I didn’t anticipate it, I bet you never anticipated it…but it’s where we are. And I want this to _work_.”

Cartman smiled, drowsily. That was what Kyle did to him, nowadays. Made his heart go soft and his cruel side, shutdown, completely. _And he was okay with that._

“Does this mean you’ll come to Nebraska with me for Christmas?”

Kyle rolled his eyes, but smiled. “I think you’re thinking a little too far in advance.”

“I dunno.” Cartman shrugged. “I want this to last.”

“Yeah.” Kyle agreed. “Me too.”

They continued swaying, a new feeling of comfort, sweeping over each other. Like, after years and lying and denial, they could be totally honest with each other. Everything was changing, but it was for the better.

“I _love_ you, Kyle. For real. I swear,” Cartman said, a smile creeping-up on his face. _“—By the moon and the stars—”_

“ _God_ , you're so lame.”

“I mean it though,” said Cartman, the two still swaying to the song. “I swear, Kyle. I love you. I don’t wanna let you down.”

 _“Yeah,”_ Kyle smiled, coming in, closer. “I swear too, Cartman. This is real.”

The two kissed again, sealing the deal: a promise to each other, that neitherone of them wanted to break. They kissed like there was no one there, but them, cause that’s what it felt like when you were in love. And they were. They finally _were_.

Kyle and Cartman were almost so _unpredictable_ , they were totally, _predictable_. Maybe they had been the only ones _not_ to see it coming, all along.

But it was love.

And they both knew it by then, as they held onto each other all night long, before _and_ after the dance.

It was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you to everyone who stuck it out and read my gay-af, ridiculously DRAMATIC, fanfic, I had a LOT of fun writing it, and I hope you had fun reading it. Your lovely comments made my day, so thank-you, thank-you, THANK-YOU, again. Feel free to message me (discord &/or tumblr) and/or send inquiries, requests, etc. lol!!! I'm a major-hoe for anything Kyman or South Park-related. I hope this lived-up to its expectations, and once again, thank-you for the kudos and dope comments. LOTS OF LOVE.


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